All vaginal births.

I was brainwashed into thinking that vaginal births were always better for Mum and baby compared to c sections.

I went in each time telling myself to trust my body, my body was made to do this, ect ect..

You know what?

My first baby was 6lb 10oz, I suffered second degree tearing and lost a lot of dignity with that birth, so much so that it took me 5 years to have another child due to the mental scars.

My second baby was 7lbs 5oz, a nicer experience then the first, only needed a few stitches for that one.

3rd baby had to be induced in the 36th week, I was admitted to hospital for 4 days while the midwifes put cervadil inside me behind my cervix, had me continuously monitored (stuck in a bed) and finally a balloon catheter fillled with water hung from my cervix to force it open for a induction. That baby went into distress after they broke my waters and ran the hormone drip- the cord was wrapped around his neck causing his heart rate to dip.. he’s just turned 3, we suspect he has cerebral palsy due to the difficult labour.

My 4th baby was large for gestational age. 9lb 1oz, I was told “oh if he were your first baby we’d be concerned but we aren’t because he’s your 4th baby, you’ll be fine!

I was induced at 39 weeks, shoulder dystocia, luckily he’s ok.. I ended up with a grade 2 prolapsed bladder, grade 2 prolapsed urethra, grade 2 rectocele, grade 1 prolapsed uterus AND required a perennial reconstruction!

I pee myself when I laugh, cough, sneeze, run or jump.

My bladder fills my vagina 24/7 like a meaty balloon. The skin just burns and stings all day.

I have spend thousands on women’s health physio therapy to strengthen the muscles in my pelvic floor but the only way to fix my injuries is with surgery. Surgery that can often fail that needs to be repeated every 10 years or so through life.

to the commenter that says c sections cost the tax payers money, think of how much these injuries cost? It’s hard t think of maintaining a job when you can’t lift more then 5kg or you have lower back pain from standing and bending. Peeing yourself all the time is embarrassing. Until you suffer these injuries personally, no one can understand the impact they have on your dignity, your sexuality,your confidence. I have 4 beautiful kids, but I wish I could go kick a ball with them,pick them up, laugh with them..

I wish I could be intimate with myhusband without peeing during sex or having my bladder shoved around.

I have to wait at least 3 years after the birth for my surgery to try to repair some of this, I pray it will be successful for as long as possible because this is not the life I planned on living at 30 years of age.