"I never thought I would be the nagging wife": A message to my husband, 8 years in.

I miss us.

Remember when it was just you and me? Before the endless bills, long work hours and the kids.

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It’s hard for me sometimes to look at you and not cry. I never thought we would be that couple. I never thought I would be that woman.

Some days it’s like we are just roommates who occasionally have sex. We barely talk, and when we do it’s about overdue electricity bills. It’s me nagging you to do something; it’s us talking about the children.

It’s funny, I still get excited when you walk through the door even if you're not smiling.

I ask you the same questions when you get in, how was work? What did you do? And you just shrug your shoulders. Is this actually us? The thing I thought we would never become?

Some days I feel like I tricked you. Eight years ago you got this beautiful, vibrant, skinny, fun girl and now you get frumpy, fat, grumpy, sad and miserable Jess. 

We have so many kids we don’t get date nights anymore. The last time we went on a date was in 2017.

Our date nights are now two hours together watching a repeat of a movie we've already seen. We both watch it while on our phones and then we sneak in some very rushed sex with our clothes on because I never want you to see me naked.

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A post shared by Jessica Hood (@houseofhoods_) on Jun 11, 2020 at 12:49am PDT

I love you, but I love who we used to be. You don’t get the best of me anymore and I’m sorry, you deserve more than that.

I never thought I would be the nagging wife; the wife who wears the same clothes three days in a row, the one without any makeup on or dress sense, the one that yells more than talks.

Maybe it’s me - maybe I’ve changed so much I changed us. 

I worry some days you stick around for our children. I don’t even know how you can love someone so grouchy and uptight.

All I know is that I really love you and I always will. I also love our kids. But we really need to find each other again. Our passion; the thing that brought us to each other. The reason why we decided to create four beautiful creatures together.

I hope in 30 years time we can sit back together and reminisce about the harder times, the endless debt and long hours trying to settle the children. I hope we can stick together and see this out. 

This post has been republished from Instagram with full permission. To see more from Jessica, follow her on Instagram.