The 5 hands down, absolute worst things about parenting toddlers.

Toddler? No. We think you mean destroyer.

The Toddler: when your angelic babies turn into uncontrollable, energetic children. It’s no secret that it’s not the easiest age period for parents to deal with, but what truly is the worst thing that toddlers do? Let Clea Sherman vent for you. 

Don’t get me wrong! I love my two year old with more passion than a crazed One Direction fan. It’s just that some days the term ‘destroyer’ would be a more apt one than ‘toddler’. I look at him when he’s fiendishly refusing to get in the bath / get dressed / stop feeding my lip balm to the dog and wish he would go back to being that tiny sleeping babe-in-arms, just for an afternoon.

These are the struggles that rear their heads once your precious angel has made the inevitable evolution into the spawn of Satan:

1. Everything you own is doomed.

When you have a child, your possession become inmates on death row. Their prison is your house, and unless they can escape or somehow hide themselves in the air conditioning ducts their fate is certain. Every single item that you hold dear is eventually going to be hurled and smashed, sat on and squashed, decorated with permanent marker, torn to shreds or dunked in a bowl of rice bubbles (farewell, brand new Samsung Galaxy phone).

Are you on the precipice of having a toddler? If so, hide everything now! You can get your Great Grandmother’s tea set out again in 16 years.

 2. If you have a toddler, you can’t have a conversation

Parents of two year olds have shorter attention spans than, well, two year olds! They can’t maintain eye contact when they’re having a discussion or focus on a simple two minute phone call.

This is because looking away for even a nano second means Junior is off discovering what happens to a leather handbag when a bottle of nail polish is poured all over it.

3. They change their minds more than the Kardashians change their marital status

This is the response I get when I ask my son what he wants for breakfast;

“Cereal!! Not cereal!!”

Followed by tears.

The indecisiveness is tied in with the inevitable toddler tantrums. All that foot stomping, back arching and wailing… do I have a child or a wild baboon protecting its jungle territory?

4. Getting them to do what you want them to is like trying to nail jelly to a wall

Oh the endless daily struggle of trying to pin a hyperactive, wriggling worm down to put clothes on and maybe brush his teeth! The cruel irony is that the struggle of dressing the childish equivalent Energizer Bunny on Red Bull then morphs into the futile coaxing of a slug who only wants to lie in a gutter and peer down a drain to actually start walking to the park. All this craziness would be cute… if it didn’t happen every single day.

5. The poo!

It’s so gross! The chunky deposits of a toddler are pretty much the same as adult ones, and after a while the memories of each expulsion start to burn into your brain (and your nostrils).

There’s the added angst that little Daphne across the road has been using the potty since she was sixteen months old, while the closest thing your stinky cherub has come to being trained is to grab a handful of their own waste and smear it on the side of the bath while exclaiming “Mummy, I done pooooo!”.

Ok, ok… and four AMAZING things that make it all worth it

1. When they start saying “I love you”

Especially if gaze up at you adoringly as they say it so that you know they’re not just trying to get another handful of Tiny Teddies.

2. Watching them learn and master new things

One day they’re a bundle of practically nothing and before you know it they’re showing you a wobbly drawing of a balloon that makes you so proud your heart could burst.

3. Cuddles

There’s nothing like a big hug-it-out session with your favourite soft-skinned snuggle bug.

4. They’re so darned cute!

Even when they’re wailing like a banshee with a megaphone and covered in snot they’re still all sorts of gorgeous and hilarious.

Like this? Try these:

18 sure-fire ways to stop toddler tantrums

'While you might judge me, this parenting trick is my saviour." 

The 9 things that only toddlers can get away with.