Thrilled to be opening up this post today. I have so much on my mind and what better way to get it off my chest than right here?
First a look at what’s been going on behind the scenes in the office.
Office Video
Yesterday we tried to shoot some footage for a video that we are making (more details soon). I always thought that I was a pretty good actress – I mean how hard can it be? But Lord, put a camera near me and I just become stupid. And loud. And my South Africa accent goes up about 100 notches so that I sound like I got off the plane from Johannesburg yesterday afternoon. The worst part is that I didn’t have to act – just be myself. It turns out that I am not very good at being myself on demand.
Eating vegetables
I have become a bit obsessed with my child eating vegetables. It is ridiculous how excited I get when I see green food on the end of his fork.
The push to get proper nutrients into him is becoming increasingly difficult as he grows older and finds great delight in orange chips that turn your tongue blue (turns out that they also turn everything that they come into contact with blue). And maybe just as bad – you can now get your vitamins in chewing gum form. Yes, in a bid to show me how much emphasis he puts on a balanced healthy diet he came home with vitamin infused chewing gum. Really? What ever happened to fruit and vegetables?
The Vegetable Song (tweet @totallyeustus) from Si Bennett on Vimeo.
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OMM: I've made a few comments on Mia's fighting with strangers post because i think it highlights a Zeitgeist in my life. Every where i turn at the moment i am getting unsolicited advice or comments, it's beginning to make me blisteringly angry. Last nigh around ten i was walking home from the train station i am normally mindful of who is walking around next to me as a safety thing i crossed the road and jumped (in heels) over some tree branches up the nature strip only to hear a voice behind me say "it's ok you didn't look awkward" i looked to see a man in his forties unkempt and carrying shopping grinning at me. I told him i wasn't concerned about it and walked off. I practically ran all the way home and stooped on the corner of the street, while as a pedestrian i have right of way i have gotten to a point where i just wait until it's clear because you never know if someone will decide you don't have right of way and either run you down or abuse you. The same man came from behind and told me off for waiting for traffic as did one of the cars i let go. This morning on my way home from the city i got abused and tooted because i stopped at the curbed to take my keys out of my bag before proceeding across the street distracted. Earlier today i was trying to take my bike to be repaired after the painter for the apartment block tried to smash my lock off and bent the chan guard ( he was told to clear out a property because my bike was locked up OUTSIDE but vaguely adjacent he decided to try to take it) while trying to change trains i couldn't get on any where as no one would move out of the doors t o allow me on. So i decide to wait for the next where i was set upon my and elderly man in a fluro vest telling me i am supposed to get on the last carriage (which i would have but the train was bout to leave and i couldn't make it to the end of the train in time). I asked him politely to leave me alone i didn't no need to be lectured to i had done nothing wrong and was politely waiting for the next train he then screamed "I was just trying to to help you woman!!!!!" i said "why because i am a woman and tooo stupid to know any better??" He replied " you could have been from out of town and i was trying to be helpful" i asked me to leave me alone and he continued to shout about how ungrateful i was. CHEESE AND RICE!!!! PEOPLE!!! . I know most of you would think i am being unreasonable but since when is wanting to be left in peace a crime since when is your desire to tell people how to live more important than their own choices???
I remember reading once that the definition of a democracy was that your right to swing you fists about ends where my nose begins.........sage advice now i just have to make a t-shirt that says it!.
Other than that i handed in my first assignment for my Dip Ed and realised that i am desperately and stupidly in love with some one *sigh*
Okay I am struggling ! :( I am 23 and have had depression/anxiety issues since 11 or 12 years old.
Was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a couple of years ago but not sure if its accurate or not.
Everyday i am either in depths of depressive despair or experiencing high levels of anxiety/panic
It seems impossible that I will get better and I feel stuck, overwhelmed and terrified
Sometimes my mind feels so unstable and overwhelming, with strong feelings of despair, suicidal thoughts or panic
It is SO scary because it feels as if i cannot rely on or trust my mind and I worry what will happen in the future
I have strong fears about the future and how will I possibly cope? Especially with things like my parents or sister dying and getting older and dying myself.
I have been to so many psychiatrists, psychologists etc and feel as if I am worse than ever!
Has anyone experienced anything similar and could give me some advice/hope?
What is pressing at the moment as I need to move out of my grandmother's where I am staying and I am TERRIFIED about living alone or with strangers as I don't feel strong/stable enough..but there doesn't seem to be any other options :S
wish I had the right words to offer you comfort.
take care and keep sharing with us if it helps :)