Modern Etiquette: The 21 group chat rules you’re definitely breaking.

It's 2024 which means it's about time we all figured out how to behave. Don't worry, we're right there with you.

So, in a bid to remind us all how to be decent human beings, Mamamia's Modern Australian Etiquette Guide is here to be your guiding light in a world full of blatant disregard for social rules. I guess we can't blame anyone, it's not like these rules were written out or anything… until now.

We first had weddings which was, let's be honest, a chaotic time. But hey, we've gotta learn these things.

Now, it's time to talk about the do's and don'ts of group chats.

Watch: Is it ever okay to regift stuff you got for free? Post continues below. 

Strap in, we didn't hold back for this one.

Always "like" the last message.

No one wants to be the person who accidentally ends the chat. When you're the last person to message the chat, it feels like you're ending the fun and that your contribution isn't worthy of a reply.

It takes less than two seconds to double-tap that last message to acknowledge that your friend.

Don't open a message if you're not ready to respond.

What to hear a horror story in one sentence? You message the group chat asking if anyone is free for dinner only to get a "seen by everyone" notification and no response.

Most group chat platforms have no chill and want to see people fight each other which is exactly why they show you who's read your message. If you're a reader… stop it.

Only open a message if you're willing to respond so your friend isn't under constant stress wondering if you hate them.

If the chat is active, read the previous messages before you change the topic.

One time my girls' group chat was blowing up because one friend's grandparent had just passed away. She was upset and we were sending her messages of condolences and support.

Suddenly, a friend — who hadn't realised we were in the middle of a very serious group discussion —sent a message that said, "Do you guys think I should wear the pink or red skirt for my dinner tonight?"

Learn from her mistake and read the chat before you send a message.

Never request a recap.

There's nothing worse than having some great back-and-forth top-tier banter in the group chat only for one person who's been MIA to suddenly message "Can someone explain what's going on?"

No… read the chat. There are literal receipts.

Always ask before adding a new person.

The group chat is a sacred place. You can't just be adding your "super cool" older cousin who I've met once, especially after I've talked about that weird period I just had in full graphic detail.

Don't create side-chats.

It's rude. If you're having issues with one friend in the chat, have an in-person conversation with the others about it. Side-chats make the problem much worse and breed b*tchiness.

Know when to DM.

Are you and one person having a conversation in the group chat that only the two of you understand? Here's a thought— text them directly.

Be transparent with plans that don't include people in the chat.

Group chats consist of friendships of multiple levels. That's fine. When you become an adult you know that not all friendships are the same and you become content with that.

However, if you and a few other friends have made plans and someone in the chat asks if anyone is free on the night you have plans, just tell them.

It's so much better than finding out through your Instagram stories.

Don't forget about the 'long distance' friend.

Of course, you don't have to have a group chat with your long-distance mate when you're making plans to meet up, but when you're messaging a funny thought or a meme— include them. Moving away is hard, being left out of the group chat is harder.

No screenshots.

Never, ever, ever, show the group chat to people who aren't in the group chat.

The reason why you don't show the chat to anyone else is because your girl would probably be deeply embarrassed by whatever she shared in what she thought was a safe space.

And we all know you're only one click away from accidentally sending it BACK to the person it involves by mistake, rather than to your partner so you can spill the tea, so beware.

The first rule of group chat is we don't talk about group chat.

Similar to what was mentioned above, whatever happens in the chat, stays in the chat.

If you're not going to respond — leave.

No one likes a lurker and your friends are too kind to remove you. Just leave and sit with your actions. You'll also have to explain to everyone why you left, but we all know why.

Don't leave 'em hanging.

There's nothing worse than getting a message in the group that says something along the lines of "OMG GUYS I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING," or my favourite "You wouldn't believe who just broke up!!!!"

Only for said friend to get distracted on their commute home, making dinner, or at work LEAVING THE ENTIRE GROUP WAITING FOR THE GOSS. If my heartbeat could be measured during those precious minutes (at times HOURS) I swear I could beat Usain Bolt in a race.

