A man in the US who decided to find out what it’s like to be a woman on a dating site found himself facing a very harsh (and creepy) reality.
Arguing with a female friend about how easy it is for women to find men on dating sites, Reddit user OKCThrowaway22221 (Reddit users always have the best names) decided to put his theory to the test, by setting up a fake female profile on OKCupid. He used his female friend’s picture with her permission.
How amazing it would be, he thought, to have members of the opposite sex throwing themselves at you! There’s no reason for any woman to be single! Women have it SO easy!
Of course, what OKCThrowaway22221 didn’t take into account was the difference between ‘finding a man on a dating site’ and ‘finding a man who isn’t totally creepy and sexually perverted on a dating site’.
He deleted the profile in disgust after only two hours.
He got his first private message within about 30 seconds:
Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that “girls have it easy on dating sites” etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn’t use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn’t really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen.
So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn’t a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn’t even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that “girls have it easy”
Things were pretty innocent for, oh, the next minute or so:
I finished setting up my profile, used a picture of my friend for the profile pic with her permission, and said I was interested in Long term dating/short term dating and was good to go. I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean.
I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she’s a pretty average looking girl). I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy. So fine, people are interested in going out with me.
But within five minutes things had begun to take a dark turn:
Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird.
One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I’m not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cum, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn’t take it too well.
Within an hour, OKCThrowaway22221 was freaking out:
At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn’t responding and what was wrong.
Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn’t interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn’t want to.
And after two hours, he had given up on his own gender completely:
Within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything. I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy. I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
I came away thinking that women have it so much harder than guys do when it comes to that kind of stuff.
Well, that’ll teach him to say that women have it easy.
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Top Comments
The simple solution to this problem would be for each profiler to be able to tick whether they are happy or not to receive sexual messages. The site owners of course would have to set this up. If the person has ticked no sexual messages then but receive them then they can report the person to site owners. 5 transgressions and that person is banned from the site. Obviously there would have to be some leeway for the flirty messages that verge on bring slightly sexual as in double meanings, we don't want to become the fun police, but I think if the site's owners started to ban overly sexual people that are reported to them then it would be in these sites interests because it is driving people away from online dating all this sleaze. The tick box system would work well because if you did want to be sexual you just don't tick it and those of us who don't feel like talking about blow jobs with complete strangers could be protected from this sleaze!
But why do they go on dating orientated sites then as opposed to LuvToBangHard.com?
Lmao did you just make that up?!
Perhaps because they prefer "LuvToBangMediumHard" for those who aren't as fit?
Seriously though I agree with you if they want sleaze they need to go to the sleazy sites (but maybe those sites aren't free?)
Yes, but who knows maybe that link will take you somewhere if you click it?! If it does, tell us about your adventures. If not, feel free to register. We all know it'll get tons of visitors. The alternative for genuine relationship-seekers would be DontSendMeYourDickPix.com. May as well be direct and forthright eh?
I've had similar issues online dating, enough to make me feel sick, however I will say there are genuine guys on there too. Also I decided to check out the competition to see what I was up against and noticed some women being very provocative in their profiles, for instance one womans profile she called herself "Double D's" but then in her profile she had this big long rant about she was sick of guys sending her sexual messages! I mean her profile name is sexual!
Also some sites are worse than others, the free ones can be bad. Also I discovered from one guy they he suspected some women on there are prostitutes and say very sexual things to the guys which makes them think they will get some free sex but then the woman starts asking for money. So it's a clever strategy for some prostitutes maybe they go to the guys house then try and get money from him and if he's in the mood maybe he pays her or she says she needs to pay her gas bill or something, if he's already got his pants down he's probably vulnerable!
So maybe guys get used to these women messaging them about sex then they assume all the other women on the site are like that. This is not making excuses for these sleazy guys but I do think some women encourage this and makes it worse for those of us who are genuine.