Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: You can't tell a MAFS unicorn HE needs to change.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

WE HAVE MADE IT.

But we also haven't made it because somehow Channel Nine have managed to stretch out five final vows into two 90 minute episodes plus two reunion episodes and GOOD LORD I AM TIRED.

The couples are leaving their apartments to reflect on their fake marriages separately, before coming together to decide if they want to take this objectively terrible foundation of a relationship and try it 'on the outside'.

And by 'on the outside', they mean in homes they actually have to pay for themselves but also the homepages of the Daily Mail etc.

We're so close to weekly IG pics from event photo walls!

Alyssa is emotional about leaving her and Duncan's shared space and not seeing or talking to him for a few days. 

That's exactly how she has described what a relationship with her would look like so I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED BUT SURE.

Before they part, the experts/some poor lowly paid intern have loaded their fake wedding video onto a company iPad.

It reminds them of the good times, before Duncan's thoughts and feelings did not... matter.

"You gave me no reason to stop but I did anyway"

Uh oh.

Melinda and Layton have spent the night apart, after Melinda confessed her love at the final dinner party and robot Layton was like "does not compute".

My graphic design skills have come a long way 

She watches their fake wedding video, which is a reminder that she very much thought he sucked at first.

Now, she and her Gucci sneakers cry over him.

Oh, how far they've come.

Sometimes we just have to put our $1000 shoes on the bed when we're sad

Alone in Sydney, Layton is doing what we all do when we're in turmoil: pretending to drink a cup of tea for reality TV cameras.

We are reminded that he is a very important CEO who drives a Porsche and sells marijuana to pets, before his sister Erin comes over for an update and is straight up like 'he is the problem lol'.

How good are sisters

For reality TV reasons, they get dressed up all fancy to maybe or maybe not break-up.

Imagine if this was how life works; like, you're gearing up to dump your boyfriend or something, so you put on a ball gown. Insane.

Melinda says she never wants to be hurt in the way she was at the final dinner party ever again, while Layton's heart is telling him Melinda could be his soulmate.

HOLD UP.

IS THIS HIM REVEALING THAT HE IS IN FACT AN ACTUAL HUMAN MAN WITH ACTUAL HUMAN EMOTIONS BECAUSE IF SO I AM SO PROUD OF HIM.

WELCOME, FELLOW HUMAN. IT'S A BIT SH*T BUT HOPEFULLY YOU'LL BE FINE.

He apologises to Melinda for his part in the problems they've had recently, but noticeably not for leaving her cupboard door open.

"I realise there were times when I failed you," he says, which may actually be a nod to the door. Idk. It's left ambiguous.

Then he starts crying because when we realise we all have feelings WE REALLY REALISE WE ALL HAVE FEELINGS.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME"

I like how we're supposed to pretend we don't know they're about to come together despite all differences.

After 24 hours of talking about how hard they've had it during eight weeks of free rent and fake marriage, Layton finally reaches the end of his speech.

"The last week for me has been a constant battle between my head and my heart. Our relationship is hard and us being together is a risk."

VERY CUTE.

VERY ROMANTIC.

"So I'm ready to take that risk with you today... And I am falling in love with you, Mel."

"Excited about the prospect of arguing with you 4ever"

Melinda says she was quick to judge Layton because she is a nine-and-a-half on a bad day and for a little while she pretended he was not a conventionally attractive man.

Then she also recaps their many lows, because what better way to express your fondness for someone than by telling them how sh*t they can make you feel.

But yeah, sometimes he leaves her cupboard door open and decides not to believe her declarations of love, but he is also really nice and fun.

"I love you and I want us to be together," she says.

And with that, the MAFS success rate shifts to a massive 6.5 per cent (yes I did math again). Congrats to the hardworking experts, and even harder working audience.

(I don't want to hear a word about a Borat gif in the year 2023. I am officially phoning these in and I need you all to support me in this.)

Cynicism and Borat aside, I like these two. I'm happy for them. I hope they continue to fight and make up many times in the future.

The calm before the cupboard door

Meanwhile, probably only two kilometres away from each other on the Northern Beaches, Alyssa and Duncan are still pondering their futures.

We need to keep in mind that this relationship faces a couple of issues that none of the others remaining do:

1. Alyssa has a child, and

2. If they break up they run the risk of bumping into each other every time they go outside their homes and THAT is TERRIFYING.

There's also the fact that Alyssa completely disregards every possible piece of reassurance Duncan has given her about their future and frames it as his flaw, but ya know! 

Alyssa fills her mum in on their relationship by explaining things in the exact opposite way to which we've watched them play out.

And Duncan tells his sister he's sick of modifying his VERY REASONABLE AND EMOTIONALLY MATURE behaviour to avoid conflict.

We want that for you too buddy

Oh no.

Some other poor intern has had to sprinkle petals through a forest for their final vows, which feels particularly wasteful as Alyssa talks about how much she wants to change Duncan.

This is obviously hugely disrespectful because Duncan was expertly crafted in a lab to be perfect.

Anyway. How's this for some symbolism:

I don't know why I'm treating this episode like I'm in high school English class but here we are. Alyssa emerges from a car door with the handle EMERGENCY EXIT and in this essay I will...

Alyssa's final vows say she's worried about his logical brain and her emotional heart clashing in the future, but she isn't ready to give up yet.

"Duncan, I want to help you..." she says.

OH.

NO.

"...Dig deep into that big heart of yours and feel what my soul is feeling for you."

OH.

NO.

Duncan says "thank you for your words" and offers an awkward hug while the music gets more and more unhinged, and I feel mortified for people I don't know.

And usually I revel in the drama! So that's wild!

Duncan says he hoped and dreamed of finding his forever person and he's TRIED and TRIED and TRIED and HE DOESN'T NEED TO CHANGE ACTUALLY

OH

YES

IT'S HAPPENING

"The gap seems too big to bridge," he says. "I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to continue getting hurt so I have to say goodbye."

"I can offer you a tissue though?"

Alyssa walks off into the unnecessarily decorated forest in tears.

They both say they need to go home, and it's especially awkward because they live in the same place. Will they carpool? 

We are in a climate crisis, after all!

Look. 

I'm sure Duncan will have no issues dating after this, BUT JUST IN CASE. Selfishly. I'd like to request he comes back next year. Or jumps ship to revive the almost-dead Bachelor franchise. Or just... idk... models on highly visible billboards.

Please and thank you.

See you tomorrow!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken breaks his own rules. Twice.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A cheating scandal completely unravels.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: ADAM BETTER RUN.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Adam digs himself the deepest hole OF ALL TIME.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We're back to holding people against their will. 
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SANDY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The most dramatic butt-dial OF ALL TIME.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The bride who genuinely despises her husband.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Melinda is SO DONE with Bronte and Harrison.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: YES, WE DO ALL THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS FAKE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THIS IS THE MOST INFURIATING PERSON TO EVER GRACE OUR TVS.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We will NEVER forgive Harrison for this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Okay. Duncan is talking to... a brick wall.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: There is nothing we needed less than... this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Surprise! No one here knows how to communicate.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: THIS IS BEYOND A JOKE NOW.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "This is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in."
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

  Feature image: Channel Nine.