They were the only couple to split, but Michelle and Jason were Seven Year Switch's success story.

Thanks Michelle ... and thank you Michelle and Jason. I'm just going through a separation myself and both my ex and I are doing everything we can to recognise that, at this point, it's all about keeping it as calm and loving as possible for my kids. Like Michelle I will always love my ex as he is the father of my children and that makes him one amazing person to me. I can't though live with him anymore for a whole host of reasons. Thankfully we're both coming from the same space on this and have simply adopted an attitude that if we work half as hard on our separation as we did on our marriage then it will all work out just fine. Interestingly it is friends and well meaning family that have struggled to accept that approach more than anyone as they can't seem to understand why there isn't more anger. At the end of the day then personally I'm just so grateful for people like yourselves who are willing to share your stories as wouldn't it be amazing if we could redefine what a "normal" separation looks like. Move aside hate, anger and blame. In any situation what is done is done - the only thing you can control is how you move forward and putting your heart at the center of that decision for you kids is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.

Hi Michelle. I just wanted to personally say thank-you for such a nice article. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you have just written. It is a shame there was a heavy hand with the editing on this episode (I guess they do have time restrictions - plus bickering and conflict is just that little bit more entertaining for most :-)) because Shel and I spoke quite in depth about
the separation and the children.

One thing in particular that wasn't shown I would love to share here because it was a mistake I made, then learnt from, and wanted to share in case it is of help to others.

There has one been only 1 point since Shel and I separated where the conversation was less than amicable. It was during a conversation over the sharing agreement (bit of a yuk word but it will have to do - other choice is custody - grossss) for the children. See I'm not one of those 'once a fortnight will do' sort of a dad. I want to see my kids all the time. Like allllllll the time. So once we started discussing them I said I wanted 50/50. I was pretty firm on this and the conversation got a bit gross. My stubbornness was born from emotion obviously but fed by 'advice' from friends. The advice was always 'you need to grab for custody now because it's impossible to get more later –
fight this in court if you have to'. This was obviously a scary time for me and the thought of seeing my kids once a fortnight for the rest of my life was literally unbearable. Shel maintained that 50/50 care was not best for the kids and I disagreed. Shel also spoke strongly with emotion and the conversation was going no-where. The conversation soon cooled and we both agreed to do some research...

We separately spent hours and hours researching the psychological effects of a separation on children. There are lots of varying opinions of course, and conflicting studies all over the place but the overwhelming consensus is that 50/50 care, especially for children as young as our daughter (15 months) and to a lesser extent our son (4.5), is unquestionably damaging on their mental health. I won't get too into the science here but I really wanted to make a note of the fact that the outcome from Shel and I applying ourselves to some hard reading was one of the most positives things we will ever do for our children.

All conversations regarding the children since then have always been amicable. The fact that we agreed on the science and we had both applied ourselves for the sake of our kids left us feeling united and empowered. We now speak with a genuine consideration for what's best for the kids and with personal bias and self-gain left well and truly 'at the door,' the kids can look forward to a happy a healthy family life.

I summarise it like this... In my opinion, if you have children and are separating from your partner and your first port of call is a solicitor to discuss your 'rights' and fight for custody over your children, then you have failed your children. Your first port of call should be published material on child psychology in separation or even a child psychologist. You have zero rights and it's not about you - It's about your children!

Anyway I’m cramming all this into an overly long comment because I feel that it can help people who have been in our situation, are currently, or soon to be.

Thanks again for your honest and heartfelt words. It’s a far cry from most of the dribble that’s come of the show. At the end of the day a huge motivator for Shel and I to go on this program was the thought of helping others. You have helped us with our message so thank-you :-)