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freyja
October 16, 2022
Sending hugs.
Your story sounds so much like what I went through with my parents. I wonder if your phone calls with questions served as challenges to your parents' control. Their reply of 'no' to your suggestion of family counselling would indicate that. I believe their ceasing contact is another form of control--withdrawal.
In my case, I one day came to the jarring realisation that one of my parents was narcissistic, and I started to look into how to manage a relationship where the other is devoid of empathy and is all about using, manipulating and controlling the other. As I started to gently and respectfully install boundaries, the bad behaviour escalated and eventually culminated in an explosive relationship breakdown (not my choice!). Suddenly, my parents would not speak with me. The aftermath over the past year has been one of grief and also gratitude. But it was the 'Why would they discard me?' and 'How could they do that when I gave them so much?' that was eating away at my healing.
I happened upon the YouTube videos of author HG Tudor which presented to me a clear and logical, startling and disturbing insight into the narcissist's mind. The penny dropped. I finally understood what had been happening, all my life, and WHY my parents behaved as they did. I could finally stop searching for answers and get on with my life.
I hope you find your answers and complete your healing.