What kind of woman thinks it’s okay to have sex with a 12-year-old boy?

Vili Fualaau has just filed for separation from his wife of 12 years, Mary Kay Letourneau. Theirs wasn’t exactly an ordinary relationship.

It began in 1996 when Fualaau was a 12-year-old sixth grader and Letourneau was his 34-year-old married teacher. That same year, Letourneau became pregnant with Fualaau’s child – her fifth – and the following year, she was convicted of child rape and sent to jail. When Letourneau was released, she became pregnant to Fualaau again. After she was released from jail a second time, they married.

Psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, who specialises in adolescent mental health and has also worked with female sex offenders, answers Mamamia’s questions about the bizarre case.

What kind of woman thinks it’s okay to have sex with a 12-year-old boy?

“They see themselves as fundamentally much younger than they actually are,” Dr Carr-Gregg says.

“They will justify in their heads that this is a perfectly okay thing to do because they actually are a suitable partner. So they actually are quite delusional. There is an acute sense of narcissism in that they think what they want is the most important thing.

“Adults that sleep with children are basically, psychologically, fairly unwell.”

Listen: The person who fought back after being sexually abused as a child.

What damage is suffered by a boy in these kind of circumstances?

“Well, he wouldn’t have had a normal upbringing. Boys like this would be very isolated, they would be very stigmatised – none of the normal peer support that one would expect growing up. Often in these cases there’s an estrangement from the family because it’s seen that you made a decision, even though you were a minor, that was against their will.

“The third issue for the kid would be that because he left school early, his career would have been compromised. It’s like a one-way ticket to poverty. I’m a little surprised it’s taken this long [for them to separate], to be honest with you. I would have thought it would have happened sooner.”

Why do you think Fualaau married Letourneau after she got out of jail?

“I think two reasons. For one, there’s almost an imprinting effect, like baby ducks and their mother. This was his first and most significant sexual experience, but also love experience. The second thing is that I think by the time she got out of jail, he again was so psychologically disorientated that he hadn’t managed to reabsorb himself back into society. He was an isolate and therefore easy prey for this woman.”

Do you think Fualaau still has problems ahead of him?

"Without extensive psychotherapy, I couldn’t imagine that anyone in his position could lead a normal life and tackle the tasks of adult development, like forming a relationship with another person. That’s why I regard these women as predators of the worst type. As far as I’m concerned, they can’t go to jail long enough."

Are the implications for boys who are victims of female sex offenders as bad as they are for girls who are victims of male sex offenders?

"Absolutely, and in many respects I think they might be a little bit worse, because of that societal attitude that it was a woman. I’ve heard men go, ‘Oh, lucky guy. He got to live out a fantasy of screwing a hot chick.’ It’s just moronic. It just doesn’t work that way.

"The implications are so profound for the normal development of these boys – the devastation, in terms of family, friends, school and career."

Do women like Letourneau generally reoffend?

"Well, they don’t in Australia because they’re put on a sex offenders’ register, and therefore when they get out, they know this is their last chance, they’re going to go back inside if they do. One would have thought that anybody with a record like hers wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children. I hope that’s the case."

If you or a loved one is the victim of sexual assault, Mamamia urges you to contact 1800 RESPECT.