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@chrisandalex I hear you. It’s seems like a never-ending loop sometimes . I think your eldest will have done., because he will have seen the effort you have made to spend time with him.

My eldest is now 15 and I’m hoping we will get a chance to spend more time together too. Think I’m probably still in the ‘mum is really embarrassing bracket ‘ , but i keep asking., even if just to sit and watch a movie together while my daughter is asleep . 😁

dee dee April 14, 2023

My oldest son is a gorgeous kid who is funny and kind and has had to deal with a lot of stuff and ‘just get on with it’ being the sibling of a child with complex needs .It has not been easy for him at all.

His little sister has spastic diplegia cerebral palsy , is neurodivergent and the first 3 years of her life were spent most trying to stop her dying from rsv.

Thousands of hours of therapy later she is a really ok kid. Massive operations and lots of hospital stays. But it doesn’t stop. She will never wake up and not have cp.

My son is seen, and always has been. Logistically even getting to spend time with him alone can be a nightmare . Especially not having family close by.

A little box of chocs on his pillow and card to say Thankyou for being awesome is all that I have been able to manage some times. Chats walking our doggos if someone can keep an eye on his sister. It’s definitely gotten easier as they’ve gotten older.

The immediacy of raising a child with complex , physical health needs has meant that it really can be a life or death situation.

All the parents I know in this situation try their best. For example at our wheelchair basketball all siblings are included and many come along to play. Having two parents around helps ( my kid’s dad and separated years ago and tho he provides for them and loves them he is not physically present a lot).

Having a supportive family and community and friends also helps . I sent my son to an all boys high school so that he was at a school where he wouldn’t be defined by his sister. Unlike primary school.

I’ve always worried more about my son than my daughter . She has a bevy of specialists and medical professionals around. She is seen .

Don’t always assume that parents aren’t aware of this.

Being the sibling of a child with complex needs must be incredibly difficult. It brings

along a set of circumstances that only those in a similar situation could possible understand.

https://siblingsaustralia.org.au/our-people/

has got resources for adult, teen and child siblings . There is also advice for parents and schools on how to best support their children .

dee dee March 4, 2023

@rush totes agree. I read the news too much. Doom scroller that I am. Get overwhelmed and then wonder why I feel down… Good idea to focus on stuff that can have some done about it🙂

dee dee March 3, 2023

@rush totally hear you on this. It is exhausting.

I have no social media , never had..

One of the things I remind myself is that the good , kind, non judgemental people are too busy living their lives to post horrible comments on social media.

And it gives hope that when it does happen it gets called out. Like in this article.

I’m often shocked at how utterly rude and utterly right some people feel they have a right to be.

Also would people behave this way in person? What is the point of all the nastiness?

There are many kind people in the world and , from reading your comments over the years , Rush, you are one of them .

dee dee February 7, 2023

@dannnngirl r this is a really good point. You guys do a massively important job.

My daughter has cerebral palsy and has always attended mainstream schools. In our cohort for footy, circus, support groups and the like some of the kids attend mainstream and others special schools . The specials schools offer continous one on one support, physio, ot and speech onsite. The classes are small and specific needs are catered too.

People don’t think about things like going to the loo and how that looks for a wheelchair user or who can’t stand to navigate pulling up shorts for example.

My daughter is an ambulant wheelchair user and does not have an intellectual disability . Her primary school was supportive and caring however the allocation of funding and an eas meant that kids with neurodiversity, high emotional needs meant that often the ea that had been allocated to her ended up attending to these other kids. One of the other mums and I used to joke that her son only had adhd /asd 2 days per week and my daughter had cp 3 days per week.

One of the biggest issues is funding and training as you pointed out . Most kids with a disability in Australia attend mainstreams schools and the infrastructure needs to be there to support that.

Special schools are an important and necessary part of the education system. That support inclusivity . Most people never experience this side of life or have to deal with the practical day to day details of living with or a supporting a child with a disability . It requires time, thought, planning, patience and care. As you wrote safety is paramount too. For 2 years I went to my daughters school at lunchtime as she could choke (with food but mostly on water) , the fear was aspiration . Her school simply did not have the people to sit with her at lunch one on one to attend her . Same with going to the loo, or navigating stairs.

They were a fantastic primary school and have garnered a reputation for dealing with neurodiversity and making the site accessible. But still lacked the resources for the level of supervision/ care my daughter required, especially when younger.

She is now attending a small , alternative high school where the the infrastructure issues are moot due to the size and layout of the school.

You guys do an amazing and important job at special schools . The level of care , fun and kindness is huge. And like swans, sometimes people only see the gliding across the surface without witnessing the furious paddling underneath.

dee dee January 8, 2023

@snorks I’m agreeing with you . Which is why I made the comment about Daoist principles in a reading of Sun Tzu ( /Sun Bin). Peacefulness and passiveness, not countering an argument by being combative but listening to what that person has to say and nudging them gently in a different direction by offering alternatives.

Which is why showing people an alternative viewpoint to tates ( in good male role models) can by itself put his viewpoint into context on a broader level. So it is not an isolated view.

Tates view creates a very visceral reaction amongst a lot of people.

It can be tricky to contextualise statements in his narrative as his views are so hateful.

Also can be there ever be any justification for such views? In contextualising them are we giving them a chance to be rationalised when really there is no way this can be rationalised ? Maybe cutting off the oxygen to his fire means it fizzles out?

I enjoy your comments Snorks. They make me think about alternatives and challenge presumed ideas :).

dee dee January 7, 2023

@snorks the point being made by the article is to offer alternatives for male role models to boys/ men who believe tate’s diatribe. To show that there are other ways of thinking about things and putting tate’s views into context outwith the echo chamber of online platforms.

The point you make about about knowing your enemy is a good one.

In order to fully disassemble someone’s argument you have to fully understand it. The Art of War if taken from a Daoist philosophy is about ‘peacefulness and passiveness’, avoiding confrontation. Which as far as countering a viewpoint like tate’s would be the best approach to take. Not adding fuel to the fire but gently deconstructing and offering alternatives .

Reasoning with unreasonable people is tricky at the best of times.

Reasoning with a teenage boy nigh on impossible .

The answer maybe is not in convincing those following tate that their viewpoint is wrong but helping them understand how damaging it is . Steering them onto a path that gets them to really think about the impact of someone like tate and what that means in real terms and ‘real ‘ life consequences.

dee dee January 6, 2023

@snorks men’s health is good stuff. .I don’t think for a minute tho that tate cares at all about mens health. Otherwise he wouldn’t post contradictory messages.

Mama Mia user above sums up his MO perfectly.

dee dee January 5, 2023

@mamamia-user-482898552 you’ve summed up tate’s , and his like’s, mo perfectly.

My son is pretty cluey. He’s at an age where I’m constantly reminded he’s not a little kid anymore. He’s got good mates and respectful men in his life , which definitely helps . Oh and ‘weird’ , feminist/ humanist mother . Fingers crossed it’s paying off :).