From 3 days to 19 months: 14 women on the first time they went out after having a baby.

Rebel Wilson was on the receiving end of some online shaming for going to a party when her new baby Royce was just a few weeks old. 

For some new parents, the idea of going out alone after having a baby is an important part of staying emotionally well and mentally healthy, but for others, leaving their new baby is the last thing they want to do. 

It might also not be possible for solo parents, anyone without support close by, or for financial and health reasons. 

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We asked our Mamamia community about when they first spent some time away from their baby, what they did, and how it made them feel. 

While their opinions may differ, it comes down to the individual parent to make a decision that is right for them and their family. This is what 14 of them had to say.

1. 'From three months old.'

"With my first baby, I started going out again when she was three months old. We were in lockdown here in Melbourne but I could have a sitter for two hours. I would get my one hour of exercise and then go to the supermarket for another hour! 

"When we came out of lockdown (I think at four months) I started going out with friends at least one night a week and I have ever since. It was important to me to have a break. But the judgment I received from my mothers' group was shocking. Comments included: 'I couldn't leave my baby with their father or a babysitter', 'Wow, you're brave. Do you miss her?', 'I would feel so guilty and I'm surprised you don't feel guilty'. I think what made it even more surprising is these comments came from four out of six of the other mums and the comments continued beyond our children turning 12 months. None of them went out at all until maybe 18 months. I tried not to judge them for the opposite reason - how could they NOT go out and continue having a social life - but it was isolating in my mothers' group. I'm thankful to this day for my non-mum friends whom I can have dinner with and not talk about kids!" - Anon.*

2. 'Nineteen months.'

"The first night I had away from my daughter was going to hospital to have my second daughter. I wish I’d prioritised going out alone a few times just my husband and I first." - Sarah-Jane.

3. 'Nine weeks old.'

"I went away for the weekend when my first baby was nine weeks old. Admittedly, I booked it before she was born, not knowing that the first 40 days should really be a time of healing and rest. She was formula fed so feeding wasn't an issue, but I missed her!

"With my second baby, I went out for the night when he was about 14 weeks old. I was breastfeeding, so I had to pump. But it was nice to have a little night away, an uninterrupted meal, and feel semi-human for a night." - Elise.

4. 'Eleven days postpartum.'

"My fiancé and I went to see Em Rusciano when I was 11 days postpartum (I think). Mum had bought us the tickets months before and told us we were going unless I was in labour. She watched our daughter who took a tiny bit of expressed milk (bottle refusing exclusively breastfed baby) and my boobs were glad to see her when we got home.

"After that, it wasn’t for quite a while that we went out again, partly due to COVID hitting when she was eight months old." - Hanna.

5. 'Two weeks postpartum.'

"We went out about two weeks post baby just to the movies, and my son had cuddles and slept at his Aunty's house. I went out seven weeks post baby - my mum took me out to see Michael Buble in concert and bub and dad stayed home! We regularly went out, and still do now my son is three. It is so important for us to prioritise time as a couple together." - Michelle.

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6. 'After two months.'

"I have no idea when we went out alone without our baby. I don't think within the first two months? Maybe more? I was panic-stricken leaving her!" - Dani.

7. 'Almost one year.'

"After the first started daycare, I took a day off and we went to a day spa near Sydney. She was almost a year old. I haven’t really had a chance since, especially since number two is hating daycare so far." - Ana. 

8. 'Two weeks old.'

"My baby girl was two weeks when I left her with her dad and I went out by myself to wander around Westfield with a coffee. Aimlessly wandering with a warm drink was bliss!" - Allegra.

9. 'Four months old.'

"I went to my partner's work party when my son was four months old. One of his colleagues was trying to educate me on 'pumping and dumping' and told me I was doing it wrong. He got quite the education from me that night." - Beth. 

10. 'Three weeks old.'

"On week three, we had a dinner date while my mother-in-law stayed with the sleeping kids." - Kate.

11. 'Three days old.'

"I think my daughter was three days old. I left her with her dad and I went for coffee with my mum, and my partner left her with me when she was two days old to go to the shops. She was about two months old when me and my partner went out for a meal alone and left her with my mum. Now two and a half years later, we regularly leave her with her aunty and uncle about once a month and go on date nights and days out. 

"We are very lucky to have family close by that we trust and who loves our daughter and cares for her so well. Not everyone has that luxury though. I don't think any judgement should come into it and if there is, it is likely from an envious place unfortunately." - Ali.

12. 'Maybe a year.'

"I honestly wouldn’t remember. But it would have been months each time. Maybe even a year with my third. It’s so hard logistically to organise and expensive so it was definitely not top of my priorities either way."- Perri.

13. 'Seven months old.'

'When my twins were seven months old, I said I was doing 'a day back at work' and took myself to the spa for the day!" - Carly.

14. 'One month old.'

"I left my twins with my husband at four weeks (they were premmies so had been in hospital for eight weeks prior to this) and went out for dinner with the girls! It was so great for his confidence and great for me to be able to maintain connection with my friends, especially after the chaos of NICU life." - Lauren.

When did you go out for the first time without your baby? How did it make you feel? Tell us in the comments below. 

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Getty.

*While this person is known to Mamamia, they have chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.