'I thought my lover would leave his partner for me. Then I saw what he saved me in his phone as.'

Falling deep in love with Dan* was a revelation. I had always believed that love was supposed to be transformative, the kind that sweeps you off your feet and leaves you breathless. 

Dan was that and more. Never had I been touched the way he did, every caress sending shivers down my spine. His words were like honey, sweet and soothing, addressing me in ways that made my heart flutter and mind tick. 

Our communication was deep and personal, almost telepathic, as if we were two halves of the same soul. The chemistry between us was out of this world. I had longed for this kind of connection and refused to settle until I found it. And in Dan, I believed I had found my great love.

For eight years, I woke up to his 'good morning' messages. Every single day, without fail, he reminded me of how special I was to him. Dan made me feel alive, like I was the centre of his universe. 

When he had to move to another state for work, my feelings didn't dampen. But to my deep disappointment, he started to back off.

As time went on, life took us in different directions. I found myself moving toward another man, while Dan gravitated toward another woman, things between us ending quite naturally.

But our daily contact never ceased and even though I'd technically moved on, I still had very strong feelings for him. I secretly hoped one day he would come back to me. 

A year passed, and then one day, Dan appeared at my work. It was a rough time in my relationship, and seeing him felt like a lifeline. The chemistry between us exploded like fireworks, as if no time had passed since we last saw each other.

From that point on, we continued to see each other on his fortnightly visits. Initially, I couldn't bring myself to cheat, holding on to the remnants of my moral compass. But eventually, I did. 

It happened on my birthday. My partner hadn't made any effort to make me feel special, but as always Dan did.

After we reconnected physically, Dan told me he wanted to be with me forever. Still, he made no moves to end his current relationship, I just hoped he would every day. 

Our affair continued for years, filled with secret dates, early morning walks, day trips, lunches, simplicity of watching TV and countless passionate moments. We lived in our bubble of love and desire. When not physically together, we were always in touch, planning our next rendez-vous.

Watch: MM Confessions: The weirdest gift I've gotten from a lover. Post continues after video.

But reality has a way of crashing down. 

Dan finally moved to the same state as me - but he brought his partner with him.

Seeing him with her hurt me deeply. He called her "queen," a title I had secretly hoped would be mine, and even was from time to time. He saved my number in his phone as "Eric," a name that stung every time I thought about it. He told me he wanted to grow old with me, yet he remained with her. 

Once, he came to an important doctor's appointment with me, and referred to me as his 'wife'. But it was an empty title. 

He used our special words with her, words that were meant to be ours alone. She flaunted those words on social media, a public display of a private betrayal. She caught our messages, and he lied about their nature, compounding my pain.

Ultimately, I couldn't do it anymore. Waiting for someone to have the guts to leave is isolating and lonely. For nearly a decade, I waited. Important years of my life slipped away, years I can never get back. Because of my choice, I won't have children. I'm now 42, and I've messed up my own life because I chose to believe he would leave. I believed in a life with him. I believed in love but I was just 'Eric'.

Now, I'm no one to him. He's still living his happily ever after, unaffected and without consequences or detriment to his life. My advice is simple: if they don't leave immediately, you have to. This relationship hasn't killed me, but it has killed my life. I will never forgive him for that.

In the end, being nothing more than a fictional name in his phone caused me pain and loneliness. I sacrificed so much for a love that was ultimately unattainable. Don't make the same mistake. Love yourself enough to walk away before you become invisible, before your life slips through your fingers.

I learned that true love doesn't demand secrecy or sacrifice. It doesn't leave you feeling isolated and lonely. True love should lift you up, make you feel seen and cherished. Don't settle for anything less. Don't be Eric. 

Feature Image: Getty.

*names have been changed.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.