When I had my first child, I was so determined not to be one of those over-cautious mums who packed too much (like most first-time mums) that I packed too little.
I’d head out of the house with one nappy and two wet wipes in a sandwich bag and end up in my local shopping centre desperately buying more nappies, packets of wet wipes and lots of other things that I definitely needed and should have just bloody packed.
Now that I’ve been a mum for 11 years and have three children who have survived the experience, I feel qualified to share with you some insights into being prepared for anything when it comes to parenting.
And I do mean ANYTHING.
1. Awkward questions asked loudly in public.
Hey kids, want to know about the birds and the bees? The shopping centre is not the time to ask me, okay? I’ve been asked inappropriate questions by all three children loudly in public settings so often that I’ve become quite efficient at deflecting them. Just have a phrase similar to this ready:
“Let’s talk about that when we get home. Now, who would like some sushi?”
“I’ll tell you all about it when we get back to the car. Now, who wants a toy?”
“I’m so happy you asked. Let’s talk about it when we have a bit more time. Now, who wants to push the trolley?”
I call it the Defer And Deflect Manoeuvre.
2. Unexpected illnesses.
The people who are trying to get rid of plastic grocery bags have obviously never had a child suddenly vomit on them. It can happen anywhere, anytime but in my family it normally happens in the car or at family functions. I always have a grey plastic bag in my handbag and one in my glove box. Check them for holes, though. I found out the hard way that a plastic bag with holes in it is like vomiting into a colander. Sorry to be graphic, but it’s an important point.
When you have kids you become pretty good at dealing with unexpected illnesses. Just make sure your medicine cabinet has a thermometer, those chocolate squares for worms, different flavours of pain killer and something for itchiness and you’re covered.
3. Injuries, with the rule being the smaller the injury, the more it will hurt.
Have you ever noticed that scratches and cuts hurt more when you are in a place where you’d prefer your children not to scream and cry at the top of their lungs?
What they need is tender loving care in the form of Band-Aids and antiseptic cream which I carry with me everywhere and which seem to cure everything. My daughter is always comforted by a Princess Band-Aid and my son always feels better if I put cream on the spot where his brother hit him.
Just put them in a little sandwich bag and throw them in your handbag. Calm will be easily restored in seconds.
4. Thirst. They are camels.
Carry water with you everywhere because the second their water bottles are out of sight, they will be thirsty. Requests for water seem to be just as urgent as requests for the toilet.
“Mum, I’m THIRSTY. I NEED water.” It’s like they’ve never had a drink of water before.
I have three children so it can be hard to constantly juggle three water bottles, so I have taken to carrying a single bottle of water in my handbag at all times. I have three straws in a sandwich bag so they don’t have to share the bottle, because… germs.
5. Pestering demands for things.
This one is easy. You can try telling them before leaving the house that you won’t be buying them anything. However they still can’t help themselves, can they? So here’s what you do. From around July just tell them that you can’t buy them anything because you are saving for Christmas. That stops them in their tracks.
After Christmas? Tell them you are madly saving to buy them something amazing for their birthday.
Pester power, neutralised.
How do you prepare as a parent?
Here are a few disasters we don’t think even the most prepared parent could have prevented:
