It's a word I hadn’t heard used with its original meaning in a long time. A very long time. But when it was recently used to casually describe my nephew, well, I lost my banana.
“Well, he’s a bastard, isn’t he?”
Technically, that is true. My smart, handsome and funny nephew was born out-of-wedlock.
This person didn’t mean anything offensive by her comment - she gave an accurate summary of the legal circumstances surrounding his birth. But it was hurtful nonetheless.
It got me thinking about how much the context of the word has changed over the years and why this person has hung to its originally meaning at a time when it’s barely recognisable or even necessary.
After all, being born out-of-wedlock doesn’t make a person different - they don’t have horns growing of their head or green skin. What does it actually matter?
Growing up, I didn’t know that the word bastard was an insult to those born out-of-wedlock; I thought it was an insult to anyone who acted like a jerk. It can be even in an endearing way: “Good on you, ya bastard!”.
The word has been almost fully reappropriated, with its original meaning something that belongs to Medieval times when questions surrounding birth had major consequences for who would inherit property and businesses. It was part of the social sting of being illegitimate and therefore, unwanted.
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The illegitimate description of a child born out of wedlock is still true.
Marriage is sacrosanct in the procreation of human life.
To pretend differently is to demean the term marriage and all that is encumbent with that commitment.
We have not moved "on" just developed distain for for the relevance of marriage.
Note: I was divorced and remarried. Never proud of getting divorced as I regard myself as a failure in this respect of the vows that I made at the time of my marriage. But to remain un-married when sharing my life with another felt wrong and very uncomfortable.