By MAMAMIA TEAM
Forget what they say about ‘the best years’ of your life, being a teenager is pretty much the worst. The WORST.
Periods, sloppy first kisses, complicated social politics – there is a veritable minefield of awkwardness to navigate. It’s a wonder anybody makes it through.
Here’e a rundown of some of the worst moments of a female’s teen years.
1. Periods:
Not only have you accepted the sad fact that you’re only at the beginning of about 40 straight years of monthly… cramping (although let’s just be honest and call it blood on your knickers), you’re also only just learning how to deal with the whole mess. It can creep up on you when you’re young and take you by complete surprise.
Nothing can describe that feeling of utter horror when you’re sitting in class and all of a sudden you feel… Well, you know the feeling. Allow Bert to demonstrate:
What do you do ? What’s your next move? You have to get to the bathroom but what if it’s on your skirt? And what if you don’t have any tampons? Will a bunch of toilet paper last until you get home? THE HORROR.
2. The first time you realised you needed a bra:
You make this realisation as a direct result of two reasons:
a) a support issue (ie the bouncing gets too much)
and/or
b) an aesthetic isue (ie nothing fits right anymore and boys keep yelling out ‘NIPPLES’ or ‘BOOBS’ or ‘HEADLIGHTS’ every time you walk past.
Of course both these reasons will make themselves apparent during a P.E. class full of your peers.
3. The first time you make out/kiss is disgusting and traumatic:
Your tongue will be connecting with another person’s tongue. Neither of you understand how to connect tongues. There is no way it can end well. Kissing takes practice – which you will have plenty of – but that first time… Well, you’re going to end up with something like this:
4. Being shit at breaking up with people.
Yeah, no matter what way you swing it, asking your best friend to write a note for you that she then passes to his best friend who then reads it and passes it around before passing it to him is not the most sensitive way of ending things.
5. Not getting asked to the formal:
6. The tiniest things being the worst because EMOTIONS:
Got something stuck in your teeth? Mum bought you the Kmart version of that backpack? Skirt stuck in the back of your tights and you didn’t realise? YOUR LIFE IS OVER! BECAUSE EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND NOBODY ELSE UNDERSTANDS YOU AND YOU DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN!
7. ALL the sex stuff:
Wanting it. Not wanting it. Contraception and where/how to get it. Condoms. Being naked in front of someone. Not knowing what ‘blow job’ means (and a whole list of other bizarre-sounding activities). Freaking out that you’re pregnant every time you’re slightly bloated. We could keep going but you get the idea.
Are you sure it’s not a food baby?
Got any mortifying moments to add?
Top Comments
The comment monster ate my comment - lets see if I can remember it....
Surprisingly - even with having Aspergers, all my super embarrassing moments happened either before I turned 13 or after I turned 18. One that I remember was running up to a boy I liked, going to hug him and having him shove me onto the ground in surprise/horror. Then 6 months later, I finally got up the nerve to ask him for a hug and he stood there staring at me for 3 minutes before walking away and saying "What were you waiting for? permission?" Uh yeah actually. Truth be told - the guy wasn't that attractive anyway lol!
My second most embarrassing moment was at 16 staying over at a friend's house and seeing that she lived in a absolute pigsty. I literally wanted my mother to take me home as soon as I arrived -but had no words to say so - so I spent the night and proceeded to puke the whole next day because the woman refused to feed us breakfast before taking us to the school for a big excursion.
Last one happened about 5 weeks ago (at 21) I was in a library when a guy proceeded to start checking out the cover of one of my favorite artists, He looked about 19, I turned and said to him, "You should listen to that - he's really amazing and if you like him you'll like (insert whatever artist I was comparing the original one to)" He smiles awkwardly, turns away, goes up to his friend and with some urgancy he goes "Dude! dude!" the so called "dude" looks up "How old do I look?" he asks whisper shouting, I think 'oh shite.' the "dude" goes "I dunno - 18/19 why?" and the first guy proceeds to say to the "dude" "Because I'm wondering how f*****g young I look to have a 14yo hit on me"....I was shattered. Absolutely shattered. I can't figure out whether it's the fact that my standard hairstyle is a ponytail - the fact that I refuse to wear short dresses or revealing clothes or whether I prefer to read or listen to music rather than get completely smashed off my face but I constantly have high school boys hitting on me (and I find that "wrong" in general - let alone freaking out because I work with kids and 'oh how awkward would this be if a colleague or parent was witness to this awkwardness') OR men old enough to be my father hitting on me. I can't win at all I'm afraid..And I am aware that in 10years time I will be happy to look so young - but please - until then at least give me a neon sign saying "Yes I'm a legal adult, No I'm not in high school"? or something equally as blunt/simple?
My period stained undies somehow escaped my bag during a school camp and turned up slap bang in the middle of the room I was sharing with 5 other girls. I didn't fess up that they were mine but oh geez the minute they were spotted lying on the carpet and someone screamed 'errr yuk' was one of the most blood draining from the face moments of my life.