How constipation became Bachelor In Paradise's most wholesome storyline.

There are few things in this world that feel less relatable than a show like Bachelor in Paradise. Over a dozen hot, thin, usually tanned 20-somethings living at a beach resort in Mexico while they drink cocktails and go on absurdly extravagant dates. That was until a case of severe constipation made it a show that could truly represent the masses. 

Enter contestant Sam. She came to the island with the same expectation as all the other contestants: to find love, and not become the butt of a joke on national (and now international) television. But unfortunately, it wasn’t to be, because just three episodes into her season, Sam revealed something profoundly troubling: she hadn’t pooped in the NINE DAYS since she got to the island. 

Sam is now the most relatable woman I've ever seen on a reality TV dating show. Image: YouTube/BachelorNation.

Staying at a beach resort in Mexico should be a dream come true; a calming, relaxing, freeing experience. Unfortunately, Sam’s bowels didn’t get the memo. So the show’s on-call doctor was called in for assistance, and, for the purpose of all the viewers at home, laid out exactly what Sam was going through. 

So far, laxatives weren’t working, diet and exercise hadn’t helped, and according to Dr Kelly Tenbrink, day 10 is when we should start to worry. The countdown was on… literally, with a clock countdown in the bottom corner of the screen like we were anticipating the moon landing. 

Watch her wander across the beach, contemplating what life was like when she could still poop. Image: YouTube/BachelorNation.

And then it happened, the good doctor said the words that will haunt me forever: "This was now a poo baby". That, if the situation didn’t correct itself, may need surgical intervention to remove. 

Bless the producer for asking the question we were all holding on to: what was the biggest poo baby Dr Tenbrink had seen? This man, who went to medical school, was now sitting in a reality show confessional talking about a 40-centimetre length of compacted poo in some poor patient’s bowel. I just know the student debt was worth it. 

So, what could be done to help Sam? More laxatives weren’t an option. An enema? Digital stimulation? She wasn’t having a bar of it. Sam was intent on a natural birth. 

I hope whoever put these on-screen graphics together got a raise. I'm so invested. Image: YouTube/BachelorNation.

At this point, you’d imagine Sam’s love interest Aaron S might be overwhelmed by the commitment to someone struggling with nine days of backed-up doo doo, but instead, he really stepped up to the plate - arranging a date with Sam to encourage a bowel movement with foods and lovingly declaring: “This isn’t just your poop baby. This is our poop baby”. And here I am struggling to get a text back.

As a girl with her own tummy troubles, constipation isn’t something that I’d be keen to bring up in the first few days of “dating” (if you can even call it that on a show like Bachie in Paradise), so it feels extremely brave of Sam to so boldly stand by her growing poo baby, and where shows like The Bachelor can sometimes devolve into being a place for toxic relationships with contestants pitted against one another, I have never seen a reality TV show cast rally around one of their own so unanimously. They truly care about Sam and her extremely compacted gut.

Expectant parents anticipating the arrival of their poo baby. Image: YouTube/BachelorNation.

With swelling music playing as the clock counted down until the sunrise peeked up over the horizon, Sam still hadn’t evacuated her new addition. And as Dr Tenbrink so beautifully put it: “They say love conquers all, but for Sam, I guess that’s not true.”

Devastatingly, Sam was forced to leave the show, much to the disappointment of her fellow contestants and Aaron S whose future on the show was now in serious jeopardy as his Paradise partner wouldn’t be there to give him a rose. 

While it wasn’t the romantic ending anyone had hoped for Sam, at least we know that her time in Paradise wasn’t crappy. 

Mamamia cannot confirm whether Sam's poo baby passed natural or whether surgical intervention was required, but she has been active on social media so we can assume the trouble has left the building. 

Feature image: YouTube/BachelorNation