"You can do a lot in 7 minutes." 18 women honestly share their sex lives after having kids.

We want to talk about sex. Specifically, sex when you're a parent. 

The concept of losing your sex drive, or your patience, or your privacy, once you become a parent has become a cliché  – but based on findings from Mamamia's Sex Survey, it's not all that untrue. 

We asked 1000 women everything about their sex lives. They answered questions on the amount of sexual partners they'd had, what their deepest fantasies were, and if sex really is ruined once they become a parent.

The responses were... telling.

Watch How are women having sex? The juiciest results from the Mamamia Sex Survey. Post continues after video.

Understandably, children aren't all that good at giving their parents alone time so they can get intimate with each other, but our results showed us parents have sex at least one or two times a week... which is the exact same for non-parents.

So, it would be easy to assume kids do not, in fact, ruin their parents' sex lives. 

But we wanted more info than that. More detail beyond the statistics. So we took to asking mothers for even more specifics – and they shared their real thoughts and honest feelings.

Here's what 18 women told us about the reality of sex after having kids. 

Poppy, aged 36, one child.

What was your sex life like before kids? Before my partner and I started trying for kids, we'd have sex at least seven times over a two-week period. It was hot, loud and not always vanilla.

What changed? We spent 18 months trying to conceive, and I actually think that the baby-making process killed our sex life more than having a kid did. With all the ovulation tests, temperature taking and reduced flexibility of actually having sex when you want to, took a shine off of it before our child even came along. Pregnancy changed sex for us again – sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

We have sex now straight after we put them to bed, because they're less likely to wake in the first few hours!    

Would you go back to the 'pre-kids self' sex? Nope. I like to think that everything is a season and 'spring' will come back, eventually. Having kids means more to me than having sex. 

Cleo, aged 35, two children. 

What was your sex life like before kids? It was spontaneous and frequent. 

What changed? You just can't be spontaneous anymore – especially when the kids are little or if one or both of you are either too tired or too sick to want sex. 

However, your connection with your partner is so much stronger after kids. Plus, it also helped me ditch my body insecurities despite going up a size. Having my children taught me to love my body, which, of course, means I am having better sex. 

Nowadays, we wait until they're both asleep, but even then, there is no guarantee we're going to do it. Also, sleepovers at Grandma's house are a good bloody win.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I'd want the frequency of sex to come back, but the quality now is much better.

Maria, aged 43, three children. 

What was your sex life like before kids? We were actually trying to conceive, so we would bonk like rabbits for the period of time that I was ovulating... but then strictly cuddling for the rest of the month.

What changed? The kids DO. NOT. SLEEP. They don't understand privacy or space. I also experienced vaginal dryness while breastfeeding, and I found that we also became incredibly exhausted and cranky with one another as well, because of the breastfeeding. 

We managed to sneak sex in during the Saturday morning cartoons behind a locked bedroom door. I don't feel guilty making time for my relationship and no one else should either – even if it involves giving them a bit of screen time to get it!

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? Pre-kids sex life was way better. I love my kids and they have changed my life in incredible ways and boring ways. I miss my pre-kid sleep, too.. and the pre-kid financial freedom. Can't forget the pre-kid social life either!

Bea, aged 35, one child. 

What was your sex life like before kids? It was random, hot and heavy. We wouldn't do it often though... maybe two to three times a month. I was always keen for random sex (still am, honestly).

What changed? Well, I do love my random sex and it used to happen usually when we went to bed at night, but now our baby sleeps in the room with us and we don't have that time to ourselves anymore. We try when she is napping in her own room, but the case always ends up being that I am too tired or my partner is pooped. I'm also exhausted at the end of the day, and as much as I try to make it a priority, it's just the last thing on my mind. 

I believe genuinely that you need a partner that is dedicated to making time for it. When my child sleeps in their own room overnight, we lock our bedroom door and go to town. 

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I miss the freedom that came with my pre-kids life (including the sex) but I wouldn't trade my baby for anything.

Pia, aged 33, one child.

What was your sex life like before kids? We would have sex at least every week. Most weekends, we'd go a few rounds. 

What changed? We have an almost one-year-old and we’ve both just been too exhausted to think about sex. I’m breastfeeding, so I think my libido is low. I check in with my husband but he says he isn’t really missing it because he’s so tired too. When they’re asleep, we sometimes make time for sex.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I can appreciate the reasons for our sex life-changing and it won't be forever... Hopefully!

Kate, aged 36, three children. 

What was your sex life like before kids? It was pretty regular, but we were not living together full time before we had kids. I stayed for two nights in the city for work at the time – but when we saw each other, it was on! 

