So awful 😖. What a dogs breakfast of a relationship with so many hurt

I am hopelessly devoted to someone since 24 yo (now 66) he's my perfect. He is 10 yrs older. Doesnt drink smoke (christian 1yr after we met) We were never intimate. We were besties. He said he had vasectomy after failed marriage and 2 sons and never wanted marriage He told my hb he didnt fancy me. He used to hit on my friends. We married others He said he was pressured (church)He moved interstate we both divorced