Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WOW WHY WAS THIS FINALE SO WHOLESOME?

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

After nine weeks, more than 50,000 words, and too many men's faces photoshopped on red flags, we have made it. Like, properly made it. Not just to the final week or the final dinner party or the final commitment ceremony or the final vows or the final reunion dinner party.

But to THE ACTUAL FINAL FINALE.

In the words of Disney dad Josh: "HALLELUUUUUJAH".

The experts welcome the group for one last night of fun and/or the exact opposite of fun.

John Aiken says some people fell in love and others did not get what they hoped for, which is wrong because last time I checked most of them has a decent Instagram following now.

Alessandra suggests they start at the beginning and re-watch their weddings no, that's not why any of us are here.

We don't need to see this.

JUST GET TO THE FIGHTING.

Okay, wait. I take that back because it was worth it just to see current Bronte's reaction to past Harrison complimenting her.

You're nine weeks late but slay, Bronte

The first couple on the couch is Tahnee and Ollie, who are delightful and sweet and perfect and in love.

Congrats to them and also the experts on a rare success story. 

"I AM ACTUALLY GOOD AT MY JOB 16 PER CENT OF THE TIME"

Next up are Sandy and Dan.

The experts say they were excited about these two, until Dan decided liking the ocean was a personality trait and got an ick over his fake wife's actual medical reason to not feel the same.

John Aiken is clearly bored, so he brings up that time Rupert's bum spilled all the men's secrets on a night out.

OH.

The footage of Hugo talking about the s**t stuff Dan said returns, as does Layton's perfect :O face.

While we're here, because this is my last opportunity, I would like to announce my three season MVPs:

1. Bronte's sister Kirra

2. Rupert's bum

3. Layton's :O face

Congratulations to all the winners!

A sight to behold

Dan does not have a good :O face. Instead, his face of choice involves a stare and a very clenched jaw. It's supposed to look intimidating, but it also looks a little like he's trying to hold in a fart.

Sandy says rather than looking like... that... he should maybe just let her speak.

Dan says he does not recall saying any of it but admits it could've happened. This means it definitely did happen, but he doesn't want to admit it on camera.

Claire yells that he's a grown-arse 48-year-old man who should just take accountability, and HE'S ACTUALLY 42 WHICH MAKES THIS SO MUCH FUNNIER.

Sandy tells him he's a disrespectful douchebag, and he disagrees by being a disrespectful douchebag.

John says he's been counting how many times Dan says "no", but he does not give us a number which makes me think John is a liar.

Huge margin of error there, Johnny!

John says he loves it when people risk all their personal relationships, like Sandy did with her disapproving parents, in order to go on his silly little reality TV show and oh no that should not be the key takeaway here, buddy.

Next is Melinda, Layton and way too much recapping of their journey.

IT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER. WE GET IT.

Although, everyone laughs at Melinda saying Layton was acting like Harrison in a fight, and this new 'Harrison as the butt of the joke' thing we're doing is SO MUCH FUN.

Melinda says their futures involve each other, but hopefully also five little MAFS babies.

John then calls Lyndall and Cam to the couch and OH YES.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

John says the experts had such high hopes for this relationship and does that sentence suggest that there are couples they do not have high hopes for? Because idk I feel like when your job is to be a professional matchmaker 'high hopes' is the bare minimum you should bring to each couple!!! 

I respect the hustle (I don't respect the hustle)

Their recap package includes lots of kissing which I know must be triggering for Cam, who gave up physical touch around week four.

THEN TAYLA APPEARS ON SCREEN AND EVERYONE GASPS.

We see how things immediately switched in their relationship and oh Cameron, this is about to be real bad for you! 

Alessandra asks Lyndall how she found watching that and Lyndall obviously replies with "oh my gosh, it was fun! I love watching weeks of a man being a d*ck to me condensed into a two-minute highlight reel".

"I sure did!"

At this point, Mel is like, OKAY BUT WE NEED DRAMA.

She barely begins her sentence when Cam says: "I got me d*ck out at a nightclub".

"GOT ME D*CK OUT"?????

A LITTLE BIT OF DECORUM, PLEASE.

THIS IS A CLASSY SHOW FOR METAPHORICAL D*CKS. NOT REAL ONES.

Mel insists she'd prefer to hear about his relationship with Tayla over his penis.

Cam says she is a friend who he sometimes shows his d*ck too.

And Tayla says she gets along well with Cam and they haven't explored anything "YET"-

OH MY GOD 

THE INSTANT REGRET ON HER FACE.

HOY BOY you really f***ed up with that one

She scrambles and says she didn't mean to say that, to which Rupert says "but you did".

HAHAHAHA.

RUPERT.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING INVOLVED.

But also never stop.

Love that for him

Cam says he wasn't ready to be in a relationship which is a great realisation to have after spending nine weeks in an experiment that pretends its sole purpose is to... create relationships.

