Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The most dramatic butt-dial OF ALL TIME.

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It's the day of the fourth dinner party, in the year 2023, and Melinda and Layton are making Austin Powers references.

Cute.

Even cuter are Jesse and Claire, who are going well after their dates this week and have decided to walk into the dinner party together.

Speaking of the dinner party: Evelyn is preparing to f**k sh*t up after Rupert's incriminating butt-dial.

Actually, it appears there were THREE butt-dials. Someone needs to teach this man to lock his phone (or not, because I'm living for this).

Loving the disguise emoji, it couldn't look any less like Rupert

She's going to roast Dan, and it's going to be beautiful.

Rupert, meanwhile, is just along for the ride, feeling a little guilty because he knows this is all his butt's fault.

Dan is having a good morning.

Sure, Sandy moved out, and he's about to get his arse handed to him in front of the entire nation, but he's got a protein shake and an expensive watch, so he's okay with it all.

Sandy is not okay with it all and she's going to call him out.

Evelyn and Rupert arrive first, looking like an actual couple now that Rupert can use his words. 

Then Melinda and Layton come in hot, followed by Jesse and Claire. 

Together.

Arm in arm.

It is clearly the best thing to ever happen to Mel.

SAME

Evelyn fills the women in on the butt-dialing and they are, of course, very excited about the drama.

I think Melinda makes a gag sound when Evelyn shares what Dan said about his exes, and this is my nightly reminder: Melinda f***ing slays.

Mel and Alessandra talk about how disgusting it is.

"Well, it's misogynistic," Mel says, like she has never watched the show she's been an 'expert' on for seven years.

Claire wants us to play a game of two truths and a lie: she says misogyny is dead (lie, sigh) and uncool (truth) and Sandy deserves better (truth). 

As everyone rallies around Sandy, we're reminded that Hugo's been a dirtbag too. So naturally, he and Tayla arrive anticipating a drama free night.

The horror movie music returns and Claire makes Rupert tell the entire group about his nark of an arse.

Don't yuck someone else's yum, Jesse

Evelyn asks Hugo to explain himself.

He says he definitely complained about the first two weeks of his fake marriage, which honestly I can't blame him for because he has been sleeping on the floor and shamed for drinking anything besides beer??? but then Evelyn says "bullsh*t".

OOF.

Then she puts on her best 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' teacher voice and is like "tell the truth now, please".

IT'S HONESTLY TERRIFYING.

He tells her to "go there", and THERE is him saying HE CAN'T STAND TAYLA and calling her a "f***ing c***".

IT'S NOT GREAT IS IT

But you know what? We made it! Is it really Australian reality TV if there's not a C word thrown around!?

Hugo thought he was in a safe space, where calling your fake wife a c*** is cool and normal, but unfortunately Rupert's backside had to go and ruin a good thing!

"I might've called you a f***ing c*** but I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now"

Rupert, our emotionally mature king with a really dramatic butt, reckons Hugo should just say sorry, aye. 

I am living for Evelyn and Rupert's roleplaying as disappointed parents tonight.

Tayla says something about how Hugo can't even hump air and I don't get it but I enjoy it, anyway. Then she says he's the most annoying person she's ever met in her life and EVERYONE'S SHOCKED FACES ARE REALLY GETTING A WORKOUT TONIGHT.

No seriously, Layton's :O face is something else.

Tayla tells the group she knows she attacked his masculinity and made him sleep on the floor and just as he's about to respond, Tahnee and Ollie arrive.

HEY GUYS WELCOME AND IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN.

A producer asks Hugo if he's okay and he says "this whole thing's cooked", which is really just a thesis statement for the entire series.

Then he's like, "Wait, Dan was a d*ck too!"

WE KNOW HUGO AND WE ARE GETTING TO HIM.

Probably yes because we only have the capacity for one major storyline at a time BUT YOUR TIME WILL COME

Finally, Dan arrives.

GRAB YOUR PITCHFORKS BECAUSE IT IS TIME.

The boys catch Dan up, and he thinks it's all fine because he didn't say anything bad.

Besides all those really bad things he said, obviously.

As everyone sits down for dinner, Dan clinks his glass.

Here we gooooooooooooooooo!

He asks Evelyn what she's told Sandy, and she gives him the opportunity to come clean first. 

Harrison yells about "smoke and mirrors" and NOPE WE DO NOT NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!

Dan mentions the incompatibilities again - because he thinks liking the ocean is a personality trait and Sandy does not - and Evelyn is like "mmm, nah".

"Did you hold up your phone and show your ex-girlfriends, boasting?" she says.

He says "uhhhh" and then pretends he was just about to bring that up.

Of course you were, buddy.

He says one of the things this car crash of an experiment has taught him is that he has a "type" and it is 'women who spend 12 hours in the gym as well' or something, which is essentially just him using weasel words to describe women's bodies, isn't it?

THEN HE TRIES TO SAY HE WASN'T EVEN THERE WHEN THE BUTT DIALS HAPPENED. He thinks he was walking with Duncan AND DON'T YOU BRING ONE OF THIS SEASON'S ONLY SHINING LIGHTS INTO THIS.

Duncan is like 'own your sh*t' and it's amazing that we've reached the point where I have a positive meme about a man on MAFS to reuse:

We stan! 

