When a regular customer at the cafe I worked at asked me the question, “How long until you’re finished?” I struggled with my response.
Did she mean how long until I’m finished with uni? How long until I finish my shift?
Things became clear when her friend interjected and announced that I was not pregnant. Yes – she had the nerve to ask me, a twenty-year-old girl, when I was due to give birth.
It took me a minute to comprehend the insult. I felt as if I’d been kicked in the stomach – particularly because I was two weeks into an 8-week challenge at my gym. Prior to this comment I was feeling the most motivated I had ever felt.
I replied with something like, “Oh I wish!” or “Wouldn’t that be lovely” just to diffuse the awkwardness. But on the inside, I was fighting back the waterworks.
My whole life I’ve always been very sure of myself, but my ego was completely shaken by this one remark. Sure, the customer was an old lady who didn’t have her glasses on, but that is no excuse.
The whole situation made me wonder what sort of person would assume such a thing, and have the courage to comment on it – especially pregnancy. In my opinion, it is no longer acceptable to comment on a woman’s body, particularly if it’s negative.
When I came back inside and told my co-workers what had happened, I was surprised at the number of people who had received similar remarks – or said it themselves.
“Some people are just ignorant and have no idea what might be going on," one of my co-workers said in an attempt to console me, but it gave me little comfort.
My manager, who had given birth a year ago, said she had been asked the question six times since giving birth – three of those times when she was at work.
She said, “Each time I was asked, I didn’t eat dinner that night and cried about it for weeks." This was all too familiar. I too have cried multiple times since.
The Mamamia Out Loud team sit down with writer and You Beauty podcast host, Amy Clark, to talk about body-shaming wrapped up in faux-concern. Post continues below.
It just shows how one insensitive comment can have a huge effect on someone’s wellbeing.
So, from now on, I have a request: stop commenting on women’s bodies, even if you think you’re just being friendly. It can have a profound effect on the minds of girls young and old.
It doesn’t matter whether the woman is, in fact, pregnant and literally giving birth in front of you, or she is a 20-year-old waitress wearing an oversized top. Let’s just stop assuming and start enabling better mental and physical health for women of all ages.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Top Comments
Just wanted to thank you for this article, I agree 100% with your thoughts and sentiments in regards to this rather sensitive issue. I have been asked quite a few times myself, and believe me, after putting on a jovial front and laughing it off, I've actually secretly shed tears and gone into a prolonged anxiety attack..
It just so happens that just before my period I bloat, is that a crime? To make matters worse, I am a fitness professional so women are very scrutinising about the way us instructors look..
but vanity aside, let's talk etiquette - i think it is an extremely personal question to ask somebody if you are not close friends.. it is akin to asking somebody about their finances or wage amount, or even sex life...unless you are in a close friendship, those type of questions are off limits, i think.. and a bit of consideration - what if the person asked was actually in a sad set of circumstances where she couldn't bear children but desperately wanted to? that question would hit home hard..
funnily enough, every time I've been asked that question it has been by older women..
thank you anyway, it is good to know that I haven't been alone in being asked this highly inappropriate question..
Hi I’ve done that one time and she answer was “when I’m I will tell you “. You very nice and don’t let anyone tell you differently! Duane