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Michael is pointing out every little detail of his and Stephen's new apartment and Stephen is disassociating.
He says Michael is more feminine than the men he's usually into and he cannot even bring himself to act like everything's fine.
Even Collins could offer this man acting tips, I reckon.
Jayden and his eggy pants are still reeling from his dinner party fight with Timothy. He still believes Timothy is leading Lucinda Light on and Lucinda Light deserves better.
Meanwhile:
Jack is feeling anxious about the Commitment Ceremony after Tori's bestie Lea, an icon and a legend, made it clear that Tori was very committed to him.
On this show that is about (fake, TV) commitment?
That's weird?
He says he's "starting" to feel a sense of responsibility for making sure this relationship, in which he is 50 per cent of, works.
Tori requests "no blindsiding" from him on the couch but lol blindsiding is exactly his plan.
The first (ex) couple on the couch is Ellie and Ben.
The entire room is clearly excited to see Ben get dragged. Jack even says "good luck, guys" which is objectively funny.
Mel is straight up like "we saw you be a d*ck yesterday, Ben".
Ellie recounts their horror week and the list where Ben said he didn't like her for wearing makeup and living on the Gold Coast.
I like that they're committed to giving us good reaction shots even though no one is surprised by this information.
The group tell Ellie they can see the manipulation she's dealing with, which must be very validating, and the experts tell her that she's being gaslit.
John Aiken, who has been giving Ben a death stare that deserves immense praise, asks him exactly how he feels about Ellie.
"I think she's terrific. I've never stopped thinking that," he says.
Except for that time at the dinner party he dumped her before she could dump him and that time he said she spends too much time in the mirror and that time he insulted the Gold Coast and that time he said he was here to gain some publicity for his podcast.
Then he says their connection isn't strong and Sara is so frustrated she yells from the crowd SO WHY DID YOU INVITE HER TO THE BEACH THE OTHER DAY ONLY TO FRIEND ZONE HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.
John says the experts searched high and low for at least two hours to find Ben an ideal match and he's thrown it back in their face.
He defends himself as being only subconsciously a d*ckhead.
John says he has zero emotion, even after Ellie said he hurt her self-esteem, and he says it's because he's "lost for words".
RIP his podcast.
Jonathan pipes up from the audience (suspicious) to be like... 'idk man maybe do something that proves you are an actual human with feelings???' which Ben cannot do.
John and Ellie both banish him to nothing but a mid-to-high ranking on 'MAFS villain' lists going forward.
Ellie is leaving with her voice and newfound confidence and probably also Jonathan's number. You go girl!
Next up is Eden and Jayden.
Which means we get to watch John have flashbacks of Mitch being on the couch:
Eden says Mitch asked them on a scale of one to 10, how close they were to being deeply in love.
She said seven.
And Jayden said nine-and-a-half.
Eden reckons she can catch-up by, uh, simply knowing him for longer than five weeks. They both stay.
As do Tristan and Cass, who are doing much better this week, and Ridge and Jade, who have gone ~deeper~ emotionally. I love when we get our little bundle of wholesomeness in the middle of all the chaos.
Then it is Andrea and Richard's turn, to dissect their abrupt removal from that wholesome group.
Richard says his insecurity about their relationship "comes from being in a relationship for five weeks with somebody who has no feelings for me, but I have feelings for her".
Alessandra's like 'I'm pretty sure she didn't say that lol'.
Andrea does have feelings for Richard, but her bubble burst and she wants to feel more validated.
Richard is choosing to st- WAIT A SECOND HE'S CHOKING ON AIR.
A terrifying few moments! I thought he might've needed to see John provide mouth-to-mouth, which goes well beyond is usually minimal workload.
Thankfully, Richard learns to breathe again. And Andrea once again sings her 'stay'.
Lucinda Light and Timothy are called and Mel is thrilled that this week they both appear to like each other.
That's quite a fundamental part of this whole thing, you see.
Then Mel tells Timothy that it's very clear lots of the group don't like him, which he revels in.
He thinks it's because the others can't understand his 'slow burn' thing. So Jayden proves his point by saying the slow burn thing is getting old.
Lucinda Light says they've let a lot of armour fall away this week, have grown a lot of respect for each other and she's really happy about it.
It shifted when her dad, Father Light, "came with his magic pouch and sprinkled it all over Tim", you see.
....No comment.
Lucinda Light's words read quite different on the page, you see.
She is staying to continue exploring their relationship, but also provide Australia with truly world class entertainment. The thought of not having her on our screens should strike fear into all our hearts, actually.
