BY SOPHIE SMITH
In 2006 my husband Ash and I were amazed and delighted to become pregnant with triplets. However our hopes and dreams for our instant family were dashed when my waters broke, just 21 weeks into the pregnancy.
Five days later, our first son Henry was born, so beautiful and perfect and looking just like Ash. He gave a tiny cry and was laid on my chest where, for one precious hour, I held him and felt his heart beating against mine. His tiny hands squeezed onto our fingers and then, an hour after he was born, he passed away.
Incredibly Henry’s siblings didn’t follow their brother into the world that day. As intervention isn’t given to babies born before 24 weeks, we had a long way to go. But as the days passed our hopes grew.
At 24 ½ weeks, after three weeks of bed rest in hospital, my waters broke once again and Jasper and Evan were born by emergency caesarean. They were immediately incubated and transferred to the neonatal intensive care unit at the Royal Hospital for Women.
Weighing less than a kilo each, my boys had a long fight ahead. However, babies this small had survived before and we were optimistic.
The first few days were promising. Both boys were taking my expressed breast milk through tubes into their stomachs. We spent every day sitting by their humidicribs marvelling at how beautiful they were and falling in love with them.
But when our babies were ten days old we rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night as Evan had taken ill. We sat with him through the night and in the morning learned that he had suffered a severe brain haemorrhage. Heartbroken, we had no choice but to remove him from his life support.
Top Comments
I have a friend who lost her baby at 25 weeks this week. I am a recent mother to a one month old. Is there anything I can do to help her through this. I feel for her so much. I understand that I am probably the last person she wants to see. Your story is so amazing and you must be very strong.
Hi Rebecca, thank you for your message and for wanting to help your friend. She is lucky to have you. here are a few tips I’d give you on how you can help. I’ve divided them into ‘Do’s and Don’ts’...
DONT: tell her she can have another baby; try to explain her loss (eg it was meant to happen), or make it any better (eg he/she is in a better place - there is NO better place for a baby than in his mum’s arms); compare her loss to any other loss you have experienced; avoid her because you have a baby (so many people avoid you when your baby dies and it is wonderful to have friends who aren’t afraid to be there for you); give up on her if she isn’t a great friend to you in the next few days, weeks, months;
DO: call her; send her a card (personally I'd say flowers are rather depressing); congratulate her on becoming a mum; speak her baby’s name; always remember that she is still a mum even though her baby has died - eg send her a card on mothers day; let her talk about her baby if she wants to; ask to see a photo of her baby and tell her he is beautiful even if you find the photo confronting; find some time to see her without your baby there, but don’t ‘hide’ your baby away from her either; let her know you are there for her; keep calling her even if she doesn’t return your calls - she may just not be up to calling you back but will appreciate the fact that you are there for her; remember her due date and send a card or call or buy her a small gift and let her know her baby hasn’t been forgotten. (a lovely idea for a gift is to buy something her baby’s name on).
Just stick by her and let her grieve her baby. Let her be sad and let her know you will never forget her baby.
I hope this helps you a little bit, and I am so sorry about your friend and her little baby.
Another dont: "You never know what kind of problems he could have had." Ahh I never cared I just wanted my son back. Also (this may not pertain but) "Think of how busy you would be with twins!" I didnt care he was my son I wanted my son to have his twin brother! And I wanted his twin brother! Its hard when my husbands grandmother doesnt count him when she says I have this many great-grandchildren i always tell her no you missing one. she says well she doesnt tell people she has 6 children she says she has 5. well I for one still consider him my son even though he passed away.
What an amazing feat. Having worked at the unit your precious boys spent their days in, your dedication is very much appreciated and the amount of money you raise is truly incredible. Thank you from staff and other parents alike.