Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

Everyone is dressed up for the season's second dinner party, which is bound to be an extremely fun, wholesome affair!

My new favourite couple Claire and Jesse are excited to show everyone their united front and matching hair, and Alyssa and Duncan can't wait to tell everyone how good their sex is.

Bronte and Harrison are looking forward to a nice, peaceful night of watching other people's drama. In fact, Harrison says he does not expect to be part of any fireworks this week.

Which means huge fireworks, definitely involving him, are coming.

I can't bloody wait

Speaking of fireworks: Shannon is talking about how he can be brutally honest and sometimes the truth hurts, to defend his cruel treatment of Caitlin.

Sure, man. Or we could just not be d*ckheads.

OH SHHHHH*T. 

Claire has gossip.

She and Lyndall saw Shannon with his daughter and his ex and she's ready to confront him about it, but Cam is mad at Lyndall because he doesn't like her getting involved in other people's drama.

"I didn't sign up for drama," he says and YES YOU DID ACTUALLY BECAUSE THIS SHOW IS NOTHING WITHOUT DRAMA.

He says he feels like Dr Phil and I think that's really overselling his role here. He is Robin to Lyndall's Phil.

You are not the main character in this story 

Everyone else, meanwhile, is excited about the prospect of drama. Especially our good friend John Aiken.

Caitlin arrives to the party solo and fills the women in on her week with Shannon, especially that he wasn't 'wowed' at their wedding and that's the reason he's still in love with her ex.

Lyndall asks if Shannon is still in contact with the ex, and Caitlin says as far as she knows, he blocked her.

But Lyndall knows things.

Lyndall recounts her and Claire seeing him with a mystery woman - who might've been his cousin(?!) - and Janelle delivers the greatest zinger of the year: "He's just as shady as his tan".

HAHAHAHAHA.

The rest of the couples arrive, but not without a little troll from Claire and Jesse, who pretend to arrive separately before being like SIIIIKE!

I'm so sorry. But I have to just fully lean into it at this point.

I love them.

John and Mel congratulate Alessandra on turning those two around. It is genuine awe and amazement, and you know they will be asking her for notes on how to actually do their job once the cameras turn off.

"But how? Do you try?"

The last person to arrive is Shannon and precisely every woman in the room is excited to take him down.

SAME.

Claire comes in hot, asking him who he was with in the weekend. He does the classic 'who do you think it was?' before shouting down the table for everyone to hear.

He wants to know why the vibe has changed and IDK MAYBE IT'S CAUSE EVERYONE THINKS YOU'VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH THE EX YOU ADMITTED LAST WEEK YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH.

Turns out, no. It was his cousin and his second cousin, and Melinda is like "are they different people?"

Omg Melinda you cannot just ask people if they're dating their cousin.

But also, I am living for this.

Shannon queries Claire and Lyndall on what they saw as if they are the ones on trial here but no I am pretty sure they did not admit to being in love with their exes after joining a series to get fake married to someone else and how are they meant to know anything about you?

Where is Jesse because SOMEONE NEEDS TO SHUSH THIS MAN

Oh hold on.

JANELLE HAS MORE GOSSIP.

She pulls Tahnee aside to ask a second opinion about whether she should tell the group that OMFG DAN WENT OUT ON THE WEEKEND AND GOT A WOMAN'S NUMBER.

DAN??????????

The experts discuss how this dinner party is just drama after drama and yes, my friends, that is why we all keep coming back each year. Drama literally keeps you employed.

But also.

WTF.

DAN YOU DIRTY DOG.

Of course, walking and talking red flag Harrison is involved. He was out with Dan, and was the one who told Adam this information over the phone.

Janelle is tossing up sharing the info further because of the possibility of betraying Harrison and Adam and I'm going to need EVERYONE to betray Harrison. At all times. For eternity.

YES!!! BRO!!!

Then Harrison explains himself to a producer and suddenly it's not just Dan who has been a dirty dog, but him as well.

Shocking news.

He explains that they went out on the weekend and a woman approached to ask for their numbers. Instead of handing over his, Harrison kept the sanctity of his fake marriage intact by instead taking her number.

Then allegedly deleting it.

"Trust me"

OH WAIT.

JANELLE GOT HER WIRES CROSSED.

IT WAS ALL HARRISON.

DAN IS NOT A DIRTY DOG.

Sorry, Dan.

Of course, Harrison does not correct the narrative. He lets them all continue to think it was Dan who took a number and promises to sort it out himself.

Mel is dumbfounded by this very shady behaviour and HONESTLY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS BECAUSE I'VE BEEN YELLING ABOUT HIM A LOT.

LIKE, A LOTTTTT.

A quick moment of appreciation for John Aiken, who is really taking all this in:

This is my exact face any time someone tells me something juicy

Non-dirty dog Dan comes clean with Sandy straight away: he says Harrison took a number at the bar (true), told Adam about it (true) and implicated Dan for something he didn't do (true).

Sandy's trust issues immediately jump out and oh my god can you believe Harrison just concocted this whole thing??? 

BUT SANDY. DAN DIDN'T DO IT. IT WAS THE AI-GENERATED RED FLAG!!!!

IT WAS HARRISON!!!! HARRISONNNNNN!!!!!!!

Finally, we check in with Bronte.

Harrison comes clean that he didn't give anyone his number but instead took a woman's because that's much better and not cheating and when you are hot it's really mean to reject people? Duh?

Wait.

Bronte thinks that's fine.

Oh god that's only going to make an already disgustingly smug man even more smug. The sacrifices that have to be made on the journey to internet fame. Sigh.

In less toxic corners of the table, Jesse (I know! I'm so proud of him!) is telling everyone about how much he loves hugs.

Then Adam tells Dan that Harrison said he got a number, and the whole stitch-up clicks in Dan's mind.

You, good sir, are correct!

Harrison then tells his version of events to the whole group.

Claire says taking someone's number is a bit sh*t of him because YES IT IS and Melinda says it is the dumbest story she has ever heard.

OH YESSSSS THE WHOLE GROUP IS ABOUT TO TURN ON HARRISON AND THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED.

Ah wait. Not yet. 

I am devastated.

Bronte comes to his rescue because she knows 'she's been matched with a very good-looking guy' and I feel like that is not a great excuse! Hot people don't have to be d*ckheads! 

"It's HARD! You just don't understand the struggle!"

He lives to see another episode, but I am going to need everyone to make my dreams come true at tomorrow night's commitment ceremony.

Please. I beg of them. Take him down.

See you then!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.

Feature Image: Channel Nine.

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