A baby becomes a little girl, a little girl becomes a woman, a woman becomes a mum, and so on, and so on.
But what happens when that woman becomes a mum and regrets it?
Writer Sarah Treleaven explores what it’s like to be such a woman in her piece for Marie Claire, “Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids“.
Trevleaven speaks with Laura*, a 37-year-old journalist in Los Angeles who believed she wanted to be a mother, but after her son was born found that the feelings of frustration, boredom and dissatisfaction that are often associated with postpartum depression never lifted.
Listen to our conversation on Mamamia Outloud about women who regret motherhood. (Post continues after audio.)
“The regret hit me when the grandmas went home and my husband went back to the office and I was on my own with him,” she says. “I realized that this was my life now—and it was unbearable.”
As time went on, Laura felt more and more sure she had made a mistake by having a child.
“I hated, hated, hated the situation I found myself in,” she says. “I think the word for what I felt is ‘trapped.’ After I had a kid, I realized I hated being the mother to an infant, but by then it was too late. I couldn’t walk away and still live with myself, but I also couldn’t stand it. I felt like my life was basically a middle-class prison.”
Top Comments
I wonder if part of these difficulties we feel about being mothers is related to having so much of a life before having children. We are having kids later in life, working, traveling and having freedom for so much longer - so when the time comes that we need to give it up/make big adjustments for a while, it's hard to stomach?
I know for me personally, if I hadn't experienced as much as I had before kids, I wouldn't be appreciating the experience or handling it very well at all. At the same time, I look at my life ahead and see so much mothering, which is great, but also so little time for me and my own dreams, which upsets me. I haven't figured out how the two can go together, but I hope to.
Very interesting point. I think you might be right. If you're having your first child around the age of 30 you probably have done a few interesting things in your 20's, have a bit of a career, developed an adult life that you enjoy. Then you get smashed with the realities of motherhood! Huge adjustment! But maybe if i'd had my kids at 20 i wouldnt feel such a loss of my previous life. Also, i think the notion of regret is completely to do with expectation vs reality. Why do we have such unrealistic expectations of motherhood? Why so many 'nobody told me it would be like this' moments? Are older mothers just not sharing the truths of motherhood with their daughters (or have they blacked it out?!)? Or has motherhood genuinely changed between generations?
I grew up with one of those mothers who just hated being a mother.Did it damage me ?Probably!Though I think it has made me try harder to let my children know how much I love them.Problem is children can feel when a parent is not happy ,no matter how hard you try.