'Don't lower the bar. Adjust the bar.' 7 practical tips for stressed-out parents.

Ask any parent, and they'll tell you that parenting is one of the most stressful roles in the world. 

Dr Tim Sharp, also known as Dr Happy, is the Chief Happiness Officer at The Happiness Institute. And as a parent himself, he knows firsthand the challenges so many mums and dads face.

"In these post-pandemic years, we are seeing higher rates of reporting when it comes to anxiety and depression among kids and adults. And those levels are higher than we'd like them to be, although the increase is in part due to heightened awareness," Dr Sharp explained to Mamamia.

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"Every parent wants their kid to be happy and successful. But there's a lot of pressure in our society to be the very best parent and to raise the best kids."

With this in mind, here are Dr Sharp's seven tips for parents trying to manage their stress levels.

1. Remember, there is such a thing as a 'normal' amount of stress.

"It's really important to note that many so-called negative emotions — like grief, anger, frustration, stress, worry – are normal human emotions. It's normal to feel bad sometimes, and totally unrealistic to be happy all the time!" Dr Sharp said.

The issue often arises when these sorts of emotions begin to overwhelm us or are felt for a prolonged period of time.

"Chronic stress is a thing, and it can lead to problems. As a general rule, most mental health professionals say if you've been more upset than you would like to be for at least two weeks, then that's the time to seek help. But it looks different for all people."

2. Recognise and acknowledge your emotions. 

"It's about being intuitive and recognising when that stress is impacting your daily functioning," Dr Sharp explained. 

"I'd encourage parents to set aside some time on a regular basis to pause and ask themselves how they are functioning. Without recognition, awareness and acceptance, we're not really looking at the whole picture. And acknowledging when something doesn't feel right is often the best management strategy of them all."

3. Some time away can be a godsend. 

A holiday can bring a lot of joy — but a child-free holiday for parents can be a real treat. Although vacations aren't always realistic for financial and time reasons, even a day trip away or a solo morning can do a world of good.

"We all need a break. The airplane safety instructions metaphor comes to mind – 'Put your own mask on first.' For parents, we need to remember to care for ourselves and actively practice self-care. If I care for myself, I'm a much better father, and I'm also happy and healthy," Dr Sharp said. "And self-care is never selfish."

4. Scheduled fun can't hurt.

"Fun and play are awesome for our social lives, both for kids and adults. Of course, spontaneity is important for joy, but that doesn't mean we can't apply a structure to fun to make sure we're experiencing it," Dr Sharp said.

"In a way, structure can help create freedom, as it ensures we have a good slot of time to focus on injecting fun back into our lives. All parents consider themselves busy people, and often fun hobbies or activities get put on the back burner."

So if parents are finding themselves in a bit of a rut, scheduling a fun activity with the kids – or a joy-filled adults-only activity – can provide something to look forward to. As Dr Sharp said, everyone needs to have something that helps them feel hopeful and optimistic about the future.

5. ENWE: Expect Nothing, Welcome Everything.

Scrolling through Dr Sharp's Instagram page, there's an acronym that features heavily and has resonated with many. It's ENWE: expect nothing, welcome everything.

It's a sentiment that applies not just to parents but to anyone.

"It came about through some self-reflection of my own," Dr Sharp told Mamamia. I was feeling disappointed or frustrated that things weren't the way they 'should be'. But 'shoulds' can be very dangerous.

"This idea relates to Buddhism, which has elements that often overlap with positive psychology. It's about non-attachment to expectations. I think, particularly as parents, we often put expectations on our kids based on what we think is important or what society expects. But as our kids get older, they become their own people."

As a parent, it's a beautiful thing to watch your child become their own person. But for some, they find it really difficult when the child's path doesn't reflect what the parent had anticipated or planned.

It's for this reason Dr Sharp recommends we "remove our very rigid expectations" because it "makes things a hell of a lot easier".

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6. With this in mind, embrace 'good enough' parenting.

"I can't remember where I heard this phrase, but it's such a good one. When I talk to parents, we always try to celebrate the idea of 'good enough' parenting. As parents, we put so much pressure on ourselves. And we do this in other parts of our lives as well; [we try] to be perfect. But it is literally impossible.

"If we try to be that perfect parent, we're just setting ourselves up for failure. But if we can accept 'good enough' parenting, it makes it so much more enjoyable."

7. Changing your expectations isn't 'lowering' the bar; it's 'adjusting' the bar. 

"Language is everything," Dr Sharp said.

"In positive psychology, we try not to use phrases that have a negative connotation. For example, 'lowering the bar'. It's not about dropping our standards, rather just adjusting them to be more realistic. Yes, it comes down to semantics, but if we want to reinforce healthy expectations, it's always great to be mindful of the things we say to ourselves."

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Dr Sharp has been in this field of work for more than 20 years now, and says his passion never wanes.

Most recently, he's been working with Vicinity Centres to launch three unique retail wellness experiences in Sydney's CBD. Visitors can experience three multisensory wellness therapies on offer – fractal therapy, chromotherapy and sound therapy – all created in partnership with sensory experts and designed to help bring a sense of zen to shoppers.

Projects like this are "one of the most interesting and enjoyable projects I've worked on", he told Mamamia.

"I just want to help as many people as possible through the application of positive psychology. So it's really satisfying. The therapy room for individuals and their psychologist is important, but I also love the idea of getting these principles of wellbeing into the real world where everyone can access them in different ways," he said.

Dr Tim Sharp, aka Dr Happy, at the Vicinity Centres' wellness initiative. Image: Supplied.

Ultimately, Dr Sharp does believe that as a society we're getting better at prioritising wellbeing.

Yes, the rates of mental health diagnoses have increased, but Dr Sharp told Mamamia a good portion of this comes down to greater discussions and awareness surrounding mental health.

"There's definitely more work to be done. And we need to look at the rates of depression and anxiety among kids and parents. But compared to when I started in this field to now, we've progressed in leaps and bounds. The fact we're even having this conversation is a testament to that."

And for any parents right now who are feeling stuck in the weeds of burnout, this is what Dr Sharp wants to say to you:

"I think most of us now realise it's virtually impossible to get it right all the time. Parenting is possibly one of the most stressful jobs in the world. But to acknowledge the stress, and remember that none of us are perfect, can make a world of difference."

For more from Dr Tim Sharp aka Dr Happy, you can visit his Instagram @thehappinessinstitute here. 

Feature Image: Getty.