'I'm sweating.' A brutally honest recap of Sabrina Carpenter's Taste music video.

I am unwell. 

Sabrina Carpenter has just released her new album Short 'n' Sweet, and with it a fresh music video for her track Taste. Starring alongside her is Wednesday star Jenna Ortega. 

This music video changed something in me. It was like I was watching a three-minute cinematic masterpiece that went on for too long, but also not long enough. 

I had to keep pausing it to fully understand what was unravelling before me, and also... I had to keep catching my breath. 

Watch: Sabrina carpenter covers 'Hopelessly devoted to you.' Post continues below.

Here is my very honest recap. Hide your kids because it's about to get steamy (and bloody).

Right off that bat, our bestie Sabrina grabs a machete and goes on a killing spree after finding out her boyfriend (that may or may not look very similar to a celebrity she was rumoured to be dating) has gotten back together with his ex (Jenna).

She storms into their bedroom and starts stabbing at the person sleeping next to him (fair), only to find out it was a dummy.

Suddenly, now get ready for this — Jenna (our other bestie), appears with a shotgun and shoots Sabrina off the balcony, where she lands perfectly on a white picket fence that impales her in a way that looks... really good. 

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

Sabrina is pretty annoyed that she's been impaled (wouldn't we all be?), so she throws a knife up at Jenna, which lands perfectly in her right eye.

Oh and yes, their boyfriend slept through this whole thing.

Straight off the bat, we're shown A LOT. There are some obvious ties to classic horror movies and other films, and you can read more about that here. 

Meanwhile, Sabrina is in hospital getting treated for the gaping hole in her abdomen. The doctors don't seem concerned, so we're not too worried — that is, until Jenna arrives dressed as a nurse. She grabs the defibrillator and knocks Sabrina out.

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

Cut to: Jenna on a glamourous date with her ex-boyfriend, who's now her current boyfriend (I think). Next thing you know, Sabrina is outside the house with a voodoo doll of Jenna. Sabrina contorts the doll's body, and we see Jenna perform the viral Wednesday dance again (kinda).

Jenna grabs a voodoo doll of Sabrina, which I personally think is a weird thing to bring on a date, but hey, it's lucky she did! Jenna throws the Sabrina doll in the fire and because of science, Sabrina lights up in flames IRL. 

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

This time, Sabrina and Jenna's shared boyfriend sees all of this unfold, but much like the doctors, he's not that concerned. Confused, yes, but I think he just wants another sip of wine, if I'm being honest. 

Here's where things get hectic (because they weren't already).

In true Psycho style, Sabrina jump scares Jenna and their boyfriend in the shower with a knife. She goes to stab Jenna, but Jenna has a hook (of course), so she chops Sabrina's right arm off. This time, their boyfriend does seem terrified. 

Jenna chases Sabrina through the house, tackles her, and chokes her with Sabrina's own chopped off limb. I mean, you know what they say — an eye for an arm?

Jenna then kisses her ex-boyfriend/boyfriend by the pool, and he turns into Sabrina. Oh, and then Jenna pulls out a chainsaw from her... *checks notes* pocket, because apparently she wasn't enjoying the kiss as much as we all were?

Sabrina falls into the pool... but wait — PLOT TWIST. Jenna didn't actually kill Sabrina! She killed their shared boyfriend. Sabrina appears next to Jenna while the lyrics, "You'll just have to taste me while he's kissing you" play.

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

The two of them are then seen slaying (metaphorically) at their boyfriend's funeral where he was slayed (physically).

Image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.

They have a giggle and are seen walking away complaining about him.

And therein lies the meaning of life (and the music video): No man is worth fighting for. 

Wow, what a journey, thanks for coming along with me for the ride.

What did you think of this music video? Tell us in the comments!

If you want more pop culture recaps from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem or listen to her every weekday on The Spill podcast.

Feature image: YouTube/Sabrina Carpenter.