MKR isn't about cooking. It's a metaphor for life.

The other night, as I was flicking through the channels, I came across a bizarre show where everyone was cooking in makeshift kitchens and yelling about lamb.

It would appear I had stumbled across My Kitchen Rules or ‘MKR‘ as the cool kids call it. Cooking shows are as foreign to me as “those bloody Kardashium women” are to my pop.

I do not have even the slightest interest in cooking. In fact, I don’t think I even care about food. Sure, I eat it from time to time, but I don’t care about it. I would prefer to spend 20 minutes trying to explain to pop who the Kardashian’s are (which is HELL) than prepare a home cooked meal.

So naturally, my instinct was to change the channel. These people seemed to care a lot about food. They were chopping various, er, food ingredients very quickly. They were pouring concoctions into pots. They were slapping around dough and doing something with quinoa. But suddenly, I was hooked.

To be clear, I still didn’t care about the cooking thing they all seemed so keen on. I couldn’t tell you the name of one meal that was created (maybe there was a curry in there?). But I couldn’t look away because I had had a life-changing epiphany;

People don’t watch cooking shows for the cooking. They watch them because of what they tell us about life. 

Call me Aristotle. Plato even. The Greeks had their myths to teach life lessons, and we, in 2016, have MKR. As I sat there mouth agape, I noted all the wonderful things I was learning from the show, complete with appropriate kitchen puns.

 Never throw in the (tea) towel. Staying level-headed is everything. 

I have a tendency to panic. I’m a perfectionist, and when I feel like things are not going quite how I planned, something inside my head whispers “throw in the towel”. From experience, I can confidently attest that this is the WORST way to live your life – and nowhere is this better illustrated than in MKR.

They might have taken their time in the supermarket, and so they’re starting a few minutes behind everyone else. Their potato things are burnt. The pies aren’t ready. Whatever it is, the worst thing anyone can do is panic. As Sheryl Sandberg so eloquently puts it “done is better than perfect”.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Keep it simple. Make a plan about how to marinate those ribs and execute it well. Don’t try and make some really complicated dish in 15 minutes (or in my case, never try and make a complicated dish.)

Recognise your limitations and do your best in the time frame. They don’t have time to make a three course extravaganza, just like how I don’t have time to write a novel before 5pm. Don’t. Attempt. It.

Never use store bought lemon juice. 

So this metaphor is slightly strained. Basically what it means is don’t take shortcuts. You’ll end up regretting it. Think about your condiments. Always make sauce. This is an MKR joke that I’m not in the loop enough to quite understand, but let’s just go with ‘pay attention to detail’.

Bonus life tip: If you enter a cooking show, you should probably know how to use a barbecue. Post continues below. 

Stick to the recipe. 

Organisation is key. Give yourself deadlines for when you need to have the chicken ready, but also when you’re going to submit a report. If your job today is to do the washing, don’t paint the house. Don’t pat the dog for 3 and a half hours. That wasn’t the plan.

Don’t start a fire in the kitchen.

In other words, don’t lose your s**t at the people you work with because it will spoil the…soup? Be kind. Don’t be the villain. Share your fryer when you don’t need it anymore. Don’t blame the person next to you at work for breaking the Internet.

No matter how much pressure you’re under, always treat your partner, co-workers and even competitors with respect. Being overly critical and focussing too much on everyone else, will result in making mistakes. The judgemental ones always get their comeuppance, both inside and outside the kitchen.

No wonder MKR is killing it when it comes to ratings. They are really just disseminating life advice through pork burgers and ‘kofta’ (don’t know what that is).

I might not have any interest in food or cooking it, but philosophy during prime time? Hell yes.