A new client reached out to me recently.
She's in her late 30s, has no kids, and has been with her husband since she was a teenager.
Less than a year ago, she discovered that not only had her husband been unfaithful, but that it had been an ongoing (and costly) affair via a sugar daddy website.
Now they're approaching their 20th wedding anniversary, and say they're committed to remaining together.
Experience though tells me this may not last.
As a male escort, I've met many women who have shared similarly heartbreaking stories of betrayal. In my role as a companion and confidant over the past four years in the adult industry, I've supported my clients discreetly while they navigate the emotions that arise when their trust has been decimated.
Over the years I've noticed many patterns, and have come to anticipate what many of my female clients will experience, following the painful discovery of infidelity.
The discovery of infidelity.
Did he tell you? Did someone else? Did you suspect and confront him? Ultimately, none of it matters right now.
He did it. He actually slept with another person, and your confidence has taken a massive hit. The initial shock might have even affected you physically as well as emotionally.
My clients describe breathlessness, shaking, and even nausea as they try to make sense of the situation in the early days. The feeling of being cast aside and discarded can persist for quite some time and understandably, self-doubt and many unresolved questions will naturally arise in your mind.
"I didn't even know he was unhappy!"
"What did I do wrong?"
"Could I have prevented it?"
"How could I be so ignorant!"
"He never expressed interest in sex!"
"Have I just wasted the best years of my life with this stranger?"
The process behind hiring an escort.
Loneliness can feel crippling and hard to recognise. I often ask my clients what prompted them to contact me and it's just the little things that plant the seed. A friend mentioning it. A movie you saw. An article you read.
But, and I say this objectively, it's an experience that can be literally life-changing. This isn't a pitch, and it's important I make that clear — my intention is to reveal what commonly happens from an emotional perspective based on my own experience — as well as what I've been told by clients and colleagues.
So, let's talk specifics.
Most clients do huge amounts of research before contacting me and often wait months before sending that first message. It's a courageous move and most clients have no idea what to write. I am most happy with a polite introduction where you tell me a little about yourself, what led you to reach out, and approximately when you'd like to meet. Personally, I'm okay with a potential client testing the waters a bit via text or phone call before committing.
I believe a bit of pre and post-care should form part of the process for both parties' sake. As escorts, we get nervous too! REALLY nervous sometimes, so talking or texting beforehand may be beneficial to both you and your chosen male escort.
Mitch Larsson. Image: Supplied.
"Paying for it? Really?"
The first thing I'll mention is that very few women are truly comfortable with the idea of paying for intimacy. Those feelings are understandable, but allow yourself to consider that it is legal (as I write here in Australia), it is moral, and it is a lovely way of showing compassion for yourself.
Also, I say paying for "intimacy" and not "sex" because the feeling of being loved and valued is what we all crave, and it's what professional male escorts should be able to provide you. I think of it as the difference between having sex and making love.
Mind-blowingly passionate and authentic connections aren't always possible in this industry, but I'll discuss the specifics — including boundaries and emotions — a little later.
It's exciting reading and learning about the different escorts out there — and I speak from experience because I've done it myself. You'll have certain tastes of course and your choice may be limited by your location and budget, but in many cases, you do get what you pay for.
For a fortunate few of us this is our sole source of income so providing our clients with an amazing experience is essential, because as in any other field, our reputation counts, so established providers are often a good choice — particularly if you're a first-time client and in a fragile state of mind.
Helping clients emotionally deal with experiences of infidelity.
Consensual touch can be one of the biggest healers of them all.
It's always encouraged to let whatever emotions you're feeling naturally arise. It's my job to read the signals and lead by you before initiating anything physical.
Plus, sex workers are great listeners, so as vulnerable as it may make you feel, it's great to verbalise everything you've been going through. As an escort, providing my clients with an emotional release as they come to terms with what's happened in the past is key to making progress.
Recovering from infidelity requires time, effort, and ongoing communication.
As a male escort, I see my role as a physical supplement to the emotional support your friends, family, or possibly even your therapist, will provide. Within professional boundaries, and at your pace, my aim is simple — to help you rebuild your self-esteem in a safe and non-judgmental environment.
Male escorts can help bridge the gap between years of monogamy and your need for intimacy with someone new. Alternatively, we can help empower you to rebuild your relationship from a position of strength and confidence, should you choose to stay with your partner.
The whole experience doesn’t need to be too heavy though — engaging the services of a sex worker should also be fun and exciting!
It's very common for an escort to be one of the only men a client has been with, with the exception of a husband or long-term partner. But surprisingly, I've found that most clients are very ready to be touched by someone new — to be adored and relished after what has often been years of routine and monotony.
It's a wonderful feeling when your endorphins will go into overdrive. All sorts of emotions can come flooding back as you relive your passionate past and experience the loving kindness you've missed. Menopause seems to amplify those emotions too — so go slowly and be kind to yourself.
With the highs come the lows though.
The next few days might feel like you've awoken from a dream. Generally, a few texts to describe how you're feeling, or to clarify things you discussed or did, are acceptable and should be part of our service to you. For your own recovery though, try to resist the urge to make too much contact. What transpired was wonderful, but by necessity, was transactional and temporary.
If you are still working on your relationship, it's understandable if you choose to keep your experience to yourself. I've had clients who have asked their partners for permission beforehand or tell them soon after, but I've found most prefer to keep the experience to themselves.
I believe this is in order to hold onto something that's just for them, as opposed to avoiding conflict, but perhaps the real reason is a combination of the two. That decision is yours however, and only you will know what feels right to you over those next few months.
Whatever your situation — single or otherwise, hopefully you can enjoy your newly awakened emotions for as long as possible. If you head back out into the dating scene, ideally you'll now feel a little more relaxed being with someone new and more importantly, feel safe to confidently articulate what you're comfortable with sexually.
Alternatively, if you choose to remain with your partner, perhaps you now feel you can navigate your lives together from a position of strength and equality, knowing that you had the courage to put yourself first after what's probably been many years serving others.
Mitch Larsson is an Australian-based male escort and author. His memoir Time for Her is due for release this August. You can follow on him Instagram here, and his website Be You Again here.
Feature Image: Supplied.
