@seekingc it may not be obvious now, but in time your kids will know what you did and for how long you did it - even if dad claims credit for it when they're on his watch. Children are clever and intuit on who the real parent is. 

Thank you Holly. You have so accurately described my former life. I was the behind the scenes, unacknowledged care giver to my small kids while being the married breadwinner. When I did break down in front of a therapist, she told me I was stretched beyond thin, then quickly followed up with "that's life". My own family members still are unable to understand what it was like, and yes my father in law was openly negative towards me being the "provider" to his unemployed son and the kids. Life is waaaay easier now being a single parent. I still "do it all" same as before, but now it's clear it's only me. Thank you again ❤️

@rush definitely agree with you. I made the mistake of convincing my ex to have kids when there was never an enthusiastic yes. We had 3 beautiful kids but even now that the kids are school aged, it's clear their dads world is about him and not them. It makes me so sad for my kids I couldn't give them a good father. Please think about what kind of dad he will be if he doesn't want kids.

My grandmother was in a financial, controlling and emotional abusive marriage for most of her life. She never left him. My mother was also in the same type of abuse for the 25 years of her marriage before she left. I was in a sexual, controlling and emotional abusive relationship for 15 years. It can be such a complex and difficult multi generation pattern. Thank you for sharing this story, many people would relate to it.

Gosh am sorry to hear what Chelsey has been thru. I have also left my husband after 15 years of sexual and controlling emotional abuse. With help from my mental health practitioner, the best advice I've practised when talking to the kids about it is to be honest at an age appropriate level. This brings awareness and understanding for them. For example "Mum had to leave dad because his behaviour towards me was not ok. It's never ok to be mean to someone all the time. Your dad loves you and it's ok to love dad. Because mum and dad live in two separate homes now, mum is much happier and can be a better mum to you". Also "mum and dad are not friends but we work together to look after you". This is still a work in progress, but I refuse to lie about my ex-husbands behaviour. If the kids learn anything from this difficult time, is that even if it is difficult to leave, you should never tolerate being friends with/ have a partner who is abusive.  

I had an abortion in QLD. It was my fourth pregnancy and I was still breast feeding my 3rd child who was 7 months old at the time. I was 37 years old, I have a university degree, a very nice career and was married at the time. I had a medical abortion, so once pregnancy was confirmed I was given the necessary medication to terminate, and taking the medication was planned so I didn't have to give up breastfeeding! I saw lots of other women at the clinic. The staff were amazing. I have no regrets.

This is a massive red flag. You are not the problem. His attitude and disregard for your pleasure is. Clearly he is very insecure and has shown you no empathy on this sensitive topic. Please take care. You deserve respect and a partner who is mature and caring enough to genuinely want to give you pleasure. 

It's clear that you and the kids found it hard in the mornings... so where was their dad? Couldn't he help out with the drop off's? I don't want to assume, but this article suggests that in addition to you bringing in a 6 figure salary, you were also the primary care giver.

I agree that for the individuals with anxiety issues, this is their bandaid. It won't cure their anxiety nor prevent bad things from happening. It sounds like the individuals who agree with being tracked, have never been on the receiving end of controlling/ stalker partners. Or perhaps they have, but haven't realised it yet or believe it's normal. It took me years to realise my ex was abusive and controlling as he used devises to track and surveillance me in secret - but in his words "it was because I care about you".  Take care for those who are keen on having their location tracked!

I am an ex communications technician ('greenie' or 'c-rate' in navy slang) and this story echoes my experience in leaving the navy in 2008 after a 6 year service. I had a 'seminar' where a civilian shovelled information for an hour on employment as a civilian, then kicked me out of his office. End of transition. No follow-up. No details of transition/ employment/etc services, if there were any at the time. It's only now in 2021 that I started using 'Open arms' service to help with mental health care for veterans and ex-defence members. Any ex-defence member or their relatives reading this, I highly recommend the Open arms service. It's available for you and your family members. 

I resonate so much with this story. My ex has deep insecurity and mental health issues. He will go well and truly out of his way to please anyone and everyone. I think that's why my family was so shocked when I left him, and why some relatives talk to him instead of me. Throughout our 15 year relationship he had 3 girlfriends and told me that am the one with the problem. That am the one that needs help. I worked full time before, during and after each pregnancy while he was the unemployed "home maker". I always felt like a single parent in a two-parent relationship because I had to keep asking him to clean, cook, look after the kids while am at work, etc. Am so deeply ashamed that it took me so many years to leave him.

I was in this same scenario a few months ago. I felt so guilty thinking about my kids living at two different addresses (mine and their fathers), that I stayed separated under the one roof. It was hell. We fought all the time, the kids heard everything even when we talked at night when they were in bed. Like the author of this article, I too was at the "I'm ready to end this marriage" phase, but my ex was clearly not. I had to leave the marital home with the kids and get our own place because my ex was not ready to accept our marriage was over. I was scared at first, but it was the BEST decision to make. It made it clear to my ex that its over. Now he's slowly come round to accept the separation and is keen to remain an active parent. The kids are happy because mum and dad no longer fight and while I see my ex nearly every day when I pick up the kids/ family outings; at the end of the day we go home to our separate houses.