Why did he leave kissing his fish if he wasn't ready! He only gained 35,000 Instagram followers from this!

Cam reckons he's said sorry and that should be enough, even if precisely zero of his actions show that he actually is sorry.

Lyndall hits him with a "do better, be better" and he replies "righto", because of course he does.

"They deserve more from you"

Mel says Cam should be grateful that Lyndall's just given him advice, and he should definitely take it back to life with his kissy fish.

Oh, and she loves Lyndall unconditionally.

Things are about to get much more fun and much less toxic, because Alyssa and Duncan are up!

Duncan is a little mad about being told to take his mask off at the reunion dinner party because he was perfectly crafted in a lab??? This is his real face???? THERE'S NO MASK!

Alyssa said she said that because no one's face is that nice she felt led on by him throughout the experiment.

That is why we have referred to him as a MAFS Unicorn all season, Alyssa!!!!! 

After watching their recap package back, something clicks for her and she realises that... maybe she was the problem after all.

OKAY SO.

I AM GOING TO MAKE THE MOST OBVIOUS, LAZY JOKE BUT THIS IS RECAP THIRTY-F***ING-SIX OKAY, LET ME HAVE THIS.

At reunion time, everybody agrees <3

She expresses genuine regret and apologises to Duncan and oh?? My??? GOD????

They wish each other the best for the future and we just witnessed genuine growth, accountability and maturity on the MAFS couch, you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Mel invites Jesse and Claire up as the final couple and EXCUSE ME.

I get this show is already way too long, but this means we won't get to hear how Disney daddy Josh is going and that feels like a loss for all of us.

So, uh, did he put on another pair of comfy pants for nothing? Did darling Caitlin apply makeup for precisely two seconds of screen time? Did Nine pay for Bronte and Janelle's flights from Perth and not even give them terrible fake husband takedown moments?

I demand justice on behalf of Caitlin's makeup bag and also the climate.

We cannot let production get away with this 

Jesse and Claire's recap package is, unsurprisingly, a hot mess. Everyone watches the Claire and Adam storyline play out in horror and glares at Harrison as his meddling plays out.

John Aiken says they were a very "exciting" couple to put together, even though they knew Jesse had an ick list the length of the Bible and Claire's personality was... on it. Multiple times.

"Woops!"

Claire says she is disgusted by her behaviour and Jesse says he liked Claire enough to cry over her and forgive her, even though she likes crystals.

So that's a huge deal.

John turns to Adam, and that sound you just heard was everyone collectively sighing.

Adam says "ummm yeah like yeah sorry about the whole thing".

Jesse accepts the apology and HOW IS IT THAT IN THE FINAL EPISODE I HAVE TO POINT OUT THE SAME THING FROM WEEK FOUR.

BECAUSE ADAM STILL HASN'T APOLOGISED PROPERLY TO JANELLE.

WHO IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

Jesse says he's learned that he can be better and there's more of himself to "realise" and "grow in to".

John Aiken offers an extremely understanding "mmm" and the whole thing is giving Kylie Jenner's infamous 2016 new year's resolutions video.

You are all really going to miss my graphic design skills, I just know it

Claire says she's learned not to seek validation from others and is grateful for the respect Jesse has given her.

They agree that the end of the experiment was the beginning of their friendship and imagine fake marrying a stranger on Australia's messiest reality TV show and only ending up with... a friend (and 60k IG followers of course).

Jesse says he has no parting words for Claire because she's going to visit him in Perth and I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY JUST ENDED THE ENTIRE SEASON BY GIVING US FALSE HOPE FOR A PAIR THAT ARE DEFINITELY NOT TOGETHER.

And just like that... it is over.

No more MAFS unicorn, butt-dials or having to bold, underline and italicise the words my child. No more fights about cupboard doors and no more learning about Cameron's penis.

And, most of all, no more Harrison forced into our eyeballs four nights a week.

It has been (mostly) a pleasure, my friends. 

UNTIL NEXT YEAR.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken breaks his own rules. Twice.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A cheating scandal completely unravels.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: ADAM BETTER RUN.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Adam digs himself the deepest hole OF ALL TIME.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We're back to holding people against their will. 
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SANDY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The most dramatic butt-dial OF ALL TIME.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The bride who genuinely despises her husband.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Melinda is SO DONE with Bronte and Harrison.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: YES, WE DO ALL THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS FAKE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THIS IS THE MOST INFURIATING PERSON TO EVER GRACE OUR TVS.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We will NEVER forgive Harrison for this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Okay. Duncan is talking to... a brick wall.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: There is nothing we needed less than... this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Surprise! No one here knows how to communicate.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: THIS IS BEYOND A JOKE NOW.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "This is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in."
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: You can't tell a MAFS unicorn HE needs to change.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: A moment's silence for Cameron's vows.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Everyone throws Harrison and his printed receipts in the bin.

Feature image: Channel Nine.