I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends — attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al.
Well, I’ve stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It’s called CTFD, which stands for “Calm The Fuck Down.” And that’s not a message to give your kids. It’s for you.
Using CTFD assures you that — whichever way you choose to parent — your child will be fine (as long as you don’t abuse them, of course).
To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:
- Worried your friend’s child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the fuck down.
- Scared you’re not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the fuck down.
- Concerned that you’re not the type of parent you thought you’d be? Calm the fuck down.
- Upset that your child doesn’t show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the fuck down.
- Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the fuck down.
Yes, using the CTFD method, you’ll find the pressure lifted and realise your child loves you no matter what, even if they’ve yet to master the alphabet.
You’ll also learn that whether or not you’re the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they’ll think you are and that’s what matters.
Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.
To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:
- Calm the fuck down.
- There is no second step.
So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You’ll be glad you did and so will your kid.
This article was originally published on David’s website here and has been republished with permission.
Top Comments
Well, it's actually not about whether your kids love you or think you're the best parent in the world. The children of abusers and negligents love their parents and don't know any better but to think that their the best parents ever. I am a very casual, some would think lazy, parent. So I am not saying that we all must aspire to having our kids be the best, fastest, smartest, best adjusted, taking the most nutritious and dietary appropriate lunches etc etc. I reckon the acronym we should be using for parenting is DYAB. This....Do Your Absolute Best does not absolve people from neglect or abuse, but it doesn't base any judgement about your parenting on how much you are loved by your children.
The "CTFD" method has worked with my 7 children.....Love it....:)