Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The final vows are here and they are filled with rage.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

Congratulations! It's MAFS Christmas Day (final vows).

Three out of our five couples are spending some time together recapping their experience in the experiment (yes I acknowledge the inception, bear with me). With us we have, Ridge & Jade, Lauren & Jono and Tori & Jack (ugh). 

Jade is a strong advocate for the honesty box, which almost convinced me to bring my own honesty to my next date. That was until Ridge told her that talking about their feelings at last night's dinner party gave him an...ahem *checks notes* affection erection.

Ridge then tells us that he's trying to show Jade his more serious side... Are you Ridge, are you???

He also tells Jade that he’s been looking at jobs in Brisbane, insinuating that he’s planning to move states for her.

They watch their wedding video and I wonder if they’re going to cut out the part where they say “Hey nice to meet you” when they show this video to their future children.

Okay... Ridge is crying and now so am I. How could you not get an 'affection erection' for this man? 

Our current scandalous (most interesting) couple Lauren and Jono, have chosen to spend their final day in separate apartments. 

Honestly, fair. 

Lauren calls Jono Patrick Bateman and said that he was like "Australian psycho". She also said that he is the most disloyal person she's ever met in her life.

Jono just can't wait to get outta there. 

"Get me tf home."

A suspicious iPad is placed outside their apartment doors and they watch their wedding video separately.

They’re both smiling like crazy while watching them which makes me sad and WHY DID HE HAVE TO TEXT ELLIE.

After watching the video Lauren said that Jono was just as boring as ever... ouch. 

While Jono said they both had the most amazing day together... also ouch.

Very similar experiences...

Honestly, I’m still more upset over Jono not defending Lauren over Jack's gross muzzle comment, but I guess texting another woman is also bad.

We're now onto Tori and Jack and GIRL RUN!

Tori tells Jack that the way she's acting right now is "giving co-dependency and it’s disgusting." 

No babe, what’s disgusting is your husband — Please get outta there.

When they’re saying goodbye to prepare for their final vows, Jack says “Thanks for the ride” which every woman knows means “I will never see you again”.

Mark my words, we will never see this man again. 

Our three couples have left the Skye Suites for some time alone to reflect (booo).

At this point in time, I’d like to know how much footage there is of the couples all packing and unpacking their stuff because it seems like it's all they do. 

Ridge, like myself, enjoys an espresso martini with the girls (for this situation replace “girls” with his best friend Chris).

It's so obvious that the producers were telling them to “talk more” because we all know that two blokes chatting over drinks would’ve initially gone like:

Chris: do you like her?

Ridge: Yah.

Chris: Cool.

Ridge: Cool. 

So much said, so little spoken.

In good news, we have the bestie's backing. Chris is very happy for Ridge and supports his idea of moving to the Gold Coast to be with Jade. 

God I love a bromance.

Jade's mum then comes in as a massive roadblock. She is concerned about Jade's future and reminds her it’s only been a few weeks which we all know is actually years in the MAFS world, but Jade's mum isn’t convinced (she’s so smart).

Jade's mum is getting me emotional speaking about how she doesn't want to see her daughter get hurt and brb I need to call my mum and tell her I love her. 

Ridge tells us that he admires Jade for not changing him but instead adjusting him because “No one else has been able to tame the beast”. 

Oh my God, does this guy ever switch it off? I now understand Jade's mum's concerns and my affection erection is slowly going down. 

It's final vows time for Jade and Ridge and yep, they both look extremely stunning. Ridge sees her and greets her with “Hey gorgeous” and I immediately get butterflies. 

PHEW! Ridge is in guys. We’re safe. He talked about how he’s willing to move to the Gold Coast for Jade, that he is obsessed with her and that he doesn’t want to waste any more time in getting their future started together. 

WE LOVE.

Now it’s time for Jade's vows. She’s taking a bit more of a… practical approach. She laid everything out, telling Ridge that she and her daughter are a package deal and that she’s worried that he will leave her because he’ll realise that he’s not ready. 

Buttttttt... She is all in. She said that she's confident that the experts got it right and that Ridge is her person. LETS GOOOOO. 

Ugh I’m obsessed (and so lonely).

I'm not crying, you're crying.

Oh god, why? I was having such a nice time and am now rudely reminded that the Lauren/Jono/Ellie situation still exists. 

Lauren tells us her favourite colour is red. Oh, wait sorry, she said that she always runs towards red flags in relationships. 

