Why it matters how long Marissa Mayer takes off with her babies.

Yahoo CEO announces she’s expecting twins and her parental leave plans have the world talking.

Is there a more emotionally-loaded question for parents than the length of time they will take off with a baby? Whether you choose six weeks, six months or even six years, there are likely to be others who disagree with your choice. You might even disagree with your choice.

Because despite the issue being laden with emotions, for the vast majority of new parents the decision about leave is usually dictated by circumstances. How much time can you afford not to be working? How much leave are you entitled to? Can your partner take time off? How do you envisage your family and work life co-existing?

There is no single solution to those questions. In every single case, it’s a matter that can only be determined by what works for you and your family. And what works logistically won’t always align with what works emotionally and that’s a juggle most working families, and many many working mums, navigate.

Which is why it is inevitable that when a CEO as visible as Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer makes an announcement as publicly as she did about her planned parental leave, that decision will be scrutinised, debated, praised and criticised. Why is that? Why can’t we just accept her decision and move on? Male CEOs are very rarely scrutinised about their parenting credentials so why is Mayer subject to this circus of inquiry?

For a start, despite it being 2015, pregnant CEOs are relatively rare. They are not the norm, so when one pops up, it’s almost like spotting an endangered specie outside the zoo. Ooooh that one looks different! It’s not a middle aged, white man, running a company, it’s a woman! With a swelling tummy!!

But that rarity brings with it some power. There is no escaping that Mayer is forging a new path; she’s a role model for men and women not just at Yahoo but around the world. Opinion is divided on whether she’s fulfilling or failing in that regard with her parental leave plans.

“She’s setting a new path for younger, smart women coming up behind her,” former CEO of Danskin and chairman of Women in America Carol Hochman said.

The dean of executive education at Babson College, Elaine Eisenman disagrees. She says that by failing to access Yahoo’s 16 weeks of paid maternity leave (a policy Mayer introduced) she’s giving “a clear message to her employees that only work matters.”

To some extent that’s true but the role of CEO is particularly and peculiarly demanding. How many CEOs reinforce the message that work isn’t all that matters?

But apart from the novelty factor and the pressure of being a role model, for many parents, and even prospective parents, Mayer’s announcement will trigger an emotional response. Depending on your stance, her decision to take a few weeks off with twins might shock, sadden or impress you. Maybe all three.

It will remind some mums of any lingering guilt they feel about not taking enough time off when they had kids. I will never forget interviewing a very senior business executive who, 18 years after the fact, welled up as she recalled taking just six weeks leave with her first baby. How could she have done that, she was asked. The answer was because at that point she had no choice. Parental leave, let alone paid parental leave, was a foreign concept at the point in time. She was the family breadwinner so going back straight away was the only option.

Other parents won’t suffer any guilt related to parental leave but might, understandably, envy Mayer’s freedom. YouTube’s CEO Susan Wojcicki, who is mum to five kids, made the point recently that being a CEO mum is way easier than being non-CEO mum. You have the resources, the seniority and skills to manage your job with your family without any major disruption, she said. And it’s a valid point. A $59 million annual salary means Mayer has choices open to her that aren’t there for mere mortals.

Other parents might find Mayer’s decision confronting. There are plenty of career-minded women for whom the arrival of a baby completely and unexpectedly shifts their ambition. Sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently: it’s a variable that’s impossible to plan for. Why is it that Marissa can maintain her drive with a baby to no effect, but others can’t? Are you not as committed to your career if you want to exit for a while?

I am a mum to two small children and I’m also unequivocally committed to my career. I would be lying if I said, on occasion, I haven’t questioned that combination. The truth is I question it often. Am I an inferior parent because I love working? When the wheels fall off I always conclude that it’s absolutely positively a result of me working. They are such predictable ports of call for mother-guilt.

In those moments, I look around for clarification. I remember the bosses and colleagues and mentors in my life who have kids and work. For me they are the most powerful reassurance.

What matters far more than how long one CEO takes off with her babies is this: are there enough options visible for mums and dads to find that reassurance? There is more than one way to combine work and family and that needs to be clear to current and future parents. Because if they can see a variety of possibilities, chances are when it comes to finding a solution that works for you, they’ll have some inspiration.

How long did you have off with your kids? Was it enough? Too long?