What changed? There just isn't enough time and my vagina feels broken from the third baby. I'm also waiting for my husband to get a vasectomy, but until then I won’t have sex with him.    

It was also just really hard because our six-month-old sleeps in our bed and our five-year-old loves to visit overnight too... Prior to the last baby, we were mainly doing it in the kitchen after the kids went to bed.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? Probably not to the same extent (we're way too tired), but I would love to not be worried about getting interrupted by a kid when trying to orgasm. That’s the hardest part. I love dirty weekends away so we don’t have to worry and can be fully present with each other!

Jessy, aged 32, two children.

What was your sex life like before kids? It was pretty great honestly, and we had sex maybe once or twice a week. 

What changed? Apart from the hormones, I stopped wanting to be touched while breastfeeding. When? Where? How? It feels impossible when they're in the house!

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? Of course I want my pre-kids sex life back. But it seems impossible until the kids move out!

Betty, aged 31, one child.

What was your sex life like before kids? It was incredibly frequent.

What changed? I get no sleep. I also have a general resentment towards my partner... My life changed drastically, and theirs did not.

If we do have sex, I wait until the kids are asleep.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I do prefer before, but I’d be more attracted to my partner if they stepped up instead of being another human I am responsible for and have to give instructions to.

Em, aged 43, one child and one on the way.

What was your sex life like before kids? Before our now four-year-old arrived, it was wonderful! We'd have sex at least three times a week, and we were never tired of it!

What changed? Morning sex is off the table as our child gets up way too early, and then by the evening, we are knackered! For the first few years we realised the best time was during the kidlet's afternoon sleep time. We'd get him to sleep and then it was clothes off. We'd do the deed on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, then fall asleep until our child woke up – all very lovely and kept us connected (and well rested). 

Then our lovely child decided to drop the day sleeps at three years old so the era of afternoon delight was over. We now have to make more of an effort in the evening which is hard at times. We've recently reached a new milestone and can safely leave our child to Weetabix in the morning and watch ABC Kids downstairs. Meaning we get to stay in bed and get it on upstairs. We are so happy to be re-visiting morning sex because it makes a great start to the day, and we aren't exhausted in the same way we are by nighttime. 

I recommend locking the door and doing it when they are asleep. Buy a lock for the door. Book an overnight getaway. Flirt with each other as well, because then you'll make the time and space for it, despite privacy challenges. 

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? We had great sex before and we knew we would have great sex again after kids. While we have many fond memories of the wild times to reflect on, we still have mini-breaks as well as prioritising regular sex (couples need to be on the same page for this to happen) so it's not all bad. 

Nicole, aged 38, two children.

What was your sex life like before kids? It was spontaneous, to say the least.

What changed? The spontaneity disappeared for a while purely because at least one parent was too exhausted or caught up with the kids. Tiredness tends to create mountains out of molehills regarding problems. A new mum can resent her partner for a while if she is stuck at home 24/7 to care for kids while the partner gets to go and work and doesn't chip in much around the home on their return. 

I do find as the kids get older and are less reliant on parents, our desires reignited, and we allowed ourselves to be reminded of how sexy we are and how much fun sex can be. 

Also, sometimes a quickie in the bathroom is necessary! It's also nice when the hubby makes an effort to help around the house. It makes you a bit more inclined to have sex.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? No way do I want the old sex life back. I've grown SO much since then!

Aleisha, aged 30, two children.

What was your sex life like before kids? We usually banged at least once a week and then we'd have an all-out weekend sex sesh.

What changed? We want our weekend sex sessions back, which we used to love so much. But it's hard getting two kids with different routines to nap at the same time, and for everything to coordinate for us, so we have the time to actually have sex. Neither of us like quickies! The way I see my body has changed too, so I don't feel as sexy as I once did. I feel strong and powerful, though.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I want my kids AND a good sex life. It will come with time, I think! 

Leteeshar, aged 37, two children.

What was your sex life like before kids? It was regular, there was good variation, it was uninhibited and also without pressure! 

What changed? The opportunity to have sex lessens and the whole thing becomes more… scheduled. Morning sex is out of the question and anything too loud cuts things mighty short. There’s an unspoken feeling of pressure to “perform”, just in case you’re interrupted and that sometimes turns into “oh well, you snooze you lose” if you haven’t climaxed in time! 

In saying that, you are forced to become much more adventurous in order to make sure you get it in. Trying new things has been fun and very enjoyable. There’s a new appreciation for my body after having kids too, which has led to some great sex and pleasure. We’ve come to learn that we need to be more intentional in helping the other finish. It’s become more about both of us.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I’d love the uninhibited feelings back and not have it feel like such a schedule sometimes, but I also feel like I enjoy sex more as a result of knowing and accepting my body better after kids. There was something about having kids that psychologically helped me shift my attitude toward my body, for the better, and the sex is even better because of it. 

