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everyone has issues June 13, 2024

I think your message is hilarious and his belated response indicates that it possibly made him think for a minute. Even if it had no effect on him, I think you standing up for yourself (in an entertaining way) and calling out ghosting as plain rude is perfect. Some people aren’t that considerate, others ghost to avoid an awkward situation but I prefer to hang out with people who know how to communicate

everyone has issues May 13, 2024

I’m so sorry this is so hard for you and your family - my son’s behaviour is like this too when he’s overwhelmed by his feelings and can’t self-regulate.

You are doing an amazing job supporting your whole family but you need the right help and that doctor wasn’t it. Your child is communicating through his behaviour that he’s struggling and it sounds like your whole family feels it. Our experience is that a child psychiatrist is the best for mental health issues - ADHD/ODD/Autism/anxiety they can decide what to call it and get you the support that you and your family need.

Medication can reduce aggression and help your son feel more calm and in control of his feelings, therapy can help but not all kids want to talk. I recommend a parenting or family therapist for you and your husband (can be done online) to give you support and advice. Your GP can refer your son to a mental health OT which can be covered by Medicare and you can find support workers on HireUp and Mable that are like a buddy for your son and can give you a break.

Your son and your whole family are lucky they have you advocating for them - I know it takes a lot of stamina but I hope you get support and it gets easier soon

everyone has issues March 21, 2024

Holly - I love how insightful you always are and you’re spot on with your advice.

To feeling sh*t - I feel you and as both a stepmum and a biological mum, maybe I have some thoughts that could help.

I became a stepmum straight after my now husband’s high conflict divorce and I had the reverse situation - I was told I didn’t know what I was doing and together with my husband, we were lectured on what tissues to use (literally) as well as all the big and small stuff. I get what it is to be made to feel bad when you’re doing your best at raising a small human with love.

I listened and assumed she was right which was unfortunate, but there were also things I really didn’t understand until I gave birth and raised kids full-time. Maybe the ex’s wife is passive-aggressive (I hope not, come on sisterhood) but maybe she really doesn’t get it and thinks she’s being helpful? In any case I do think your ex should guide her better but that’s highly unlikely - he’s probably thrilled the women are carrying all the mental load! Can you send a text to her that nicely conveys: “thanks, I know you mean well, but it’s making me feel bad”? We can’t assume she knows how you feel and maybe she needs a helpful article sent to her?

I have always loved my stepson and NEVER said/texted anything to his mother as I was too intimidated, but I did silently judge as I didn’t know any better. As Holly said, non-parents do this all the time and it shouldn’t be allowed, but as humans, we do this because we don’t know what we don’t know. I’m guessing she’ll learn this lesson if she has biological kids - we’ve all remembered our pre-kids ideas on parenting and cringed!

everyone has issues January 15, 2024

With clearly too much time on my hands, I’m very worried about Juno Temple’s breasts which are seemingly being cut in half by her bustier - it really looks painful!

everyone has issues November 6, 2023

I have no idea how you could ever be described as “scruffy and unkempt” but surely we’re not STILL judging our fellow women by how they look instead of LISTENING to what they’re saying???

everyone has issues October 1, 2023

I absolutely LOVE Airyday and had no idea this was the incredible story behind it. I react to chemical sunscreens and so do my kids so I have to use zinc-based sunscreen. Blending skincare and sunscreen has been a game-changer and I’ve tried several other brands which feel nice but if you rub your eyes you won’t think they’re so nice anymore. Somehow Airyday is magic and doesn’t hurt my eyes so I’ve found my holy grail!

everyone has issues September 17, 2023

Love to hear your recommendations. Need serious help with understanding how what looks to me like a great (and probably firmly fitting) crop top can give enough support for big boobs? I’ve never gone without underwire (except when pregnant/breastfeeding and it wasn’t a good look!) and I can’t imagine this holds you in place???

everyone has issues February 3, 2023

Thank you so much for this article and I really feel for you and your son. My son is on the autism spectrum, has ADD and anxiety and struggled throughout primary school. At age 6 he had his first and second aggressive outburst and his school removed him from class for 3 weeks. After that he refused all attempts by staff to get him back into the classroom.

I always felt “school refusal” was better explained as being like a phobia. We would never drag a person, kicking, screaming, biting, etc to get close to a spider if they had arachnophobia. I’m not suggesting that we avoid the trigger altogether, but seeing this as a mental health issue rather than a behavioural issue would be a good start.

My son subsequently attended 2 “special schools” and while he made amazing friends that he remains in contact with after leaving, he regressed significantly with each change. Experts often say “stay the course” with these kids and I found that helpful - if parents and staff don’t give up on these kids, and we keep persevering with therapy, kindness and patience, progress can be made.

I love the book “Hey Warrior” by psychologist Karen Young . It’s written for children but it really helped me understand the brain in fight or flight mode and how we all have times when we feel like that.

