On your marks… Get set… Go! Whip out the monkey-bar undies, and stock up on coloured zinc, it’s athletics carnival time and school spirit is high. Can you hear the chanting already?
When it comes to school sports, there are some things that just can’t be avoided. Yes, cringing as your kids do the long-jump in their school shoes because you forgot their runners is as much a rite of passage for you as it is for them.
It’s a proud moment for any parent, watching their little one sprint their heart out, win, lose or draw. But it can also be a stressful day for parents, with some moments that are, well, a little more memorable than others.
1. Every child will ‘win’ a participation ribbon.
Whatever happened to actually earning a medal? Today schools are all about gentle encouragement. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but at least one or two kids will go home and proudly declare to their bemused parents, “I won!” You don’t need to put this one up on the fridge. Well, maybe just for a day or two.
2. One kid will take out first place in every event.
Ah yes, the overachiever. You can hear him coming from a mile away because of all the medals clinking on his chest. This kid will also be voted house captain next year and go on to make it to state level, where he will promptly become the child in number 3.
3. The kid who everyone thought would win will make up an excuse.
"Didn't you see me limping? I twisted my ankle! I definitely, 100 percent would have won otherwise. Hang on, or was it my other ankle...? Oops." Grab the first aid kit and go easy on this one. Their ego is pretty bruised right now. You should at least pretend to believe the story.
4. One of the kids will bring something contagious, like threadworms.
Sharing is caring! And with 300 kids packed into one oval, swapping grubby-handed high fives around the finish line, these things happen. Just breathe, and relax. School sports can be a breeding ground for kids getting little nasties like worms, so it's a good idea to keep some Combantrin chocolate squares at home if your child becomes the "worm kid". It's a great way to treat them as they strike.
5. At least half the kids will forget their lunch, hat or permission slip.
'No hat, no play' never looked so grim. You've just got to pray there's something loitering in the lost property bin that doesn't smell too funky. The athletics carnival is the best day of the school year, no one wants to get stuck back at school.
6. One kid will forget their sports uniform and have to do the 100 metres in their school dress.
Don't feel too guilty, we've all been there. Just try not to giggle as she attempts to run in clunky leather school shoes. It will be all the more impressive if she wins. Sadly high jump is out, lest she flash the entire school.
7. There will be a teachers v parents race.
And you will be BEGGED to join in. But whatever you do, don't drop the baton. You'll never be able to show your face at the PTA again if you don't win. Hitch up your skirt and don't forget to stretch, if the closest you get to the gym is dropping the kids off for soccer training, this one is going to test you.
8. There will be one parent shouting on the sidelines and insisting on a do-over. That was a false start!
The over-bearing parent is one to avoid at all costs. Don't try and reason with her. She'll swear until she's blue in the face that Kimmy had her left toe over the line and her poor little Francine never even had a chance with all that cheating going on. And the triple jump? She is adamant that Marcus put an extra skip in his hop, skip, jump.
9. Your kid will be scrubbing blue paint off their skin for weeks.
The dedication to house colours is seriously impressive. Did you think you could get away with a $3 coloured polo? That's cute. These kids do not mess around. Everything from their scrunchies to their shoelaces will be colour coordinated, including their skin. Yikes. Zinc, face paint or a good old-fashioned texta, pick your poison! But seriously, does anyone know how to get food colouring out of the skin and hair? The kids end up looking like Smurfs for the next month.
10. The teachers will use house points to bribe the kids to behave.
I wonder if this would work at home? You'll never see kids pick up their rubbish as quickly as they do when house points are on the line. "You didn't pack away the Lego? Zero points to Blue house."
What was your most memorable athletics carnival?
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