Famous actress wears tight shoes. Ridiculous, 19-paragraph 'news' story follows.

#FreeNinasToes.

We’ve got some troubling news. A woman wore a pair of shoes that made her toes squish and it totally ruined her day, if not her life.

Thank god the Daily Mail was on hand to report on this important story because otherwise we might never have known that actress Nina Dobrev, 26, wore a pair of shoes, and that sometimes, she didn’t smile.

The Mail speculates that it was a pair of dastardly shoes that made Dobrev so “glum” as she mingled with other fancy people at a party in St Tropez.

The silver Stuart Weiztmann stiletto sandals in question actually made Dobrev “grimace”, that is, if to grimace means to not smile ecstatically at all times.

We’ll give the Mail the floor, because they set the scene so evocatively that we just don’t want to paraphrase.

The classically beautiful actress, 26, wowed in a crisp white figure-hugging dress with a shimmering metallic trim for the evening.

The full-length sleeveless dress clung neatly to her petite hourglass curves, her waistline accentuated with the thick silver band working its way down her chest and across her torso.

The clingy design of the v-neck garment, and the split down the side of the full skirt, meant her feet would occasionally poke out as she walked.

It was these occasional glimpses of Dobrev’s feet that tipped off the Mail that she was suffering unimaginable pain and hardship.

Also her mouth, which sometimes failed to curve into a smile and her eyes, which were silently pleading for someone, anyone, to help her.

She was attending a gala held by Leonardo DiCaprio, who, despite his work for environmental and humanitarian organisations, seems to have completely missed the human rights violation happening under his very nose.

We reached out to Nina Dobrev’s toes for comment, but were issued with a tart “No comment”.

Please join us in demanding better for our classically beautiful actresses. #FreeNinasToes.