Timothy says his walls are coming down bit-by-bit and he — with an exclamation mark! — wrote stay.
Michael recounts how well his week has gone, and how attracted he is to Stephen.
And Stephen, after 12 hours and songs I can only categorise as 'intense strings', reveals... the exact opposite.
Oh.
He's not physically attracted to Michael, and he's not even sure that it can build.
Michael, bless his (good-looking) soul, says he can wait. They both stay.
BUT THE SADNESS IN MICHAEL'S EYES CAUSES ME VISCERAL PAIN.
Even though Lauren and Jonathan have moved past muzzlegate, Lauren says she has practically zero romantic feelings left.
Jono is perfect on paper but she doesn't feel the spark, which he wonders is due to her putting a wall up.
"I see you with everyone else and you literally light up the room, you're the funniest person I've ever met, but I just don't get to see that much one-on-one."
AW.
Mel says their lack of banter may actually be connected to their lack of... talking.
So, luckily they both choose to stay so they can have a conversation or two going forward.
Tim reckons he and Sara are in the best place they've ever been. Considering the lack of yelling, and the huge decline in their use of the word "relax", I tend to agree.
But Sara is concerned that she might be "too much" for him, because that's an insecurity she's had in past relationships.
Tim disagrees because he is attracted to women with big personalities, and he also feels like Sara now hears his voice and opinions too.
Naaaw! I like them when they're happy! They're cute!
FINALLY.
TORI, JACK, AND JACK'S BLINDSIDE.
Jack quite literally runs to the couch and Mel says "wow, that's eager" with a tone of complete and utter disdain.
She just gets me.
Tori says she rarely gets angry like at the last dinner party, but Timothy really gets under her skin. She repeats her belief that his face was smug, to which he replies "it's the only one I've got".
OH.
MY.
GOD.
MAYBE THAT IS WHY HE HAS SO MANY STRANGE MASKS!!!!!
Tori says Timothy's comment that Jayden was "nothing" was just as destructive as muzzlegate.
I meannnnn. Both are pretty bad, but only one taps into centuries of oppression and misogyny to make their point! <3
Everyone also agrees that she's wild for that.
John asks Jack how serious he thinks their relationship is.
He says he's had a pattern of disappointing previous partners.
I do not doubt for a second that is true, but I also do not believe that he is bringing that up for anything other than to try and help strengthen his image before he does something sh*tty.
Neither does John:
They discuss Lea's comment about Tori softening around Jack, which Tori says makes her feel very exposed and vulnerable.
And Jack says makes him feel... nervous. You see, he's "34 and single" — OMG I can't believe he forgot about that whole TV marriage thing! — so that must mean he lets people down.
???
Based on the previous 20 episodes of this season, I'm inclined to believe this is less about Jack interrogating his insecurities and more of a tactic to make her feel vulnerable, make him feel powerful, and give him an easy out when he wants it.
But what would I, a humble and extremely snarky recapper, know?
WAIT-
JOHN JUST SAID THE SAME THING.
Hey, Endemol Shine! Hit me up! I'm promise you I'm a lot cheaper than him!
Jack then asks 'but what if Tori leaves me?' and 1. I don't think he'd actually care, 2. that's not going to happen, and 3. IT'S ALSO NOT THE SCENARIO AT HAND STOP DEFLECTING.
Tori says if he wants to leave, he needs to leave now.
But he concludes that he does have feelings for her, and "has a lot at stake as well". Timothy's reaction to this is priceless, and also provides a new, fresh, not-smug face!
They both threaten — like, the energy is genuinely threatening — each other not to waste their time.
Regardless, they both choose to stay.
To continue building a very solid foundation based on fun and manipulation in a new week.
See you tomorrow.
Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The season's most chaotic bride.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'He's completely full of sh*t.'
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden did WHAT with WHOM in front of WHOMST?
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: You can't just compare your new wife to your dog.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The award for worst performance in a reality TV show goes to...
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THE GENITAL CUPPING IS HELPING NO ONE.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Fake epiphanies, golden showers and cancelled dates.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There is simply too much yelling about yelling.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: No two people have ever wanted to hug less.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A bride brings ghosts to her wedding.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There's one thing you don't bring on a honeymoon.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: IT DID NOT JUST END LIKE THAT.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken is very, very mad.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: All it took was a boob joke.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Ben doesn't just dislike Ellie. Ben dislikes women.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One man's face causes a lot of drama.
Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.
Feature image: Nine.
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