Same girl same.

She said that since day one Jono has always been lacking that fire and passion.

Jono? He said the further he gets away from Lauren, the better he feels. Not something you want to hear from your husband but oh well.

We’re non-consensually reminded that Jono is a “titty man” and now I’m skipping lunch. 

Jono is dressed in all black for the final vows to show that he’s upset. 

"Nailed it."

He said that he and Ellie are barely even friends and even he looked disappointed about that sad, sad statement. 

Lauren and Jono get dropped off in some type of forest to do their final vows and someone call the big bad wolf because Jono’s about to get EATEN.  

Jono said one thing: “You ready for this?" to which Lauren replied “A hello would’ve been normal.” Oh boy.

Jono starts his vows by talking about Lauren’s striking blue eyes, and he’s right the eyes be striking.

"Are my eyes striking enough for you now mate?"

Jono's talking about the Ellie situation now which is a bit weird to include in your vows imo. His whole vows are basically him just talking? Not a single romantic adjective or metaphor is in sight.

Lauren interrupts him saying that it's laughable and thanks him for sharing his… thoughts?

Laurens turn! I'll wait here while you grab your popcorn... She tells him that she’s speaking from the heart (which is full of rage).

She’s also taking a conversational approach with these vows taking on the role of a narrator. 

She gives him hell, telling him that he flipped the script on her and wasted her time She ends her vows with “Jono I don’t see a future with you and no, it’s not me it’s you.” Before walking away.

Lauren says that saying those "vows" felt amazing.

Jono is very tired of apologising and he’s also tired in general. He thinks Lauren isn’t interested in finding someone but he is. So, his mission is to keep looking. And by looking, surely he means looking at his DMs between him and Ellie... Too soon? 

It’s now time for Tori and Jack and oh God we’re reminded about how Tori’s mum likes him a bit too much.

Tori says that she feels secure with Jack and please mum get your daughter out of there!!!

Jack doesn’t have anyone to talk to, I’m thinking it’s because of the muzzle comment, so instead he’s meeting a client at the pub. 

Sorry to this man.

They're drinking what I’m assuming is vodka and orange juice and I am immediately transported back to being 18 years old, standing on a suspiciously sticky nightclub dance floor.

Jack tells his client that Tori definitely has serious feelings for him and that she’s supported and fought for their relationship. 

Tori’s mum expresses concern over Tori possibly giving up everything to move for Jack while he would be giving up nothing. 

She asked Tori if he would be willing to give up everything if it was the other way around 

The camera cuts to Jack and his client, with his client asking if Jack would move for Tori and Jack promptly replies with “no”. 

Oooft. 

Jack and Tori and Tori’s mum and Jack's… client seem uncertain about this relationship. Honestly, I think the client is just there for the drinks, he looks like he’s having a great time. 

Tori’s mum says that if Jack hurts Tori, she’ll kill him and isn't that what mums are for?

Okay, it’s the morning of the final vows day for Jack and Tori. 

They both look longingly at the sunrise like they’re in a breakup music video. 

Jack has his hair out, so he means business for sure. 

Jack says that he doesn’t want to uproot someone’s life if it doesn’t work out and he doesn’t want to waste anyone’s time. I’m assuming by "anyone" he means Tori.

He said that if he gets to the final vows and "sees the light", he won’t be afraid to turn around and change his mind. Please, someone, get this man off my screen.

Tori is (unfortunately) in love with Jack. She feels giddy and happy and I feel nauseous about how this is going to turn out for her.

She said she’ll do whatever it takes to make their relationship work. Big yikes.

Tori doesn’t think Jack will reject her, but on the off chance that he did, she wouldn’t know what to do if he rejected her but it wouldn’t be nice for him. OOOP!

Their vows are taking place in front of some rando's mansion? Yes, not in the mansion… in front of it. 

They look happy so I think it might go well?? However, the ominous music is making me queasy. 

Andddd as is the tradition, we end on a cliffhanger. 

On the next episode we watch the final vows of the other two couples, plus what happens with Tori and Jack. I am not mentally or physically prepared. 

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jono gets caught in a web of his own lies.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: To the women on this show, blink twice and we'll send help.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack's friend chose chaos today.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Never take dating advice from this man.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy has seen the Lucinda Light. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy's breakthrough moment has broken us.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The Bullsh*t Investigators take no prisoners. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden's moustache made some solid points.