"You have fabricated that this butt-dial happened," Dan says.

HOW DARE HE.

RUPERT'S BUM DID NOT LIE.

If Dan thought he'd have allies at the table, he was... wrong. Duncan's out. Ollie's out. Melinda's making incredible groaning noises. Jesse is excited that Claire's about to dive head on into the drama and I LOVE THEM FOR THIS AND I LOVE THIS FOR THEM.

****AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE KISSING OTHER MEN OF COURSE

Claire comes out swinging with a goddamn truth bomb.

"I've obviously made a massive mistake in the confines of this experiment, I disrespected Jesse and I disrespected Janelle, I did something really wrong. However, I came out, and I owned by sh*t. Showing pictures of ex-girlfriends is belittling her and you still haven't owned up to that. Still."

OH I TAKE BACK THE NO ALLIES THING.

Who better to have on your side than Mr AI-generated red flag himself, Harrison? This honestly makes Dan's position even more damning.

Claire makes the universal hand signal for 'wanker' and I couldn't have said it better myself.

Harrison says his mate is being thrown under the bus and he wants to figure out what is going on which is SO F***ING FUNNY TO ME.

BECAUSE HARRISON WAS THE ONE THROWING DAN UNDER THE BUS JUST TWO WEEKS AGO.

Be quiet, please

In swoops Hugo, who wants to make the most of being Not The Worst Guy In The Room.

Tayla tells him to shut up but the rest of the group give him the stage. Probably just so they don't have to hear from Harrison.

He reckons he doesn't remember calling her a "f***ing c***" but apologises if he did, and then apologises for the other specifics, which earns him kudos from John Aiken. Imagine how much that must mean!

Ollie says Hugo definitely said he'd prefer to be fake married to any of the other fake wives over her, but also says Hugo has spoken very highly of her in their other conversations.

That's nice.

"Just so ya know"

Tayla thinks his claim that she isn't meeting him halfway is bullsh*t. It's not. But that still doesn't warrant being called a "f***ing c***". 

"I know I'm a blunt person and I say it how it is, but it doesn't mean that I'm not showing my way that I love someone," she says.

THE ROOM TAKES A COLLECTIVE DEEP BREATH.

"Not that I'm saying I love Hugo, by any means," she clarifies.

AAAAAND EXHALE.

Hugo isn't sure if he and Tayla can come back from this. Back... where, Hugo?

The good old days!

We get our weekly 30 seconds of drama free content, where the experts feel smug over how happy Claire and Jesse look, and Harrison and Bronte yell about their hot sex.

What a terrible day to have ears.

Anyway, back to the mess.

Melinda pulls Sandy aside to tell her she deserves better and that Dan will come over to stop them talking and WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS.

He apologises for making her feel bad.

"I hear you, I see you, I feel you," he says, straight out of an affirmations book.

He offers to give up one or two of his 30 gym hours to spend time with her. Maybe.

"Or, hear we out, we swap out the couch for his and hers exercycles?"

They return to the table, and Dan tells everyone they had sex???

WHY.

DID HE DO THAT?

She is the SEXPERT, and she is HORRIFIED

That's the moment Sandy can't take it anymore.

She calls him out for saying he needed to 'disconnect' from the experiment for three days (???) and spend time with his daughter while actually hanging with ~the boyz~.

He says he has apologised to Sandy for what he said and she's like, 'No, you haven't and btw WHAT DID YOU SAY?'

"That's what I said," he says????

If nothing else, at least this show shows us how to communicate effectively with others! Hahahaha! SOB! 😭

But then Harrison tries to butt in and Sandy shushes him. It is a glorious moment for me personally.

SLAY

Dan once again states that he's realised he has a type and Lyndall's like 'ok but are you saying Sandy isn't your type?' which is clearly exactly what he is implying without actually saying it.

Because, well duh, he's a coward.

OH WAIT!

EVELYN HEARD MORE!!

RUPERT'S BUTT DELIVERED US SO MUCH!!!!!!

She heard him say he 'doesn't give a sh*t and doesn't need to be there'.

He's like... yeah and?

How dare he disrespect John Aiken's hard work like this?!

Evelyn, like all of us, is sick of his gaslighting arse, which is saying something because we've got an arse to thank for this whole thing.

They chat in private and quickly get stuck on whether Dan was boasting about how hot his ex-girlfriends are and idk but it feels like boasting to me?? Perhaps??

Evelyn wants him to put all of us out of our misery and admit, straight up for once, that he's not into Sandy SO WE CAN ALL MOVE ON FROM THIS.

"That's not true though, I am into Sandy, I love Sandy," he says and NO HE DOES THE F*** NOT OH MY GOD DAN STOP LYING.

That's healthy <3

"You're good, I'll give you that," she tells him. 

"Thank you," he replies.

But it was not a compliment.

He storms off, out of the conversation and the room but sadly, not the experiment. Yet.

SEE YOU SUNDAY.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken breaks his own rules. Twice.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A cheating scandal completely unravels.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: ADAM BETTER RUN.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Adam digs himself the deepest hole OF ALL TIME.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We're back to holding people against their will. 
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SANDY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.

Feature Image: Channel Nine.

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