Having it all. The perfect family, job, house, car, friends, social life, and everything else. It’s something that everyone always seems to be working towards and it’s also what Mamamia reader Polly* is currently enjoying. But she can’t help feeling that there’s something wrong with the picture.
Polly writes:
“I live an insanely blessed life. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and with each year that passes we find better ways to walk this life together, we have two healthy, happy, bright girls, the house of our dreams, I love my job where I get to work with my best friend and work hours that suit me as a mum, I have a best friend that speaks my language of love and friendship, my financial woes are simple solved by making myself stop buying dresses , I have a loving supportive family AND IN LAWS!! And I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been (and just so you know, I am sensing that bile just came to your mouth). Even as I write this my eyes dart over my shoulder…. I’m too blessed.
Without a doubt, not a day goes by when I don’t stop to be thankful for how fortunate I am, but I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit sometimes it scares the crap out of me. I’ve had my struggles, motherhood crumbled me, but again I feel blessed to have been able to ‘rebuild’ myself.
Still I have the terrible feeling that the wolf is at the door. Friend’s lose parents / partners; are diagnosed with cancer; all sorts of tragedies happen – these people are just as worthy of the blessed life I have. I tell myself that that the best way I can honour what I have is to appreciate it, and I do. I just want to know if others anticipate misfortune before it arrives, even though we know what madness it is to do so.”
Do you find yourself living in the moment, or living in fear of what’s about to come?
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I've often thought the same thing and often feel like I'm blessed! But it sometimes scares me to think that I've got so much to lose.. I wrote this blog not too long ago..
The phrase "Why me?" is synonymous with tragedy, misfortune and loss. But recently I have been thinking it for the opposite reason.
I was born in a country where healthcare is provided to all and freedom is a right. I was born without health issues and have suffered no accidents. I have a loving family, an extensive education, little to no health worries, a large earning potential and no major misfortunes in my life. I have travelled the world, laughed with friends, experienced love and have a wonderful man by my side.
I am a lucky woman.
But why me?
Many people in the world, and indeed in my life, have suffered misfortunes. Some of which are serious health problems that range from genetic to accidental or environmental, all through no fault of their own.
How did I get off unscathed?
In ancient Rome they believed that Fortuna would grant either spoils or ruins dependant solely on her whim and the resultant spin of the wheel of fortune. Larry Emdur was of the same belief.
Some Buddhists believe that your fate is dependant on your past actions, even from a past life. Perhaps I was well behaved?
The Christian religion believe that it is Gods will and he has a plan for us all. Perhaps he has a nice plan for me?
I would ask what I have done to deserve my good fortune and my ability to always land on my feet, but I don't believe that life is fair. Life is Life. Everyone is trying to avoid suffering and find happiness, despite what situation they find themselves in.
Whatever the reason we all will have misfortune throughout our lives. Perhaps it is the optimist in me that glazes over the inconsequential misfortunes in my life (not being rich/famous/stunningly beautiful) or the comparison of mine to 'what could have been' makes them insignificant.
Whatever the case I have lived well and lived happily for 25 years. And for that I am grateful and content.
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Shit happens in life. I lost my first husband and baby son in a car crash in my mid twenties. I'm 34 now and remarried. I've had other hardships too. Cancer, mental illness in the family. Im amazed at what people worry about or they can't see how good their life is and always disatisfied. I also find it interesting at reading what makes people happy here. Husband, kids, house, car, job, family, friends...it's like a checklist of successful measures? What if none of this is what people want? Does that make them not as blessed or successful? It's all one big competition right? Stand still sometimes and breathe it all in as life is very short. Sometimes people think that once everything is ticked off that everything will be perfect or let's spend time on the simple free things in life. Pay it back if you feel so blessed, wolf at the door is just pre-empting something that won't happen and if it does you will get through it. I pulled all I had in dealing with my own tragedy and then some at such a young age and living my life blessed and happy, laughing, feeling all the emotions and doing my best, is what I owe the deaths of my late husband and baby. Don't
sweat the small stuff. Live in the moment you never know what will happen.
"Wolf at the door is just pre-empting something that won't happen and if it does you will get through it." These words really struck a chord with me. I am prone to anxiety and this message is really relevant to many of the things I ruminate over. Thank you for sharing your story; truly inspirational.