I will never watch The Perfect Date again. Ever.
Considering I’ve seen Netflix’s first wildly successful high school romantic comedy To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before SIX TIMES, a number only set to rise, the fact I’ll never press play on the streaming service’s latest movie says everything you need to know about it.
The Perfect Date has all the makings for a very watchable teen rom-com. Starring Noah Centineo, the American actor who quickly captured the hearts of girls and grown women as Peter Kavinsky in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, I and many others had the Australian premiere date of Friday April 12 penciled in our calendars since the trailer first dropped months ago.
But I ended up bitterly disappointed and I’ll tell you why.
You can watch the trailer for The Perfect Date below. Post continues after video.
The premise is simple… but not in an artistic way. Centineo plays Brooks Rattigan, a “poor” high school student who dreams of changing the world like his idols Steve Jobs and Michael Jordan.
The only thing Brooks cares about is going to the American Ivy League college Yale. And sports cars. And dating the hottest girl in school. And money. In the words of one of his love interests, he’s an “oblivious, self-absorbed pr*ck”.
Right off the bat, you kind of hate Brooks. Like, really despise him, because he reminds you of that d*ckhead in high school who thought he’d be on the Forbes rich list one day.
But because you love Noah Centineo/Peter Kavinsky so much, you’ll decide to give Brooks a chance.
After agreeing to chaperone his high school bully’s cousin Celia, played by Laura Marano, to her formal for a cash payment and the chance to drive the bully’s sports car (whhhhhaaaaaaaaat?!), Brooks comes up with an idea for a way to make enough money to pay for Yale.
An app called The Stand In, a non-sexual escort service which allows women to request a customised perfect date. For a small fee. From personality and style to whether or not he’s a good listener, Brooks can become whatever women want him to be.
But while playing his many roles - all of which require him to lie and manipulate - Brooks realises he has no idea who he really is or what he wants, which sets up the teenage existential crisis the film is about at its core.
In short, The Perfect Date is 60 per cent fine, 25 per cent really terrible and 15 per cent funny.
It's fine because the movie gives the viewer everything they need from a romantic comedy: A highly attractive male lead positioned as the underdog, an unattainable love interest, and a quirky friend who everyone knows is the one the main character should and will end up with.
The Perfect Date also gives us the many eyebrows of Noah Centineo. The thinking eyebrows, when he can't quite understand what's going on or why he's offended someone. The brooding eyebrows, used to show the females he's a deep thinker. And the listening eyebrows that let a woman know he's interested and engaged with whatever she's saying.
The movie is light and fluffy and comfortingly predictable. But it's no To All The Boys I've Loved Before, mostly because the narrative of a teenage guy realising he's a bit of a douche and trying to redeem himself comes across less endearing and more arrogant.
Where Noah Centineo's breakout Netflix rom-com was sweet and made you nostalgic for all of those teenage feelings, The Perfect Date was flat and annoying.
So focused on achieving his own goals, Brooks is a really sh*tty friend to the few genuine friends he does have, a terrible son to his father, and many of the things that come out of his mouth make you want to give him a swift kick in the gonads.
I'm not mad I spent two hours of my Saturday night watching The Perfect Date, but out of respect for my internet boyfriend, I won't be watching it again.
Long live Peter Kavinsky. I will not hold The Perfect Date against you.
(If you really want to), you can watch The Perfect Date on Netflix now.
Have you watched The Perfect Date on Netflix yet? What did you think?