There’s a reason your best friend never posts you on their socials.

Do you have a friend who never posts about you on their social media? Like, they post about other things and other people… just never you?

You might be the 'secret mistress friend'.

Coined by TikTokker Lucy, in a video she posted that is now sitting on more than 700,000 views, the 'secret mistress friend' is the person who is always there for their friend 24/7 but doesn't fit into the friend's lifestyle or "aesthetic", and as a result, is never mentioned, posted about our celebrated online.

@ardentlucy

frankly just rlly tired of it aha x #friendship #selfdevelopment #friendshipadvice #friends #advice #journey #selfimprovement

♬ original sound - lucy

Speaking the Mamamia, Lucy said that she came up with the term 'secret mistress friend' after she realised that she was being "hidden".

"The people nearest to me used social media quite often and would share their lives online. Over time, I started to realise that, while I was a part of my friends' lives, I was nowhere to be seen on their social media."

She went on to say, "I've had deep conversations, holidays, hot girl walks and big life events with these people, and sometimes there were even nice photos taken that just were never made public. I felt as if I was being 'hidden' from their highlights reel and the closest thing I could relate to was being a 'mistress.'"

Listen to the author of this article talk about the secret mistress friend on the Mamamia Out Loud podcast. Post continues below.

Now, I have a confession that I was too ashamed to share with Lucy directly. I have secret mistress friends. I, of course, don't call them that, but I do have friends that I don't post about or mention on my social platforms.

These are friends that I see regularly, that are my constant and that I have known my entire life. The only reason I think I don't post them is because we have so much "ground" to cover when we're together that we completely shut ourselves off from the rest of the world and just yap our little hearts out.

My argument for why they're not my secret mistress friends is that they don't post about me either. In fact, there are no phones in sight when we get together.

Still paranoid about my potential mistresses, I asked Lucy if there was a specific moment when she knew she was the secret mistress friend.

"A few instances, actually. The first one that made me really start to cotton on was when I attended an event with a friend and they shared photos on Instagram soon after. We got all dolled up for this event and got some gorgeous photos of us that I really cherished.

Watch: Horoscopes & Breakups. Post continues below.

"Online, however, the photos posted were of only them or the event itself, nestled into photos of them with all of their other friends. It hurt to think that people that I love and support didn't see me in the same light I saw them."

It was after this incident that Lucy began to notice a similar behavioural pattern with some of her other friends.

"I had a gorgeous holiday with a friend only to see that they went out with someone else one night and have posted multiple times. I just started to think I wasn't 'pretty' or 'aesthetic' enough to fit into their Instagram feed, despite our connection."

After posting her thoughts on being the secret mistress friend, the thousands of comments showed that Lucy isn't the only person who has felt this way in some of her friendships.

"Yep, fellow secret mistress friend here. I have been saying for a while now that I am sick of getting the hysterical versions of people, while everyone else gets a lighter version."

Added another, "I had an ex-friend who has become an influencer and I was the secret mistress friend. She'd only call me 'cause no one else was there for the emotionally hard parts of her life 💀."

Yikes.

"Finally, something I can relate to 😩," said another. "I'm not enough to be taken pics of, posted, told I'm loved? perfffff secret mistress friend."

Lucy said, "Since posting my thoughts online, it's been so validating to hear that other women have felt the same thing, and the internet has collectively told me I need stronger boundaries and better friends."

Since talking to Lucy, I've checked in on those friends of mine to make sure they didn't feel like they didn't fit into my "aesthetic" and I asked them if they'd like me to post about them more.

They were very confused and asked if I was okay.

Jokes aside, social media has completely changed the game and the meaning of online posting. We previously posted pictures of our holidays or family Christmas dinners. And now we post every minute of every day. It's easy to roll our eyes at the idea of someone being offended for not being posted about, but that doesn't mean their feelings about it aren't valid.

So, check in on those friends that you don't post — and let them know that they're not your mistress.

Do you think you're the 'secret mistress friend'? Tell us in the comments.

If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Tiktok/@ardentlucy