"You took the kids?" Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis just discovered their marriage is... over.

Sometimes when you’re a Hollywood celebrity, people who aren’t you or your partner decide your marriage is over. And they put it on the front page of a magazine.

Over and over again, for years.

They also decide you’re pregnant, with twins, multiple times.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, they know this tabloid touchstone too well.

The couple, who have been together since 2012 and married since 2015, this week discovered while sitting next to each other in the car that they’re getting a divorce.

Oh.

So who broke the news to them? A glossy mag with some goss, of course.

“Babe, what’s happening?” a concerned Kutcher, 41, asks Kunis, 35, in a video posted to his Instagram.

“It’s over between us,” his wife *confirms*.

“It’s over?” Kutcher asks, obviously sad. “Oh my God! What are we gonna do?”

“I felt suffocated,” Kunis divulges.

“You felt suffocated by me? I was so overbearing wasn’t I?”

“Also, I took the kids,” Kunis reveals of their two children, Wyatt Isabelle, four, and Dimitri, two.

“Oh, you took the kids? I don’t get the kids anymore?”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I guess it’s over @intouchweekly have fun selling magazines this week. Maybe next week my wife will be having twins. For the third time. But who’s counting.

A post shared by Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) on Jun 19, 2019 at 6:52pm PDT

“You had a very dark secret exposed,” Kunis explains to Kutcher.

“Oh my gosh. What was the dark secret?”

No one… knows.

“I guess it’s over @intouchweekly,” Kutcher said in the caption of the Instagram post. “Have fun selling magazines this week.”

“Maybe next week my wife will be having twins. For the third time. But who’s counting.”

The brilliant video has been viewed three million times since being uploaded on Thursday, and was of course met with some very concerned comments. 

“I knew it,” Modern Family‘s Sarah Hyland commented.

“It was the moustache for sure,” football pro J.J. Watt added.

Despite the humorous side of their video, Kunis has previously opened up about how tabloid stories can have a serious effect on her and her family.

"I don’t read anything about myself," Kunis told Cosmopolitan in July last year. "I genuinely don’t know what’s written about me… other than I know that I’m pregnant about once a year and my husband and I are getting a divorce once a year. I know this because I go down the grocery store aisle, and I see it on the cover of magazines and I’m like, Oh boy, OK!"

"The only thing that’s upsetting is my parents and my grandparents sometimes get confused," the actress continued.

"At one point when I was pregnant, [the tabloids] said that I had an emergency and was rushed to the hospital, and my face was on the cover. The amount of stress that caused my family, nobody will understand."

Watch the trailer for Mila Kunis' action comedy film The Spy Who Dumped Me below.