Rebel Wilson just learned the 'rules' of being a new mum.

Listen to this story being read by Laura Jackel, here.

Rebel Wilson is only days into her new life as mum to baby Royce Lillian, and she is already on the receiving end of online shaming and judgement.

An Instagram post that has since been deleted, showed Rebel and girlfriend Ramona Agruma dancing at a party for Paris Hilton in LA. The comments left by her fans ranged from confusion at how Rebel could go out without her precious new baby, to scathing and critical for leaving baby Royce at home 'with the nannies'.

While some commenters were supportive of Rebel taking time for herself as a new mum, the overall sentiment was one of judgement.

What's to say that the hour or two she spent at a party, were her only hours away from baby Royce this week? Or what if it wasn't? And why does this decision on how she spends her time as a new mum matter to anyone else?

Rebel's since deleted post and the subsequent media coverage show that she is already being judged for not being a 'good mother'. Rebel broke the unwritten and complex 'rules' of new mum behaviour. It wasn't just that she was out without her baby - but that she was 'partying' and having fun.

Rebel announced baby Royce's joyous arrival via surrogate on November 8 to her 11.3 million Instagram followers.

"I can’t even describe the love I have for her," Rebel wrote alongside a photo of baby Royce. 

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"She’s a beautiful miracle! I am forever grateful to everyone who has been involved, (you know who you are), this has been years in the making... but particularly wanted to thank my gorgeous surrogate who carried her and birthed her with such grace and care. Thank you for helping me start my own family, it’s an amazing gift. The BEST gift!!

"I am ready to give little Roycie all the love imaginable. I am learning quickly... much respect to all the Mums out there! Proud to be in your club."

Rebel has always been very open about her wish to become a mother and her love for 'miracle baby' Royce is obvious. 

But now that she has her baby and has joined the motherhood 'club', Rebel is fast learning that alongside all the love, there is also the uninvited judgement when you break a long list of 'rules'. Rules that are loosely based on an image of motherhood that is completely selfless and sacrificial. 

I am a mum of two boys and I have very vivid memories of how it felt to go from feeling like I was an equal partner in a modern marriage to a baby 'host' whose body and life choices were open to a constant stream of commentary.

While some comments I received as a pregnant woman and new mum were harmless or well-intentioned, other comments, like the ones Rebel received on her post, shocked me. 

With my first pregnancy in 2010, I found the constant commentary on my body shape and size very uncomfortable. On different days (or sometimes even on the same day) and perhaps depending on what I was wearing, I would be told my bump was 'huge' or 'tiny'. Someone once asked me to 'do a little spin' so my colleague could decide if I looked pregnant 'from behind'.

Aside from comment on how I looked, I did not enjoy the assumption I would want caffeine-free tea (I didn't) or being scolded like a child for wearing a small heel to a wedding, 'in case I fell and hurt the baby'.

With my birth plans, my obstetrician advised me (for various reasons) to opt for a c-section. I often read or overheard commentary around 'natural births' being preferable, but I felt comfortable with this choice until I went into hospital to have my second baby Leo in February 2017. 

Before even saying hello to my husband or me, the midwife asked me why I was booked in for a c-section. I stammered out a reply while she roughly put on my surgical socks. I could sense her disapproval and judgement and I felt annoyed and upset that my birth plan mattered so much to her she demanded a reason for it.

I might not have been partying with Paris Hilton when either babies were little, but I remember the importance of getting outside in the sunshine for a short walk ALONE for my mental health. Sometimes a quick drive to the supermarket was all I needed.

And on almost every single occasion, if an acquaintance spotted me, they asked where my baby was. I sometimes made a joke about him being fine with the cat, but this didn't always go down too well. This never happened to my husband Jules as everyone just assumed the baby was safe at home with mum.

Once both my boys were out in the world, I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding and on both occasions; we gave it a good shot. 

After about six months and as we introduced solids, both boys began to lose interest and honestly I was ready for more freedom, so I phased it out. 

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I was surprised when a friend commented I was going against WHO recommendations for the full 12 months of breastfeeding, as if I didn’t know. But even if I didn’t know the WHO guidelines, I didn’t understand the point in judging someone else’s feeding choice - especially a friend who you knew wasn’t harming her well fed and loved baby and so the comment felt unnecessary.

As I have got older and my kids are now both at school, these early days of intense scrutiny and judgement seem thankfully far, far away in the distant past. 

In spite of my wearing heels, having an enormous bump, delivering both babies by c-section and only doing a bit of breastfeeding, my sons seem as happy and healthy and well-adjusted as any other kids I know. 

There is still judgement and commentary, of course, but the difference now is that I have been a parent for years; not days, weeks, or months, and I feel like I know my kids and the sort of parent I am and what's best for our overall family dynamic.

The problem with judging new mums, especially first time mums like Rebel, is that they are incredibly vulnerable, as well as exhausted! I cried many times at being made to feel like I wasn't doing motherhood 'right', but it was really only someone else's opinion that I was too tired to ignore.

But we all work it out as we go along and rather than judgement or commentary based on what might have worked for someone else, new mums need support and encouragement to make our own decisions. 

Decisions that are right for us, our baby, and our family. 

I hope we are not too far from a time when all new mums are surprised by the lack of judgement they receive, and instead are given all the support, respect, and love they deserve for the incredibly important job they do - even when that job includes taking a break to go dance and have fun with Paris Hilton at a party.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Instagram @rebelwilson.

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