Excuse me.
The 2020 Oscars red carpet just happened and no I don’t understand anyone’s outfits.
It’s the event where all the famous people who live inside our laptop screens gather in the one place, and while the 92nd Academy Awards are of course a very important celebration of the film industry’s achievements, they’re also a good opportunity to talk about strange fashion moments.
This year, we had a dress that looked like a fish, a young man dressed as a bell boy, and a suit that didn’t… fit.
You can reminisce on the best moments from the 2019 Oscars in our video recap below. Post continues after video.
So please behold the 7 moments that made me – a person who knows nothing about fashion, fame or the film industry – gasp in horror.
1. When your dress isn’t… finished.
Sometimes we turn up to a red carpet, and our dress isn’t exactly… complete. And that’s okay (it’s not okay).
This was the case for model, businesswoman and FASHION DESIGNER Heidi Klum.
Somehow, the former Project Runway host turned up in a dress that was not finished, physically or philosophically.
Did it need to be hemmed? Yes.
Was the train literally a spare piece of material, most likely sticky taped to the back of the dress? Definitely.
Did the designer gather some fabric and shove it down the front instead of actually making the top half of the gown? It would appear so.
Luckily she had a big ol' silver belt to pull it all together.
2. When you look like a previously undiscovered fish.
Kristen Wiig looks beautiful. But she also looks like a bright red fish with gills.
If you went deep enough in the ocean, you'd definitely find a Kristen Wiig swimming around a shipwreck, kicking her tail and wiggling her fin (which doubles as a train on the red carpet).
I like that she doesn't... mind that she's a fish. She's almost proud. When you've been on that many red carpets, sometimes you've got to mix it up.
And today, that meant dressing as an invertebrate.
3. When your suit doesn't... fit.
YOUR SUIT IS FAR TOO BIG AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK TWO FEET TALL.
With that said, I actually appreciate that Billie Eilish gives zero f*cks about fitting into a conventional red carpet. All she wants is for everyone to understand that she went to get her nails done, and now they're very long and very black.
She's literally all of us after we've had a manicure, and we a) got a bargain, and b) are very happy with the result.
3. When you dress as a lamp.
Who did this to you.
Laura Dern is a lamp with tassels.
Confusingly, the tassels are too short, which distorts the shape of the lamp.
Her head is the lightbulb and her bracelet is the switch.
It's... fine. There are lots of other things to celebrate about Laura Dern. But dressing as a lamp is not one of them.
5. When you're dressed as a member of staff.
Timothée Chalamet can do no wrong.
Except when he turns up on the red carpet wearing what appears to be a bell boy's uniform.
It's unclear why he is wearing a matching silk (?) jacket and pants, which are definitively not a suit.
Apart from looking like an employee of the venue, Chalamet also looks a little bit like the hot coach from Bend It Like Beckham, which is unexpected.
You, Sir, are a strange little man.
6. When you're a Sim who hasn't received instructions yet.
Remember when you played The Sims and you had a character who was standing around, waiting for you to kill them in the pool/do 'woo woo' with a stranger/trap them in a fire?
That's Tom Holland on the Oscars red carpet.
Sir. Are you okay?
Do you need me to rosebud y/n.
7. When you can't decide on one dress so you wear all of them.
Saoirse.
You're only allowed to wear ONE dress to the Oscars. That's the rule.
You can't wear three in one. You simply do not have enough limbs to wear so many.
Separately, each of these dresses would be very lovely. But together they're a lot, and you can tell on Saoirse's face that she feels regret.
In the above photo, she was giving us all an important message.
With her one finger raised, she was saying: 'one'.
Always just wear one dress. Three makes things confusing. You end up struggling to accessorise. And not being able to choose a colour palette for your makeup.
We know sweetie.
We know.
Top Comments
Billie Eilish actually managed to do the impossible- make a beautiful classic Chanel suit look tacky! As for Laura Dern, it would have been beautiful without the tassels.