MIA: Congratulations Kate. You survived the toughest year of your life.

By MIA FREEDMAN

Dear Kate,

Congratulations. You made it. Your firstborn child has turned one and you have survived the most challenging year of his life. And your own.

A child’s first birthday is much more of a milestone for the mum than the baby. Especially when it’s your first baby. As far as he’s concerned, the only thing that matters today – and every day –  is having a full tummy and being close to you, preferably with his chubby little sticky hands entwined in your hair.

But for you, George’s first birthday means you’ve survived the most intense 12 months of your life. You’ve made it through the most physical period of motherhood and you’ve climbed the steepest learning curve you’ll ever encounter.

You’ve survived the overwhelming tsunami of sleep deprivation – make no mistake, it’s not over, you will forever sleep more lightly when you’re under the same roof as your child but it will never floor you like those teeth-achingly, zombie-like weeks and months did right after he was born. It won’t ever be that bad again because you’ve visited the land of No Sleep and you’re familiar with its brutal geography. It’s an awful place to visit but you know you can survive it. And you know that eventually, you will leave.

You’ve been faced with a myriad of decisions this past year that have caused you no small degree of angst, guilt and heartache. Should you breastfeed or not? For how long? Should you demand feed or feed to a schedule? Should you go with the flow or follow a sleep routine? Which routine? Should you do controlled crying? Controlled comforting? Is there a difference? Should you let him cry for a bit before you pick him up from his cot or go to him immediately every time? Will he become ‘spoiled’ if you do that? Can you even spoil a baby?

You’ve had to learn to be bombarded by an avalanche of advice – most of it conflicting. You’ve had to learn who to listen to, who to ignore and how to get those people to be quiet. You’ve had to learn to trust your gut.

Millions of mothers have walked this same confusing path and had to wrestle with the same questions and anxieties. You’re not alone and I hope you have taken comfort from that.

However as much as we’ve walked in your shoes, very few of us have had to deal with a hundred more specific concerns at the same time like what to wear home from hospital when a thousand international journalists are waiting to see you. And judge you. Or how to walk down the concrete stairs carrying a newborn with hundreds of millions of eyes watching. And how to be natural with your baby in public when every sound and gesture either of you make is analysed for days by the international media.

And don’t get me started on the scrutiny of your body. Every new mother feels it intensely. We all grapple with the idea of our post-baby body and wonder what others are thinking when the harshest critics are always ourselves.

That’s been amplified for you times a million. Being pregnant is the most out of control your body will ever be as you literally become a vessel for your baby. The wonder of those first movements, the physical and emotional intensity of birth and the aftermath of being so physically and mentally connected to someone who is entirely dependent on you. It’s impossible to compare it to any other experience you could ever have.

The first 12 months after giving birth – and the nine months prior –  is an epic journey to relearn your body and renew your relationship with it. You have a new respect for it now. It made and carried a human and brought him safely into the world. It is an awesome thing in the true sense of the word.

So too your relationship with your husband has changed this year. It’s deepened. You’ve seen a side of him that neither of you knew was there. You’ve seen him be a father and you’ve fallen more in love that you thought possible. You’ve discovered how sexy it can be to see a man be a good father. The connection you have as a family – a family! – has floored you.

Your very being has been recalibrated this past year. You have learned that all the cliches are true. Becoming a mother has opened your heart and also exposed it. You now walk around with your heart held carefully in your hands, naked and vulnerable to the excruciating prospect of any harm coming to your boy.

This was a shock at first. That depth of feeling. That lack of control. You’d lived your whole life until giving birth being in charge of your life and your destiny – as much as any adult can be. But a year ago, it all changed. A part of your DNA left your body and entered the world, taking with it a massive chunk of your heart.

You never knew you could love this hard or feel this scared or be this happy. You will never be the same.

In a good way.

Congratulations Kate and every new Mum. You made it.

Is there any words of wisdom you’d give Princess Catherine? (If she was reading…)