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Welcome back to another week of MAFS draaaama and questionable decisions with a sprinkling of inexplicable facial hair choices for good measure.
Fresh from Sunday's Commitment Ceremony, Eden and Jayden are stronger than ever, as their bond has been fortified by becoming the most smug couple to ever exist.
But they're not perfect as Eden can't stand Jayden's new moustache (more on that later).
I guess she's just accepted his long straggly hair in desperate need of a deep conditioner that he refuses to be contained in a more palatable man-bun.
Moving on.
Lucinda and Timothy are better than ever! Cassandra and Tristan are worse than ever!
ICYMI: Tristan told his TV wife he was falling in love with her and then his TV wife voted to leave him. Not great!
Tristan described their relationship status as a "memoir about sadness".
The group is still reeling from Jack's disgraceful 'whale' comment while on the Couples' Retreat in Byron Bay.
"I should have stood up for Tristan," says Timothy, perhaps forgetting that he did very much stand up for Tristan.
But he wants to stand up, err... again!
"Jack should be held accountable," he tells Lucinda, hinting he plans on going in on Jack at the next dinner party.
WE WILL NOT PROTEST.
WE RIDE AT DAWN FOR OUR BOY, TRISTAN.
Meanwhile, Tori tells Jack she 'didn't feel great' about all the concerns the experts listed about Jack at the Commitment Ceremony.
"It was about me! It wasn't about you!" Jack non-senselessly snaps back. "How does it make ME feel?"
I know I feel like banging my head against my desk every time Jack appears on my screen.
Tim wrote Sara a letter to finally share his side without her constant interruptions.
He wrote her "three pages" of issues with his partner, a fact she seems displeased with.
"FRONT AND BACK??" she probably seethes inside.
Tim opens up about feeling unvalued in the experiment, having his emotions discounted and her general "trash behaviour" which is.... lol.
In response, Sara stares silently for an uncomfortably long time. "Okay, loud and clear," she says.
Sara promises to do "a lot" to fix their issues.
They hug??? Sure!
Life comes as you fast 'cos now it's FEEDBACK WEEK.
And of course, Jonathan and Lauren have been enlisted to give feedback to Jack and Tori. Big lol.
The devil works hard but the MAFS producers work harder.
Lauren jokes about asking whether Jack's outfits embarrass Tori or why his pants are the wrong size. "He's a leprechaun with a topknot that shops in the kids' aisle," she adds, which might be the best insult ever hurled on this show.
Jack says that Lauren is a "nasty person", as he fields questions from producers about referring to his fellow contestants as whales and dogs. Makes sense.
Jonathan and Lauren arrive. Ding ding, let's go! My body is ready!
But it's all a bit... underwhelming.
Jack dodges the question of why he's not having sex with Tori or whether their lives are compatible.
Tori does not speak.
She tries to answer whether Jack would be a 'good role model' for their hypothetical kids, but Jack butts in to confirm he's "not a good role model". Ugh yeah, no sh*t!
Jack randomly announces he's ready to have kids with Tori in two years despite these two not yet having the sex needed to produce said offspring.
A disturbing image comes to mind of a little family of beefed-up gym rats with matching topknots. I feel ill.
Richard and Andrea remind us they're still kicking (in the experiment, not still being alive!!) by giving their Feedback Week partners a task: Timothy needs to sleep in a bed with Lucinda.
We find out that Timothy has been sleeping in his own 'man cave' this whole time which should be shocking but it's so on brand for this couple that it barely registers.
Thankfully, the couple embraces the challenge.
"Let's give this a go for a while!" Timothy shrugs.
Who says that romance is dead?
The next morning, they wake up in each other's arms and OMG I AM AUDIBLY WEEPING.
Jayden and Eden are paired with Tim and Sara to exchange feedback questions. Oh, fun.
Jayden says he is triggered a "little bit by Sara," says the man who once got revenge on a cheating partner by sexing her friend as she watched on.
As they visit Sara and Tim, Jayden says he 'needs scissors to cut the tension' before he labels Sara a 'ticking time bomb' because she tends to explode at Tim at any given moment.
Sara doesn't like his accusatory vibe but I can't focus because with this moustache, Jayden now looks like an evil aristocrat with a dark past.
The couple pester Sara into admitting she deleted her ex's texts. That's not good, girly!
JAYDEN VON DUTCH IS NOT HAPPY.
Jayden is interrogating Sara like he's a prosecutor in a murder trial. He brings Tim on as a witness.
"It's clearly not [just] a friendship," Tim testifies. "I don't know why you would delete the messages unless you have something to hide."
Jayden asks question after question. THE COUNSEL IS BADGERING THE DEFENCE.
No one says this, but I do sitting at home in my Buffy pajamas.
He's putting the 'feed' in Feedback Week and feasting on Sara's lifeless body. She's had enough. Sara is left distraught and announces "I'm leaving."
The episode concludes with Sara literally chasing the camera to leave her alone. IT WAS EXCITING.
But alas, we see in tomorrow's promo that Sara will return like nothing happened... because, of course! See you next episode where I'm predicting that Jayden's moustache will join the experiment as the next intruder.
Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:
Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There have just been so many lies.
Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack expertly plants the seeds of doubt.
Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WE ARE ALL SO PROUD OF TIMOTHY.
Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Ben doesn't just dislike Ellie. Ben dislikes women.
Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One man's face causes a lot of drama.
Tara Watson is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Producer. For more from her, you can follow her on Instagram.
Feature image: Nine.