Lauren, aged 35, one child.

What was your sex life like before kids? So great. We spoke openly about what we loved, explored our fantasies, and even went to a sex club a few times! We would masturbate together on the nights we didn’t have sex. Our libidos were pretty high.

What changed? I now have zero libido. Sex hurts a lot as my episiotomy healed poorly. But that aside, I just don’t have the inclination or the energy! I love my husband and am still so attracted to him, my body just doesn’t want sex.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I do really miss it. I feel so guilty for not being as intimate with my husband. He doesn’t put pressure on me, but I still wish I had my sex drive back even just a little!

Simmy, aged 36, three children.

What was your sex life like before kids? It was nothing crazy, but there were no limitations or a time where we had to squeeze it in before someone was awake or needed something. Also, I wasn’t tired all the time! 

What changed? I’m so tired in my soul at night time that once the kids are in bed, I need to have dinner, tidy up and then start getting my kids and myself ready for work and daycare the next day. By the time I’ve done that, I have nothing left to give anyone else. I just want to go to bed. Then in the morning, the kids are awake early so we can't have sex because they’re up and about. 

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? For me, it’s not so much sex. It’s the communication in our relationship, it’s having a proper conversation that’s not about kids or organising something for the family to run. I miss being connected emotionally and being able to go out all the time... which always used to lead to sex. 

Sam, aged 32, two children. 

What was your sex life like before kids? It was healthy and normal. We would spend weekends in bed and the sex was spontaneous and romantic. 

What changed? When I had children, I definitely lost touch with my body and didn't feel sexy for a time. That took a while to get back, but then there is also the sheer exhaustion of life with kids. There's nothing like screaming children clinging to you through every minute of the day to kill the mood. Personally, being touched is a big thing and can create distance from your partner and I found that breastfeeding and a clingy baby made me not want to be touched by my partner. 

Everything comes and goes though, life goes through phases. On a positive note, through having kids, I have also gotten a lot more comfortable with my body, which I think has helped me be more adventurous. Although intimate moments might be few and far between, it's been the most enjoyable and intense sex we've ever had.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? I prefer now. I would take the Sundays in bed back if I could, but I wouldn't change having kids for the world. For every negative, there are a million positives. Also... where there is a will, there is a way (wink wink).

Sarah, aged 40, one child. 

What was your sex life like before kids? It was spontaneous and regular.

What changed? By the end of the pregnancy and birth, we actually were way more appreciative of our sex life when it came back. We really focussed on it and enjoyed it, and honestly, we're having better sex now than before our son arrived. We wait until he goes to bed or we plan sleepovers for him with his grandparents. We chose to prioritise our sex life. Sex being planned doesn’t mean it’s a negative thing. The more sex you have, the more you will desire to have it. 

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? No way would I go back to before. I am having way better sex!

Kim, aged 35, two children.

What was your sex life like before kids? We had similar sex drives, and it was great! Passionate, spontaneous, and frequent. 

What changed? I would just like to clarify that having kids didn't ruin sex for us. It changed it! Our babies are still in cots, so they can't walk in on us just yet. I heard a host on the radio once say, "an episode of Bluey is seven minutes. You can do a lot in seven minutes". No one will even notice you’ve left the room.

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? No, because we still have good sex – it is just way less frequent because we have sex drives that are just SO much lower than they used to be. We are so tired. But the love is so much stronger. We may be in a low sex season, but no complaints here.

Kate, aged 33, one child.

What was your sex life like before kids? My hubby and I used to be quite in tune with each other's needs and enjoyed sex a significant amount. We would do it at least two to three times a week and would mix it up in different rooms in the house or at different times of the day. It was generally vanilla, but it was enough.

What changed? We started trying for kids and it wasn't working for us, so we firmly went down the IVF path. The invasive tests, probes, examinations and specifically timed sex took the pleasure out of it. When we welcomed our daughter, I had a c-section and chose to breastfeed, so basically, my body was off-limits.

Fast forward to now, we have a 16-month-old toddler who is still breastfeeding and co-sleeping. My period still hasn’t returned and the sex drive is absent as well. I still don’t feel like myself and I don’t recognise my body. Feeling constantly over-touched is a REAL thing.  

Do you prefer your sex life now or before kids? We get a few hours together a night, but it’s generally just a time for talking or chilling out. Holding hands or cuddling is about as intimate as it gets. I wouldn't go back.

Feature Image: Getty, Canva + Mamamia.