My son has said mean things to me before. Children, not knowing any better, often blurt out observations without considering how it will make another person feel.
I remember a young cousin asking me if I had chicken pox during my teen-acne years.
My daughter told my husband his tummy was too big when he was blocking the doorway she was trying to get through.
Then there was this morning when I was racing around getting my three children ready for school and my son Philip, 12 said, “Mum, you look fat from behind”. He said it in a tone-of-voice not dissimilar to when he says, “Hey Mum, we’re out of chicken soup,” so I didn’t immediately take offence.
However in that split second before I responded to his comment I became aware that what I was about to say would be a teaching moment for him, for his little brother Giovanni, 8 sitting nearby and for my daughter Caterina, 6 who was watching it all unfold.
I didn’t want to defend myself because I didn’t want to teach them that there was anything wrong with being fat. I didn’t want to be anti-health and I didn’t want to dismiss it because if he said it to someone else they might really take offence.
Here’s what I said and keep in mind I only had a split second to decide how to respond.
“Ouch, Philip, was ‘fat’ the right word to use?”
“Well, you look bigger from behind,” he said.
“Yep, that’s better and yes I do. Did you remember to pack your homework book?”
That was how I chose to handle it. I made sure not to even look at my butt until they had been safely delivered to school. I am trying to raise them all with healthy body image and hopefully delay any angst they feel over how they look, although I know that’s inevitable.
I do confess to taking a long, hard look at myself in the mirror when I got home. I couldn’t help myself. The pants I am wearing are not flattering but I couldn’t find my other ones despite frantically searching through my entire wardrobe very early that morning, before the kids were even up. So I’m wearing the ones that make my butt look big.
Top Comments
Just channel your inner Sir Mix-A-Lot and start singing "I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can'd deny" and chuck in a bum-dance along with your karaoke. Threats to demonstrate your singing and dancing routine when their friends come over usually keeps them from verbalising their observations.
Seriously, though, why do we infantilise kids of Philip's age with words like 'only 12', 'pre-teen' and 'child'. The kid is 12, most likely in high school and only four short years from getting a learner's permit, being able to have sex legally, etc. He's hardly a child. If the he doesn't know what's right from wrong, what is hurtful and what is appropriate to say already, then he never will.
I agree with the comment below regarding make-up at the bus stop. Does the kid never see his mother natural. That is just sad. Why do so many equate presentable with a full face of make-up and perfectly coiffed hair. Hell, if it was my son I'd tell him.......nevermind, he knows better than to comment on anyone's appearance, well out loud anyway.
That's so good that you didn't let it bother you. I'm so over stressing about my appearance. Especially weight. I don't do it anymore. It's a waste of time and energy.