I hope you have a supportive team of educators, health professionals and friends who can help your family and not judge. You are clearly dedicated to your son and he’s so lucky to have you advocating for him.

everyone has issues January 30, 2023

Thank you so much for writing this for all parents - even those without neurodivergent kids. We’re far from perfect but we’re committed to loving our kids and trying to do the best we can with what we have.

Having my own neurodivergent son who has had his own big challenges with self-regulation, I have often felt overwhelmed and learned that self-regulation is a challenge at times for anyone who feels like they’ve gone beyond their limits.

Finally getting a diagnosis has been crucial for us to access vital NDIS funding, but even before that we found some amazing, trained support workers through Hireup and Gumtree that became part of our village. Both my neurotypical and neurodivergent kids loved our support workers as they often did outings or activities that I didn’t have the bandwidth to do.

Some days are so hard and you’re definitely not alone but trust that you’re doing an awesome, imperfect job.

everyone has issues July 20, 2022

I’m so sorry you were treated without compassion when the medical professionals could see you were shaking and crying and where was the INFORMED consent? We need to do better when working with people who are injured and scared as people often are when they’re in hospital. There are many wonderful healthcare professionals who see the patient as a whole person and if you have a choice, it’s great to have these people as part of your support team.

Physical pain has an established link with a sense of danger - there’s a famous case of a baker who injures his hand at work and whenever he smells baking bread, his hand hurts. Smells often trigger memories and your brain alerted you to possible danger in an attempt to protect you. It would be helpful when you see a new health professional to write on the form “anxiety related to medical settings” or maybe you prefer to slip into the conversation that medical settings make you anxious to ensure you are given the support you need.

Thank you for sharing your story - it helps both health professionals and other mums to learn from your experiences and I hope you continue towards healing.

everyone has issues June 28, 2022

My son has all the same diagnoses as yours and I feel your struggle. He has been suspended many times from “normal” schools and from schools for kids with behavioural and emotional disturbances but I have battled on with an imperfect education system.

We have met educators who have harshly judged and made things so much worse but we have also met wonderful staff who are patient and kind. A lot more training is needed for teachers and more support is essential for our kids in the classroom but if you find the right team, it helps make everyone’s life more manageable.

My son is now 11 and the physical aggression has significantly decreased but he still struggles with self-regulation and frustration tolerance. Like your son, he’s smart and hilarious and when he’s calm, he’s very engaging. NDIS is worth persevering with although you need to find a good specialist who can write the supporting letter that will make all the difference to your funding. I also recommend Hireup - their support workers have been amazing and it will give you a bit of relief as well as some connection for your son.

Your son is lucky to have you working so hard for him and as you already know, you’re not alone in this struggle. Sending lots of love and support.

everyone has issues June 7, 2022

In her interview, Mandy Moore says Ryan Adams did NOT offer her a private apology - did that change or is this a typo?

everyone has issues February 7, 2022

Before I read this, I thought I had an understanding of eating disorders but this showed me I really had no idea what it feels like and how much mental effort is involved in living with it. I wish it would be easier for you but hopefully you know you’re doing an amazing job just showing up for the challenge.

everyone has issues September 18, 2021

As a mum of 1 neurodiverse child and 2 neurotypical children, I’ve been both amazed by people’s kindness and stunned by the the lack of insight of a few. A brief interaction at the supermarket is NEVER the right time for a counsellor to deliver unsolicited advice - it sounds extremely unprofessional.

As parents we are often on the receiving end of “helpful hints” from complete strangers without any knowledge of the background of the situation. You know your child and your family and you are in a far better position to decide what is best for them. Let’s hope she went home and realised she shouldn’t have sounded so judgemental and regretted what she said!

everyone has issues October 6, 2020

I cringe when I remember the times I silently judged others until my youngest son started to struggle at school. Now I know how some kids can look like they’re exploding when they are extremely distressed.

Our son felt like he had so many failures as some educators and clinicians didn’t understand how he thinks and learns and he went from being extremely friendly and engaging, to anxious and mistrustful. At his current school, rather than talking about a child being “manipulative” or “having a meltdown”, they speak about “a child in crisis” and they work hard to preserve their dignity and reduce their shame.

If our kids had an epileptic seizure, others wouldn’t stand around in judgement, the focus would be on empathy and safety- so why should this condition (and many others) be any different? I have met so many parents who are going through something similar with kids who struggle at various ages and I realise life is complicated and we all have our issues. Some struggles can be obvious, but sometimes they look invisible to others, so I try to be kind. I hope you find people who see your child for more than just his struggles and ignore people who have no idea.

judith July 10, 2020

I know what it’s like to have a close friendship end and years later still be trying to work out how it all disappeared. I wonder if it is easier to imagine that your friend’s husband is the one influencing her rather than seeing your friend as being the one responsible for letting the friendship go.

It sounds like your friend struggled with balancing her new, coupled life (including religion) and her friendship with you and that is a bitter to pill to swallow. Some people drop friends when they become a couple and that hurts. Maybe they felt the friendship had run its course or maybe they’re just a bad friend. Either way she let go of something that was important to you (and presumably her at some point) and she wasn’t able to clearly communicate with you. I hope you have other good friends that value you and your friendship.