"I gave in to contact napping." 6 things I'm doing differently as a second time mum.

As a first time mum, you’re bombarded with advice from all corners of your life (particularly the internet). Chances are the algorithm is serving you up various baby contraptions you are convinced you will need, and friends are emailing you sleep/routine programs or recommending helpful books or birth classes.

Fortunately, the second time around, there’s a little less noise. For the most part, you've figured out what kind of 'parenting style' suits you best, you barely need to purchase anything so there’s less overwhelm, and you know what’s coming (for better or worse).

I have personally found the second time around much more enjoyable. I’m already used to functioning on five to six hours sleep, changing nappies, and being at the beck and call of one mini human, so what’s another? 

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Along the way, there have been some key things that have stood out to me about what I am doing differently this time.

1. I didn't bother reinstalling the Wonder Weeks app.

If you’ve had any exposure to parents anywhere, you may have heard them discussing 'leaps' and thought, 'WTF is a stormy day?' 

To be fair, I wasn’t a huge fan of the Wonder Weeks app the first time around. At nine or so months, when it suggested that my son who had just started babbling a decipherable 'dada' not only had the capacity to understand when a full song had finished but would also have a favourite song that he would start to request, I knew it was time to hit the delete button. I wish I had done it sooner. 

Nothing was more disheartening than having a tough day with my baby to check the app and have it helpfully declare that this phase was 'only' going to last for another 23 days. Who needs that kind of negativity in their life?

There is also much scepticism about the accuracy/validity of the information provided by Wonder Weeks.

What you are more confident about the second time around, is that babies all develop at different stages. Whilst it might give some parents a feeling of reassurance and a sense of control, the same can be achieved by following your Blue Book, or talking to your GP/paediatrician if you have any concerns. 

2. I gave in to contact napping and napping on the go.

For the first few months of my son's life, I spent endless amounts of time and energy attempting to get him to sleep in his bassinet during the day. I would pat and shush and get out the white noise and spend 25 minutes putting him to sleep only for him to immediately wake up once he got the slightest inclination he was being put down. 

At the time, it felt like it would never end, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know that I can’t 'spoil' a newborn, or create 'bad habits' and one of my favourite things in the entire world are those newborn koala cuddles. 

My daughter was the same for her first six weeks. She wanted to be held, and I embraced it. She now prefers to be put down, go figure. I already miss those sleepy lunchtime naps and the opportunity to binge watch Virgin River without feeling guilty about whatever housework I 'could' have been doing.

The same goes for napping on the go. Having a toddler means my life must go on, so a quiet, dark room isn’t always going to cut it. 

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3. Ignoring unwanted opinions and unsolicited advice.

One of the harder parts of parenting I found was the constant opinions or unsolicited advice you may be given. When you’re a new mum and not as confident in what you’re doing, it can be hard not to take this advice personally and to feel like you are failing or doing something 'wrong'. I see it all the time in parenting groups - new mums posting anonymously, reaching out for support. "My grandmother says I am creating bad habits by holding my three-week-old baby too much", or, "My mother-in-law says I shouldn’t be feeding my six-week-old on demand as she shouldn’t be hungry". 

As my wise friends told me when I was in the same boat, "If it works for you, it’s not an issue". Whether that’s breastfeeding, formula feeding, contact napping, co-sleeping, dummies, sleep training, routines. Whatever it is, it has to work for you and it has to feel right - for you, for your family. That means leaning in to your gut instincts and trusting that you know what’s right for your baby.

I have found myself less tempted to consult Google or online parenting groups this time around. The thing is, you are technically learning everything all over again. Any parent will tell you that once you’re out of each phase, it’s a complete blur and you’re already focussing on what’s next. What does remain the same, however, is your innate ability to know what your baby needs. With each passing day as your confidence grows, you come to realise that you, more so than anyone else, really know what’s best for your baby.

4. Making the most of the newborn (potato) phase.

The first time around, I remember being one of the mums in my mother's group nodding my head along in enthusiastic agreement as someone asked the maternal child and health nurse what 'activities' would be best to stimulate their nine-week old baby. I never had the TV on in the background if my son was awake (hence why I loved the contact napping - TV time!). When he was awake, I would rarely leave his side, I was constantly interacting with him. This time around it’s just not possible, nor is it, in my opinion, needed. 

Of course I interact and talk to my daughter, but that’s just it. The best thing you can do is talk to them - they don’t need fancy black and white books, excessive amounts of developmental toys or, let’s face it, your absolute undivided attention 24 hours a day. They need eye contact, hugs, and a good chin wag. 

So while I know she’s still young, I am making the most of watching some good TV during the day/night to keep me entertained and going out to restaurants and cafes instead of getting trapped in the sleep, feed, play routine that can become an all-encompassing, depressing cycle.

5. Taking more photos - with me in them.

When I look back at my son's first few years of life, I am noticeably absent. I rarely feature in some of our happiest memories. But my husband? Every moment, from the beautiful to the mundane, is captured. Walking down the street holding hands, a sly kiss on the forehead, reading a book, splashing in the ocean. Whenever I’d see a special moment, I’d be sure to capture it. And I know I’m not alone in this. 

Now, I could just ask him to return the favour or tag him in the "hey dads, take the photo" Facebook post for the billionth time, but this time I’m going one step further and I’m asking. When I am at home or with family or friends, I ask whoever I am with to take a photo, or I take selfies if no one else is around. I don’t care how messy my hair is, how tired I look, or how hairy my eyebrows are, these are the moments I want to remember - and not just from behind the lens!

Image: Supplied.

6. I do not wake a sleeping baby.

The beauty of being a second time mum is that the midwives leave you to your own devices during your hospital stay. One of the hardest parts of being a first time mum was the conflicting advice I received from midwives from one shift to the next.

One minute I’d be waking my baby to feed after three or four hours (depending who was on shift), then I’d be told to let him sleep and not to wake him unless it had been five or six hours (depending on who was on shift), and then of course there was always one or two midwives who would say, 'Why would you wake a sleeping baby?'

My thoughts exactly. My daughter was born at term at a healthy weight and still is. There is no need for me to wake her, so I don’t. Unless of course I have to be somewhere.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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