If you have huge news to share the rules are, you have to smash it out in one message.

Never remove people.

Okay I know I said don't create side chats but there is an exception. Sometimes, things don't work out and there's one person in the group chat who isn't in the group anymore. It might be your friend's newly ex-boyfriend, it might be someone's weird cousin, it might be an instigator of drama and you have all told them that you don't want to be friends with them anymore.

The point is, removing someone from the group feels so anne-berlin-off-with-her-head. It fuels contention. Instead, create another group with the people you want in it and move on. It's that easy.

Don't be that guy.

You know the one. The person who feels like that they're "in charge" of the chat. They're the person who has to choose the group name, the group emoji and the group background. If someone even dares to change it, this person comes swooping in to make sure that everything is set to exactly the way they want it. They're the most annoying person in the chat and whenever they set their agenda you can practically hear everyone else in the group chat roll their eyes behind their screens.

If you miss an important message — apologise.

Yes, some things are best said in person but in today's world, that just doesn't happen anymore. Group chats are a great place to stay in touch with friends through lighthearted banter and avoiding bursts of FOMO but it's also convenient to hear the hard stuff as well. A friend's health struggles, the death of a parent and a moving overseas announcement are all messages I've received in a group chat.

Yes, messages can be overwhelming but if you miss an important life update from a friend, don't bother with the excuses just message them privately. Also if you're in a group chat and you have a friend who's MIA after receiving an important message, get in contact with them and tell them to check the chat.

If you're nervous that no one will reply to your message, they're not your real friends.

I feel most for 19-year-old me here. I was in a group chat with people who I thought were my friends. Spoiler: They weren't. You can tell if they're really your friends via how you feel when you're about to message the chat. Do you feel nervous or embarrassed when you're about to ask if anyone is free to catch up? Is it because you're scared that everyone will ignore you or talk about you behind your back? Well, I have good and bad news. The bad news is that if you're worried your friends won't respond, they're probably not your real friends. The good news is that you can now tap out and make some genuine relationships.

This also brings me back to rule one which is to always "like" the last message so no one ever feels that way.

Wait at least a month before leaving a non-active chat.

Similar to friendships, not all group chats are forever chats. Sometimes you're in a chat with people you don't know because they're trying to organise a mutual friend's hens or surprise birthday or a recent trend I've been seeing is being added to a group chat to send out an invite to an event. All great strategies to send out mass messages but you definitely don't need them crowding your message bank.

Don't leave straight away, it looks like you hate everything about it (even if you do). I would give it a whole month after the last message was sent. All the thank yous have been done, all the photos have been distributed, and everyone's forgotten.

Learn to read the room (friends group chat vs organising a bridal shower group chat)

No two group chats are the same. You probably thrive in your girls' chat but some things are just meant for the girls chat. When Cindy is trying to organise a night away, don't interrupt the chat with your (obviously hilarious) bants, it can be annoying and unhelpful. Know which chats require what parts of your personality.

No exclusionary topics.

Are you in a group chat of five people where only two of you share a really niche interest or hobby? I'm so happy for you. Keep it out of the group chat. THIS is where DMing is allowed and in fact, encouraged.

I don't want to hear about your fantasy football team or niche stand-up comedy vodcast, especially if you're only talking to one or two people in the chat exclusively and refuse to explain to the rest of us. It's rude, it's show-off-y and I won't kick you out but I will say something along the lines of "hey, love this for you but can you take this convo outside of the chat so the rest of our phones aren't constantly blowing up with conversations that we're not a part of."

This brings me to my next rule…

You're allowed to publicly call people out.

Do it. If someone is showcasing anti-group-like behaviour, call them out on it. If you think the issue is deeper, like they're upset over something, definitely DM or call them but if they're constantly ignoring the etiquette rules and guidelines you are well within your right to say "Hey buddy, maybe… not?"

You get the gist.

Or, you know, just passively aggressively send them this article. Solved!

Want more modern etiquette guides? Click below:

Modern Etiquette: The 38 things we all really need to stop doing at weddings.