Are mothers really embarrassed about this?
In the past few months I joined a new club, an elite club of women.
But I’ve since discovered that a lot of these women like to keep it secret that they have VIP membership…are they ashamed? Am I ashamed? I know I felt less of a woman when I first discovered I’d be joining this club. It’s the “IVF baby club.”
I’ve been quite open about my battle with Endometriosis and my new journey to fall pregnant. For me it won’t happen naturally and IVF is my best option. When you are first told that news, you do feel like you’ve failed the process of being able to bring a child into the world naturally like a “normal” mother, but my thoughts soon shifted to “but I still have a chance to bring a child into this world and that’s amazing.”
We should NOT feel embarrassed to have IVF babies, or are we just keeping it private so people can stay out of our personal business? There are three main questions we are always asked as women 1. When are you getting engaged? 2. When are you getting married? 3. When are you having a baby?
Are we so sick of the prying that we want to keep everything to ourselves?
Read more: The IVF patient who is pregnant with the wrong embryos.
I understand why the majority of mothers want to keep quiet during the process of IVF because I have been told it is long, draining, intrusive, emotional time. Some parents also find it financially hard, all things which I’m about to experience as I get ready to do my first daily jab. But when you are through the battle and are holding your precious baby, you should be happy and proud.
Don’t feel embarrassed to say “they were born through IVF” you need to realise that science helped you with the end result but it was YOU who decided to bring that child into this world, it was YOU (and partner/donor) who provided the magical ingredients to make your baby, and it is YOU who is going to smother this child with unconditional love and support for the rest of their life and THAT is what truly makes you a “normal” mother.
Top Comments
When there was a choice between surrogacy and adoption I decided on the first one. You are completely sure that your baby will be healthy. And as I think it`s the main thing for future parents. Well, I hadn`t enough money for this service in Spain. That is why I decided to go to Ukraine. It is among the small number of countries where surrogacy is permitted. I was in biotexcom clinic in the capital. There they offered a rather nice packet for not big money. I should admit that their women are so beautiful. Clinic have found surrogate mom for me in week. She was 28, but she looked much younger. It was difficult to believe that she has two own children. What is pleasant, after the birth of child, surrogate mother has no rights on him. We sight a contract, in which all proper agreements were settled. Our daughter is 5 now and I really happy that I preferred to use surrogacy many years ago.
Hi Mel, I just wanted to ask how you're going with your IVF? I'm at the tail end of my third attempt at the moment. Fingers crossed, I'll be having my egg transfer tomorrow. I truly hope you get your BFP from your first IVF cycle, I feel like if you dont you may start to understand why most of us dont talk about it. It's not embarrassment, shame or anything like that. For me, it's the pressure of having all those expectant, well-meaning people asking such personal questions, and often it happens when I just don't feel like talking about it. I prefer to confide in very few, and with the others, just talk about all those other things in life to distract myself from this massive trial/crisis.
The other key factor is that IVF is one of the few medical conditions that is diagnosed and treated simultaneously. There is no diagnosis and treatment plan like with other conditions. It's trial and error and testing new ways to get the best for each individual. It's a process.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you're in a good place now.
I don't fully understand your comment, as IVF isn't a medical condition ..?
Thank you for your interest and for asking this question. You're right, the way I wrote it does indeed read as you've mentioned. What I meant was infertility is the medical condition (with sooooo many variations of the cause... Particularly when there are two bodies involved, not just one like other medical conditions).
Thanks again for your interest and for taking the time to ask.
Since my last post above, my third IVF cycle did work, I got to ten weeks pregnant when we found out our baby's heart had stopped beating.
Since then our fourth cycle failed because we couldn't get healthy eggs from my 32 year old body. So onto the next approach which as I said above is all about trying new things.
Infertility is worse than I'd ever imagined so just asking questions and caring will make a huge difference to the life of someone you know... After all, one in six couples in Australia struggles with infertility, so you know someone going through it whether they've shared that info or are keeping it private is the hot topic for this message board.