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sellen December 16, 2022

I'm sorry, I couldn't read this in detail, though I really wish I could have.

Just here to comment that I'm another one, also with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I found the condition myself last year, and then found a specialist who would assess me accurately. The signs were there most of my life - I had my first EDS-related injury at 12 or 13, and I started seeing doctors regularly looking for help with symptoms of EDS and related comorbidities from 19 years old.

At BEST I confused doctors. That's the absolute best. Most of the time I was just told nothing was wrong, or it was related to anxiety in some way.

At 26 I did my own research, found the problems I suspected (EDS and a couple of comorbidities), and I have since been diagnosed. I'm very lucky to have finally found a supportive doctor that year.

Medical trauma is rough, and I wasn't able to read your post in detail. But I did want to share my experience. This needs to improve for women and gender diverse people.

sellen October 19, 2022

@therage I came here to say this. I had undiagnosed ASD and ADHD. In my childhood years, they mainly just caused private issues for me that my family didn't really see. When I hit my teen years I was having severe meltdowns regularly. 


I was told my ASD meltdowns were 'panic attacks' for so many years, before I discovered ASD and ADHD, and found a specialist who was capable of seeing the signs in girls and women. I had a lot of specialists miss it, which is an expected part of the process with these conditions in girls and women unfortunately.

sellen May 4, 2021

I think that both is good! It's sad that women feel like they need to do these things. If you want it, for YOU - not because you feel like society wants you to, but because you want to - then go for it!


There's certainly a lesson in self love, though also don't be ashamed for having these treatments.

I'm 25 and started with botox at 24. I know - it's young! I was reaching a point where I was far too preoccupied with my forehead. I thought, since it was available to me, I would give it a go! I love skincare. I've received many peels and treatments over the years (bad bouts of adult acne), so for me it just seemed like another skincare service.

I'm happy that I did. I never think about my forehead, my preoccupation has faded. It was the right decision for me. It's okay if you want to get it done, and it doesn't reflect negatively on your ability to love yourself as you are. It's also okay if you don't get it done! Just whatever decision you make... Make it for you!

sellen February 20, 2021

I really feel this... I've ended my relationship with my best friend of seven years (with a friendship of 13 in total). I was her Maid of Honour and always thought she would be mine. It reached a point where I knew I was in a toxic relationship and had to step back, after a year and a half of mounting stress and pressure from the friendship


But since, I just keep hearing "they will work it out" from everyone around me, completely overlooking how hard it truly was to make the break. People don't say these things when you make the decision to end a romantic relationship. Realising that you need to end a friendship is just as excruciating (if not more). It's not something done lightly, and yet it's not even treated with half the consideration.

sellen February 15, 2021

@mamamia-user-43186868 This is sad, I've seen this before... He would tell her "I don't want to get married and have kids". She was with him 18 years when he left her for a younger woman, got married and had kids. She would be in her 60s or 70s now and sadly never had those things. She really wanted them, but stuck with him because she loved him.

sellen February 13, 2021

Oh hun, I'm sorry but this is not good. I am concerned about how he dropped this on you. As lovely and intimate as that moment was, he can play dumb all he likes, but to drop a bomb like that on someone with no regard for the fact that they might not feel the same way, especially after you have just mentioned marriage, is just plain nasty. As Sparkles said, he either lacks empathy, or is very immature. 

Your concern that "maybe he is right?" also has me worried that he's manipulated you into seeing things differently to how they are. You can "live for the day" as much as you like, but if you do not want the same things, you do not have a future. It's giving me gaslighting vibes. Reminds me of my ex who knew how much marriage meant to me, and 5 years into our relationship told me it wasn't for him, then made me feel guilty for wanting to split, knowing we didn't want the same things. I wasted another 2 years on the man, "living for the now", and was left with no ring and a broken heart. 

He used to do things that made me feel LUCKY to have his time. Like I had to prove something, like I could never just be content and secure, I had to always be on edge and concerned and wondering when everything would be pulled out from under me. Even in the GOOD moments, wondering if they were enough for him to be happy with me forever. To commit to me the way I wanted to for him. 

What a joke that was, I should have walked the first time and not come back.  

You. Deserve. Better. I'm on the other side of it now, celebrating 1 year this week with an amazing partner. You will love this strongly again, but it will be SO much better, because it will be reciprocated, and you can actually build a future together. 

You. Deserve. Better. I'm on the other side of it now, celebrating 1 year this week with an amazing partner. You will love this strongly again, but it will be SO much better, because it will be reciprocated, and you can actually build a future together.

Get out of there hun, while you've only spent two years on him. When you find someone who wants a future with you as much as you do, it's pretty wonderful.

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