A letter to all the "cool" mums. Why can't my kid play with yours?

I know you don’t understand how much being unpopular hurts. So let me explain…

Dear Popular Mums,

I know your actions are probably not deliberate.

I know there is no malice intended, instead you just glide through your life never giving issues like this a second thought.

But sometimes your actions hurt others. Even when you don’t mean to. I know you probably don’t even realise. But when it hurts my child I want you to know about it.

You are a popular Mum. Just like those popular kids at high school, people flock towards you, they want to be around you. You seem to know all the other popular Mums and together your circle of cool-Mums never give the rest of us a second glance.

I’m ok with this. I don’t need your gaze.

What I want you to know is that your children do this too. And my son is not okay with it.

My little boy is only young. He is still learning how to open his pre-school lunch box, he believes the tooth fairy flew in to his big brother's room and delivered a gold coin last week. He still skips numbers 16 and 17 when he counts to 20.

And he is starting to believe that no one wants to be his friend.

He is too little to know the harsh realities of cliques and being a part of the popular crowd. He doesn’t need to know the feeling of being left out, of being excluded. There’s a lifetime ahead of him for those kinds of lessons.

It breaks my heart when he quietly murmers, “Mama why can’t I go to his house too?”

You’ve never felt it so I can’t blame you, that twisted, shallow, empty feeling when your child shrugs once again at the question “who did you play with today?” You want to wrap them up, engulf them.

But you don’t know this fierce primeval emotion do you? You’ve never had to worry.

Maybe it is just that you are busy, maybe you already have all the friends that you need, but when your Mum-crowd hangs out together with your children do you ever spare a thought for those kids who aren’t there.

Kids notice.

Kids wonder why all the other children leave together after school. They see them together in the park laughing and playing. They walk past them in their gardens playing together. And my son, alone, watches with his big brown eyes, questioning whether the kids will ask him to play too. But they don’t. They never have.

Your children learn from you, popular-Mum. If you don’t include, then neither will they.

The left-out kids see those glossy envelopes handed out at birthday time. They know that their chubby little fist is missing something, but they are so used to the exclusion they don’t even speak up any more.

Your children are popular and gregarious and friendly. They flourish as the constant centre of attention and they never cast a glance at those on the outskirts.

Do you notice? Do you wonder why? Or are you so enchanted with your own children you never stop to look around and see the others casting envious glances their way.

My son wants to have friends. He wants to be a part of the crowd. He wants to be invited. He wants to feel that glow of laughter with a group. He wants to be invited for playdates and requested for teams. He wants to go to the park too.

My son might act the clown, he might hide behind his shyness, he might look different from yours, he might have once thrown sand, or lashed out to get attention.

But he is a child. And children deserve chances.

So now, popular-Mum will you give him a chance?

You never know, you and your child might just make an unexpected friend.

CLICK THROUGH this gallery of cool celeb mums:

What do you think? Are there cliques in your school or preschool that affect your children?

Want more? Try:

My son has no friends at school

The six school mums you do NOT want to be friends with